Catching Ducks

From her "Scandals of Classic Hollywood" series, Katharine Hepburn's Trousers:


"At some point, Hepburn married her college sweetheart, Ludlow Ogden Smith, a man eight years her senior. In typical Hepburn fashion, she forced him to change his name to S. Ogden Ludlow so that her own legal surname wouldn’t be something as dreadfully ordinary as Smith. You can see where this is headed."

Labels: Anne Helen Petersen, movies

From "Joy to the World" (the non-Christmas version):


Jeremiah was a bull frog
He was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine

Labels: music

Yes, yes, forever yes.



[h/t Wil Wheaton dot Tumblr]

Labels: random awesomeness

Whoever runs the local DOT twitter has a great sense of humor. An example:


"Leaving Everett to go into Bellevue soon? Grab some tissue... you may cry. I may cry. Drive time is **100 MINUTES** (usually 39)"

Labels: driving

From their recap of last week's Cal @ UConn game:


"We're at halftime of Cal and UConn right now, and Breanna Stewart has a slender lead on the Golden Bears, 21-20. Unfortunately for Cal, there are 19 other Connecticut points to consider, and they're being doubled up 40-20."

Labels: UConn basketball

Labels: Sherlock

Seen here:


Spanish and Italian:
So THESE words are feminine and THESE words are masculine, and you ALWAYS put an adjective AFTER the noun.

French:
haha i don't fuckin know man just do whatever

German:
LET'S ADD A NEUTRAL NOUN HAHA

English:
*shooting up in the bathroom*

Gaelic:
the pronunciation changes depending on the gender and what letter the words starts and ends with and hahah i don't even know good fucking luck

Polish:
here have all these consonants have fun

Japanese:
subject article noun article verb. too bad there's three fucking alphabets lmao hope your first language isn't western

Welsh:
sneeze, and chances are you've got it right. idfk

Chinese:
here's a picture. draw it. it means something. it can be pronounced three different ways. these twenty other pictures are pronounced the same but have very different meanings. godspeed.

Arabic:
so here's this one word. it actually translates to three words. also pronouns don't really exist. the gender is all in the verb. have fun!

Latin:
here memorize 500 charts and then you still don't know what the fuck is happening.

Labels: grammar

Foedeeohdee is the twitter name of my friend/former co-worker. She recently posted this on her Tumblr:


Customer Service

I need this by yesterday,
The customer decreed.
Of course - no problem,
I nervously agreed.
My time machine
Was sluggish to start.
The teleport mechanism
Was coming apart.
Some duct tape and magic
Fixed it for now,
And off I went,
To please that old cow.

Madam, here’s the new dress
That you had me alter.
Her look of surprise
Made me suddenly falter.
That’s not my dress,
She scoffed with insistence.
Such was the reward
For my dogged persistence.
The dress was not hers…
Not yet anyway.
She wouldn’t have bought it
Until the next day!

Labels: random awesomeness

Labels: holidays, music

From "Terra Firma" (4.13):


Aeryn: Well. Merry frelling Christmas.

Crichton: Amen.

Labels: Farscape, holidays

Labels: holidays, music

From today's Retail comic strip:


[Cooper answers the phone.]

Cooper: Grumbel's.

customer: What time do you close tonight?

Cooper: 6:00.

customer: Why so early? It's Christmas Eve!

Cooper: Yes, that's right.

customer: What?

Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were answering your own question.

Labels: comics, holidays

Labels: holidays, music

From "Merry Christmas", the 2004 Christmas special:


[Geraldine is giving her Christmas sermon while heavily drunk.]

Geraldine: On this day, many many years ago, a child was born. And his name was ummm... his name was... gosh, I know this... it's in that book. Ummm... [She looks at Alice for help.]

Alice: [Whispers, trying to hint the name] J.

Geraldine: Jeremy! No, that's not it.

Alice: [Whispers louder than before] J-esus.

Geraldine: Jesus -- no that's not right either. Doesn't matter, what's in a name? Important thing is... he was a very, very nice guy... apparently. [Laughs.] Two important things to remember about him. ONE, he loved all of us and he had a nice fluffy beard, and three, two, one - THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!!!

[She collapses and falls off the pulpit. The congregation applauds.]

Labels: holidays, The Vicar of Dibley

Labels: holidays, music

Advice columnist Carolyn Hax hosts weekly chats, and every year in early December they have a holiday themed chat where people tell holiday horror stories. The following story was submitted this year:


"My mother set herself on fire last Christmas Day. My parents live in an old wooden house, yet insist on having lit candles everywhere. For atmosphere. Christmas morning I pulled up to the house, the first child there, and saw in the yard a broom with burned-off bristles. It was cold, yet the front door wide was open. I walked in, called out 'Merry Christmas!' and there is not a soul to be seen or heard. I pass by the dryer. I see burn marks on the front, knobs melted. Walk by some plants, see leaves burned off. House smells smoky. I find my mother in the living room, dazed yet still filling stockings. She says 'Look what I did,' and shows me burn holes in her pajamas. I also notice a burned-off lock of hair on her collar and ash on her cheek. Turns out she backed into a candle, set herself on fire, then ran through the house yelling for my dad. He finally heard her, and beat the fire out with the broom. I was instructed to not tell the other family members. (I did anyway) Stop, drop, and roll is the new holiday mantra around our place."

Labels: holidays

A season 5 trailer:

Labels: Community

From "Holidays 2006":


Grif: Hey, everyone! You know, it's this time of year when our thoughts turn to our family and our friends.

Simmons: That's why we here at Red vs Blue want to wish every one of you a very Merry Chris --

Doc: Hold it right there, guys!

Grif: Doc, stop interrupting our holiday message.

Doc: [uncomfortably] Uh, yeah... Listen guys, you should really know the holidays can be one of the most offensive times of the year.

Simmons: Offensive? Holidays are awesome! You get tons of Christmas presents, and you get a bunch of candy canes!

Doc: But just think about how exclusionary that statement is to people that don't celebrate Christmas! Or to dentists! Or to people who use canes!

Simmons: Huh. I never looked at it that way.

Grif: Oh, come on. I suppose you want us to chicken out and just say "Happy Holidays"?

Doc: Yeah, I don't know. "Holidays" implies "holy". Some people aren't religious at all! Also, the word "happy" might be insensitive to people who suffer from depression.

Grif: What?!?

Simmons: He's right, you know. Each year, clinical depression affects millions of Americans.

Doc: Don't say Americans!

Simmons: Oops, right, you're right. Sorry.

[Grif stares at Doc.]

Doc: What? It's a global platform!

Labels: holidays, Red vs. Blue

Labels: holidays, Seattle Storm

From "A Roswell Christmas Carol" (2.10):


[Michael shows Isabel the present he bought for his girlfriend, Maria.]

Isabel: This is a toothbrush.

Michael: It's an electric toothbrush. It's practical.

Isabel: It is practical... Are you going to give it to Maria as a stocking stuffer?

Michael: No, this is going to be her present. She set a price limit. If I exceed that budget, then there's going to be hell to pay.

Isabel: Actually, I think Maria would find it in her heart to forgive you for exceeding the price limit, though there would be hell to pay if you gave the girl you love an electric toothbrush for Christmas. You're better off getting her no gift at all.

Michael: No, I tried the "no present" idea last year. It didn't work.

Isabel: Last year was your first year together and you didn't give her a present?

Michael: Hey, I don't even believe in this. So why should I get sucked into it? The whole thing's a marketing scam invented to get people to buy things they don't even need.

Isabel: Well you could write that on the card when you give her a dental product for Christmas.

Labels: holidays, Roswell

From their review of the Battlestar Galactica episode "Downloaded":


"Back in Boomer’s apartment Six tells Boomer about how she went back to Baltar’s apartment after the destruction of Caprica and took a few souvenirs. She kept them for a while but then burned them, because they were keeping her from embracing her new life. Nice story, Baltar says, too bad you’re lying through your teeth. Later on he cuts her down for being 'more human than Cylon.' I like this new Baltar. As a character, that is. He’s intriguing. In real life I’d want to punch him."

Labels: Battlestar Galactica

This Fieldgulls post was quite interesting. The author wrote about a recent shift in how the national media talks about Russell Wilson. Last season he was discussed in connection with the other young quarterbacks: Andrew Luck, Robert Griffin III, Cam Newton, and Colin Kaepernick. But now, he's being grouped with the elite quarterbacks of the NFL.

A good example of this would be yesterday's Fox Sports Live broadcast, which had a discussion of "how to build a perfect playoff quarterback". They picked Wilson's mobility, but that's not as important as this: During the segment, they had a poll on the right side of the screen that said:

Which QB would you rather have on your roster?
-Russell Wilson
-Drew Brees
-Peyton Manning
-Tom Brady

So... yeah.

Labels: sports

Per Tumblr, these are the most common sentences in the "Twilight" series:


I sighed.
He sighed.
I shrugged.
I frowned.
He chuckled.
I laughed.
He shrugged.
I flinched.
I took a deep breath.
He didn't answer.

Labels: books

UConn went to Duke today. Both were undefeated, and they were ranked #1 and #2 going into the game. The mood of the media and fans before the game seemed to be, "gosh, it would be nice if Duke put up a fight this time". This is the fourth year I've followed college basketball, and every year Duke is ranked high (usually top 10, sometimes top 5), and every year UConn destroys them.

This game was no different. UConn had a 20 point lead with five minutes left in the first half. Duke made a couple of runs here and there, but I don't think it got closer than thirteen.

The big news was that Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis was back. She injured her elbow (of her shooting arm) against Stanford a month ago and hasn't played since. She came off the bench today because they weren't sure how much she'd be able to play. She ended up playing most of the game, scoring 21 points. (She was 7 of 11 from three.) Seven 3's was a personal best for her -- I guess she's feeling better!

Labels: UConn basketball

This is my second Christmas away from the world of retail, and wow I do NOT miss it. Today's quote is a version of a conversation I had with many, many customers. (And it's not just a "guy" thing, either.):


customer: Do you have any suggestions for a Christmas gift?

Marla: Sure, who is it for?

customer: Sheila. The love of my life. My everything. My soulmate.

Marla: Okay. What kind of interests does Sheila have?

customer: I don't know. Regular girl stuff, I guess.

Labels: holidays, work

Seen here:


”I have one rule for dating“ said Steph. ”You have to like me.“
”Do you like ME?“ Rich asked.
”You’re not listening“ she replied.

Labels: random weirdness

From last year, Ellen found out Bic started selling a pen "for her":

Labels: random awesomeness

From their recap of the Nashville episode 2.09:


"The girl playing Layla only occasionally remembered to change her fingers on the neck of the guitar. It's the musical equivalent of when people fake-type for TV and just lightly tap all the keys but never hit the space bar. HAVE YOU NEVER TYPED BEFORE? JUST TYPE YOUR NAME OVER AND OVER AGAIN."

Labels: computers, music

This story reminds me of my flowers story:


Customer: “Hi, do you have any safety vests?”

Clerk: “Safety vests?”

Customer: “Yeah. Safety vests.”

Clerk: “Like the ones that are neon yellow with reflective stripes?”

Customer: “Yes! A safety vest! Are you an idiot?”

Clerk: “Uhhh, no sir, but we’re a science fiction bookstore. You’d want a hardware store for that kind of thing.”

Customer: “Well, why DON’T you sell them?”

Clerk: “Because we sell books.”

Customer: “Well, you should!”

Clerk: “I don’t think many of our customers would normally want a safety vest when they come into a bookstore, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I did!”

Labels: Not Always...

From their article about the Texas Rangers acquiring the (baseball) rights to Russell Wilson:


"Sorry, Cowboys and Texans, but a baseball team in your state now has a better quarterback than either NFL franchise. [...] The Rangers also once took running back Ricky Williams in the Rule 5 draft even though he too had chosen football by that point in his career. So it's probably safe to say that the Rangers would now be listed as 3.5-point favorites over the Texans if they were to play this weekend."

Labels: Seattle Seahawks

January 2nd!!!



"From the executive producer of Community seasons 1-3 comes.... COMMUNITY SEASON 5!"

Labels: Community

Seahawks tight end Luke Willson (a graduate of Rice University!) was speaking to the media on 12/11/13. He was asked about scoring his first NFL touchdown the Sunday before, and what he did with the game ball:


"As far as the ball goes, I remember slamming it, and really not caring about it, and actually Russ [Wilson] was the first one [to say] 'Go get the ball! Where's the ball at?', and I was like, 'Oh... I have no idea!' But he was the one who -- like always -- [was] heads up, smart enough to go get the ball, took it over to the sideline, and I've got it in my room right now. So that's pretty cool."

Labels: Seattle Seahawks

This sort of sketch is why I loved The Kids in the Hall:



[Office, submarine!]

Labels: The Kids in the Hall

From "The New Kids on the Block" (2.03):


[Seth has been doing some soul-searching.]

Seth: I'm like a monster, dude, I'm all I think about. And not in a good way.

Ryan: There's a good way?

Labels: The O.C.

Tweeted while watching a baseball game on TV:


[The announcer said:] "It seems like it's 9 to 8 instead of 1 to nothing." THEY ARE FUNCTIONALLY THE SAME THING SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME A DRINK

Labels: sports

Quoted in this article:


On Saturday night, before the four games the next day that ended the Basketball Hall of Fame Women's Challenge at the Mass Mutual Center in Springfield, the eight programs attended a banquet at the Hall of Fame.

"I asked how many [of the players] had ever been in the building before," UConn coach Geno Auriemma said. "Many of them, among all eight teams, have never been. So it was neat because they are basketball players. And all of a sudden they are in the sport's Hall of Fame.

"So I took everyone up to where my picture was and then I told them they could go home."

Labels: UConn basketball

I think Calvin & Hobbes may live at this house.

Labels: Calvin and Hobbes

A customer calls their car dealership:


Caller: “I need to have my car towed to your dealership. Do you have a service for that, or one that you can recommend?”

Dealership: “We do, but it’s expensive. Can you tell me more about the problem so we can try and help you before resorting to that?”

Caller: “Oh, sure! Well, I think my key remote is dead, so I can’t unlock my car. Because I can’t unlock it, I can’t get anywhere! This is my only car, and I rely on it. I need to get it unlocked as soon as possible.”

Dealership: “Ma’am, have you tried putting the key into the keyhole on the door?”

Caller: “What? Cars still have that? I don’t think mine does, but I’ll go check.”

[About a minute passes...]

Caller: “Oh, my God! You’re my hero! It totally worked! Thank you so much!”

Labels: Not Always...

Seen here. I think this is a reasonably accurate depiction of being a Farscape fan:


person #1: Is anyone here in the Farscape fandom? I’m on episode 6 and I love it. Gosh, why didn’t I watch this when I was younger. It’s like an older version of Defiance mixed with a little bit of Doctor Who. It’s so good! Not sure if I ship Crichton and Aeryn yet, but it’s growing on me.


person #2: Oh... oh darling...

You will definitely be shipping Crichton and Aeryn soon. And then it’s gonna hurt.

Here’s the thing about Farscape...it rips your heart out of your chest, steps on it, throws it into a blender, makes it into a smoothie, and then force-feeds that smoothie down your throat. By the end of the series your heart is back in your body but it’s not the same as it was before. That’s how I describe Farscape.

We’re here for you. It’ll get better, and then it’ll get worse, and then better, and then so much worse, and then better, and the next thing you know you’ll have watched all four seasons and The Peacekeeper Wars.


person #3: OMG. What she said. No one can prepare you for what you’re about to experience, but I PROMISE YOU, it is SO. WORTH. IT.


person #4: Yea. That. I once described it as the show that took my heart, tore it out, munched it up and shoved it back in my chest and told me everything was okay. Bastard. I love you.


person #5: What they said. Farscape is a show about pain and heartache and fear and desperation and sadness and did I mention pain? But you’re gonna love it with all your heart. (It’s also a show about leather pants and Crichton’s butt and sexy aliens making out and it’s beautiful and insane and your life is better and more complete once you’ve experienced this crazy, lovable show.)


person #6: Yes, yes and yes. All the comments before mine are right on point.

ESPECIALLY ALL THE LEATHER CLOTHES.

Ok, not really. But all the "pain in your heart that you almost can’t handle, until you do and then they give you so much joy again to throw you for a loop and killing you with feelings??" That’s Farscape.

Welcome to a wonderful ride.


person #7: ALL OF THE ABOVE. Farscape is such a heart-rippingly beautiful joyride of a show, and the characters and their journeys and choices and changes will stay with you FOREVER. I’ve been rewatching Farscape every year for almost ten years now, and it never fails to thrill me and confuse me and make me fall in love all over again. That’s what watching it is like. Falling in love. With all the pain and wonder that entails.

Labels: Farscape

As a farewell to autumn, I offer this:

Labels: random awesomeness

Can you believe it's been almost two weeks since I last referenced Sleepy Hollow? Clearly I am slacking off. This is from my favorite episode (so far), "The Midnight Ride" (1.07):


Abbie: I've got good news and bad news. What do you want first?

Crane: [confused] Is this a riddle?

Abbie: Never mind. Bad news: The manuscript's on loan to the National Armor Museum in London.

Crane: London... that's a three month voyage by sea...

Abbie: That's where the good news comes in. They've uploaded the manuscript online.

Crane: That's excellent news!

Abbie: You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?

Crane: No, I do not.

Labels: Sleepy Hollow

Rob Thomas et al released a clip from the new Veronica Mars movie (see below), and sent out an email to the Kickstarter backers that was written a question/answer format, and included this:


Q: Wow, it looks like you really did shoot a Veronica Mars movie, Rob. You're not living incognito on a Costa Rican beach with our money.

A: Thank god. I've been informed that it's no longer possible for us to refund Kickstarter pledges. But if you get me really drunk, I'll tell you the unsettling things that run through your brain when you see nearly six million dollars in your Amazon account.

Labels: Veronica Mars

Surprisingly, not from her twitter. Instead, this is from her blog. (Which I didn't know existed until she posted a link on twitter...):


Our local Catholic elementary school lets the students start basketball in the second grade. Of the ten girls in my daughter’s class, nine play on the team. I am their coach. And coaching them is one of the most rewarding things I do.

We practice one day a week after school. The girls always greet me by skipping across the gym and saying hello with giant gap-toothed smiles. Before a recent practice, they presented me a sign which read, “Apresheat Mrs. Rushin Day!”

None of these 2nd-graders ever played before this year. I doubt many of them ever watched a game on TV. They needed to be told what “dribbling” meant. I had to explain the difference between “offense” (we have the ball) and “defense” (the other team has the ball). But they have fun, work extremely hard and giggle more than I ever thought possible.

Labels: UConn basketball

From "#Twinfection" (1.18), Sam has asked her twin sister Melanie to help her prank her roommate:


Melanie: Why did I have to come here?

Sam: Because I need to mess with my roommate's head.

Melanie: Okay, so I'm supposed [to pretend] to be you?

Sam: No, you're going to be evil, insane, wild, and dangerous.

Melanie: ... So, you.

Labels: Sam & Cat

From their recap of tonight's New Orleans @ Seattle game:


"[Russell] Wilson's night was so good, his passes that should have been incompletions ended up becoming touchdowns. Facing second-and-goal from the Saints 8, Wilson threw a pass intended for reserve tight end Kellen Davis. The ball deflected to [Derrick] Coleman for a score."

Labels: sports

I didn't, and I would not have guessed this:

Labels: random awesomeness

I've been listening to a lot of oldies & folk music lately.... This is from "The Sound of Silence":


Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence

Labels: music