16 March 2015
Nice to Know that the East Coast Bias Isn't Just in the US
17 January 2015
Child's Play
04 January 2015
Too Complicated
27 December 2014
Nuggets
30 November 2014
Flori-duh
22 November 2014
Microwave Safe
19 November 2014
Specialty Pizza
05 November 2014
Head of Household
27 October 2014
Found Soda
23 October 2014
The Cake Is a Lie
From NotAlwaysRight:
(A man calls to check on a cake he’d ordered, but things just go downhill from there.)
Customer: “I’d like to check on the cake I ordered for graduation.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [donut shop]. We don’t make cakes; we only make donuts.”
Customer: “I ordered the cake two weeks ago and I want to know if it will be ready.”
Me: “I can’t help you with that because we don’t make cakes here. We only make donuts.”
Customer: “Is this [donut shop]?”
Me: “Yes, that’s right.”
Customer: “Well, I know that’s where I ordered my cake, and I want to know if it will be ready.”
Me: “I can’t help you with that because you didn’t order a cake here. We don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”
Customer: “Are you near [chain grocery store]?”
Me: “Yes, there’s one near us.”
Customer: “Then that proves I ordered the cake there because it was right near [chain grocery store].”
Me: “You may have been somewhere near [chain grocery store], but you couldn’t have been here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts. We don’t even have an oven except for a small microwave oven. Everything here is deep-fried, so we have no way to make cakes even if we want to.”
Customer: “Well, where did I order my cake then, if I didn’t order it from you?!”
Me: “I don’t know where you ordered your cake, but I do know that you didn’t order it here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”
Customer: “Whatever, you are incompetent! I’m never ordering cakes from you guys ever again!” *click*
(A man calls to check on a cake he’d ordered, but things just go downhill from there.)
Customer: “I’d like to check on the cake I ordered for graduation.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [donut shop]. We don’t make cakes; we only make donuts.”
Customer: “I ordered the cake two weeks ago and I want to know if it will be ready.”
Me: “I can’t help you with that because we don’t make cakes here. We only make donuts.”
Customer: “Is this [donut shop]?”
Me: “Yes, that’s right.”
Customer: “Well, I know that’s where I ordered my cake, and I want to know if it will be ready.”
Me: “I can’t help you with that because you didn’t order a cake here. We don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”
Customer: “Are you near [chain grocery store]?”
Me: “Yes, there’s one near us.”
Customer: “Then that proves I ordered the cake there because it was right near [chain grocery store].”
Me: “You may have been somewhere near [chain grocery store], but you couldn’t have been here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts. We don’t even have an oven except for a small microwave oven. Everything here is deep-fried, so we have no way to make cakes even if we want to.”
Customer: “Well, where did I order my cake then, if I didn’t order it from you?!”
Me: “I don’t know where you ordered your cake, but I do know that you didn’t order it here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”
Customer: “Whatever, you are incompetent! I’m never ordering cakes from you guys ever again!” *click*
Labels: Not Always...
09 June 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Right
At the returns desk of a big box store:
clerk: “Hi, what can I help you with today?”
customer: “Yeah, I’d like to return this vacuum. It doesn’t work very well. I have my receipt.”
clerk: “Okay, let me see what I can do for you...”
[The clerk opens the box to check the contents. Instead of the vacuum pictured on the box, there is a different vacuum inside. In fact, this vacuum is a different size and brand, and is very much used.]
clerk: “Ma’am, it seems that you have placed the wrong vacuum inside this box. It looks like you are trying to return your old, used vacuum and keep the new one.”
customer: *picks up box and runs out of the store*
clerk: “Hi, what can I help you with today?”
customer: “Yeah, I’d like to return this vacuum. It doesn’t work very well. I have my receipt.”
clerk: “Okay, let me see what I can do for you...”
[The clerk opens the box to check the contents. Instead of the vacuum pictured on the box, there is a different vacuum inside. In fact, this vacuum is a different size and brand, and is very much used.]
clerk: “Ma’am, it seems that you have placed the wrong vacuum inside this box. It looks like you are trying to return your old, used vacuum and keep the new one.”
customer: *picks up box and runs out of the store*
Labels: Not Always...
05 June 2014
Quote of the Day: comic
02 June 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Related
The dad is taking his four-year-old on some errands. When they reach their destination, the dad opens the car door to unbuckle the kid from their car seat:
the dad: “You’re free! You’re free!”
the kid: “No, I’m not. I’m four!”
the dad: “You’re free! You’re free!”
the kid: “No, I’m not. I’m four!”
Labels: Not Always...
27 May 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Learning
Overheard at a library:
Student: “Hi. I’m writing a paper and I need help finding sources.”
Adviser: “Okay. What class are you writing this for?”
Student: “One of my history classes.”
Adviser: “I’ll set up an appointment for you with the library adviser for that department. She’ll be able to help you find plenty of sources for your paper. Let me just fill out this online form. What is your name?”
Student: “[Student].”
Adviser: “And what class is this?”
Student: “[History class].”
Adviser: “Okay, and when is the paper due?”
Student: “Oh, two weeks ago.”
Student: “Hi. I’m writing a paper and I need help finding sources.”
Adviser: “Okay. What class are you writing this for?”
Student: “One of my history classes.”
Adviser: “I’ll set up an appointment for you with the library adviser for that department. She’ll be able to help you find plenty of sources for your paper. Let me just fill out this online form. What is your name?”
Student: “[Student].”
Adviser: “And what class is this?”
Student: “[History class].”
Adviser: “Okay, and when is the paper due?”
Student: “Oh, two weeks ago.”
Labels: Not Always...
25 May 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Right
At a grocery store:
[A customer hands a clerk four $1 bills.]
Customer: “$3.50 in quarters please!”
Clerk: “Excuse me, sir?”
Customer: “You heard me; I’d like $3.50 in quarters.”
Clerk: “Wouldn’t you just like the $4 in quarters?”
Customer: “No? If I wanted that, then I would have asked for $4 in quarters.”
Clerk: “Then how would you like the remaining $0.50?”
Customer: “What remaining $0.50? Look, I don’t know what is so hard about this.”
[The clerk gave the customer $4 worth of quarters, and he walked away.]
[A customer hands a clerk four $1 bills.]
Customer: “$3.50 in quarters please!”
Clerk: “Excuse me, sir?”
Customer: “You heard me; I’d like $3.50 in quarters.”
Clerk: “Wouldn’t you just like the $4 in quarters?”
Customer: “No? If I wanted that, then I would have asked for $4 in quarters.”
Clerk: “Then how would you like the remaining $0.50?”
Customer: “What remaining $0.50? Look, I don’t know what is so hard about this.”
[The clerk gave the customer $4 worth of quarters, and he walked away.]
Labels: Not Always...
18 May 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Learning
Not Always Learning is the school version of Not Always Right and Not Always Working:
[A group of college TA's are grading essays for a freshman American history/economics/government class.]
TA #1: “Oh, this is going to be a long paper.”
TA #2: “What?”
TA #1: “The first line begins, ‘When George Washington wrote the Gettysburg Address, he discussed women’s rights.’”
TA #3: “And I thought I had it bad with this one that thinks that James Madison was a progressivist muckraker.”
[A group of college TA's are grading essays for a freshman American history/economics/government class.]
TA #1: “Oh, this is going to be a long paper.”
TA #2: “What?”
TA #1: “The first line begins, ‘When George Washington wrote the Gettysburg Address, he discussed women’s rights.’”
TA #3: “And I thought I had it bad with this one that thinks that James Madison was a progressivist muckraker.”
Labels: Not Always...
06 May 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Working
Seen here:
[A family is having a meal at a fast food restaurant.]
Kid: “This chocolate turnover would taste better if it was warm.”
Stepfather: “Ask them to heat it up. The worst they can say is no.”
[The kid asks the nearest employee if they can heat up the turnover.]
Employee #1: “Sure!”
[As promised, Employee #1 puts the turnover in the microwave. However, he soon returns without the turnover.]
Employee #1: “I...um...your turnover caught on fire.”
Kid: “What?”
[Overhearing this, another employee speaks up.]
Employee #2: *to Employee #1* “Did you put it on our wrapping paper?”
Employee #1: “Yes.”
Employee #2: “The wrapping paper with ALUMINUM FOIL on it?”
Employee #1: “Yes...”
[To this day, the family’s new saying is “The worst that can happen is that your turnover will catch on fire!”]
[A family is having a meal at a fast food restaurant.]
Kid: “This chocolate turnover would taste better if it was warm.”
Stepfather: “Ask them to heat it up. The worst they can say is no.”
[The kid asks the nearest employee if they can heat up the turnover.]
Employee #1: “Sure!”
[As promised, Employee #1 puts the turnover in the microwave. However, he soon returns without the turnover.]
Employee #1: “I...um...your turnover caught on fire.”
Kid: “What?”
[Overhearing this, another employee speaks up.]
Employee #2: *to Employee #1* “Did you put it on our wrapping paper?”
Employee #1: “Yes.”
Employee #2: “The wrapping paper with ALUMINUM FOIL on it?”
Employee #1: “Yes...”
[To this day, the family’s new saying is “The worst that can happen is that your turnover will catch on fire!”]
Labels: Not Always...
26 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Working
Seen here:
[A former telemarketer get a phone call a month after they quit their job. The caller was trying to sell the same things they sold at their old job.]
Telemarketer: “Hi, this is [name] from [company]. Is [my name] available?”
Me: “Speaking.”
Telemarketer: “Awesome! We at [company] are currently going through our old loyal customers and since you have been such a great...”
[At this point the former telemarketer recognizes the pitch, as it was the exact same one they had been taught to use at their old work place.]
Me: *joining in* “...customer for us, we are glad to let you know that we are donating you six months’ worth of a magazine of your choice...”
[They continue talking at the same rhythm with him, repeating the old sales pitch from word to word. Surprised, he starts slowing down, until his words fade away and they finish the pitch alone.]
Me: “Yes, can you imagine getting six months of a magazine of your choice for free? The only thing you’ll need to worry about is the postage. So, for merely 20€ a month, you can get [lists various magazines] and receive a gift that is worth over 60€. What do you think? Shall we mail the first magazine this week?”
Telemarketer: “Uh...”
Me: “Yeah, sorry dude, not biting. Been there, done that.”
[A former telemarketer get a phone call a month after they quit their job. The caller was trying to sell the same things they sold at their old job.]
Telemarketer: “Hi, this is [name] from [company]. Is [my name] available?”
Me: “Speaking.”
Telemarketer: “Awesome! We at [company] are currently going through our old loyal customers and since you have been such a great...”
[At this point the former telemarketer recognizes the pitch, as it was the exact same one they had been taught to use at their old work place.]
Me: *joining in* “...customer for us, we are glad to let you know that we are donating you six months’ worth of a magazine of your choice...”
[They continue talking at the same rhythm with him, repeating the old sales pitch from word to word. Surprised, he starts slowing down, until his words fade away and they finish the pitch alone.]
Me: “Yes, can you imagine getting six months of a magazine of your choice for free? The only thing you’ll need to worry about is the postage. So, for merely 20€ a month, you can get [lists various magazines] and receive a gift that is worth over 60€. What do you think? Shall we mail the first magazine this week?”
Telemarketer: “Uh...”
Me: “Yeah, sorry dude, not biting. Been there, done that.”
Labels: Not Always...
19 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Right
Seen here:
[A big chain retail store with a grocery section has a power outage that lasts several hours. There’s a generator that keeps lights, necessary systems, and two registers going, but it’s not strong enough to power the refrigerated/frozen section. They block off those aisles and announce over the PA that they will not be able to sell any cold foods. A clerk see a customer ducking the cordon and opening a refrigerator door.]
Clerk: “Excuse me, ma’am? Because of the power outage, these aisles are closed. We can’t guarantee the cold food is safe to eat anymore.”
Customer: “Yeah, I heard, but I just need some eggs.”
Clerk: “I’m sorry, but we can’t sell those. There’s a [Grocery Store] across the street if you need.”
Customer: “Why would I go there? I’ve already got these. Hey, what the h***? These eggs are all warm!”
Clerk: “Yes, ma’am, because of the power outage. The refrigerators haven’t been working, so all the cold food has thawed. We can’t sell it.”
[The customer drops the egg carton on the floor.]
Customer: “Then why the h*** are they still on the shelf? What kind of sick store would try to sell bad food to people?”
Clerk: "...that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, ma’am. We CAN’T sell it. That’s why these aisles are blocked with the ropes and signs saying ‘Do Not Enter.’”
Customer: “That’s it. I’ve had enough of your stupid policies! I’m taking my business to [grocery store across the street]!”
[A big chain retail store with a grocery section has a power outage that lasts several hours. There’s a generator that keeps lights, necessary systems, and two registers going, but it’s not strong enough to power the refrigerated/frozen section. They block off those aisles and announce over the PA that they will not be able to sell any cold foods. A clerk see a customer ducking the cordon and opening a refrigerator door.]
Clerk: “Excuse me, ma’am? Because of the power outage, these aisles are closed. We can’t guarantee the cold food is safe to eat anymore.”
Customer: “Yeah, I heard, but I just need some eggs.”
Clerk: “I’m sorry, but we can’t sell those. There’s a [Grocery Store] across the street if you need.”
Customer: “Why would I go there? I’ve already got these. Hey, what the h***? These eggs are all warm!”
Clerk: “Yes, ma’am, because of the power outage. The refrigerators haven’t been working, so all the cold food has thawed. We can’t sell it.”
[The customer drops the egg carton on the floor.]
Customer: “Then why the h*** are they still on the shelf? What kind of sick store would try to sell bad food to people?”
Clerk: "...that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, ma’am. We CAN’T sell it. That’s why these aisles are blocked with the ropes and signs saying ‘Do Not Enter.’”
Customer: “That’s it. I’ve had enough of your stupid policies! I’m taking my business to [grocery store across the street]!”
Labels: Not Always...
16 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Right
Seen here:
Insurance Agent: “Hi, this is [name]from [insurance company]. I’m calling because your policy cancelled for non-payment of premium.”
Client: “Again?! This happens every month! It’s not my fault though. Can you tell them it’s not my fault?”
Insurance Agent: “I’m sorry?”
Client: “See, each time my payment has been due, I’ve been in jail. My probation officer is an a**. Every time I do something illegal he throws me in jail. Every single time!”
Insurance Agent: “I can set you up on automatic withdrawal from your bank just in case.”
Client: “No, I rarely have money. How can I avoid this happening again in the future?”
Insurance Agent: “Pay your bill on time?”
Client: “But, what about the jail thing?”
Insurance Agent: “Um... stop breaking the law?”
Insurance Agent: “Hi, this is [name]from [insurance company]. I’m calling because your policy cancelled for non-payment of premium.”
Client: “Again?! This happens every month! It’s not my fault though. Can you tell them it’s not my fault?”
Insurance Agent: “I’m sorry?”
Client: “See, each time my payment has been due, I’ve been in jail. My probation officer is an a**. Every time I do something illegal he throws me in jail. Every single time!”
Insurance Agent: “I can set you up on automatic withdrawal from your bank just in case.”
Client: “No, I rarely have money. How can I avoid this happening again in the future?”
Insurance Agent: “Pay your bill on time?”
Client: “But, what about the jail thing?”
Insurance Agent: “Um... stop breaking the law?”
Labels: Not Always...
