16 February 2015
This Used To Be My Life
x
....except I definitely knew when the holidays were, because they affected both store traffic and my bus schedule.
22 December 2014
A Retail Carol
At the store I used to work at, the busiest days of the year were the 22nd and 23rd of the December. So, so happy not to be there anymore!
[And I had to do the $%&! bank run...]
[And I had to do the $%&! bank run...]
Labels: comics, holidays, work
01 December 2014
Coupons
29 October 2014
Lunch Break
This Retail comic strip is not an exaggeration:
True story from my time as a retail store manager:
One Christmas season we hired a woman whose name I don't remember, but let's call her Jane. I gave Jane the tour (showing her the layout of the store, the break room, etc.) and we finished at the daily schedule. The daily schedule had two parts: The left side showed where everyone was working that day, and the right side showed the break schedule. Everyone had a fifteen minute break first, then a thirty minute break later. Jane asked if she got a lunch break. I looked at the schedule, and showed her that she got a fifteen minute break at 11:30. She said (whined), "But don't I get a lunch break at noon??" I explained, as nicely as I could, that we can't all take a break at noon, because we have to take turns for our breaks. She asked again about a break at noon. Again, I pointed to her 11:30 break. She complained, "But that's only fifteen minutes. That's not enough time to go get a lunch!"
First of all: I have never, in my entire life, started a job without a bagged lunch. You never know what the facilities are going to be like.
Secondly: My boss came and found me halfway through the day and asked what I thought of Jane. I said, "Please make her go away". He said, "How about I pay her for the hours she's worked today and then fire her". I said, "That'll work". First and only time in my life I've gotten someone fired.
True story from my time as a retail store manager:
One Christmas season we hired a woman whose name I don't remember, but let's call her Jane. I gave Jane the tour (showing her the layout of the store, the break room, etc.) and we finished at the daily schedule. The daily schedule had two parts: The left side showed where everyone was working that day, and the right side showed the break schedule. Everyone had a fifteen minute break first, then a thirty minute break later. Jane asked if she got a lunch break. I looked at the schedule, and showed her that she got a fifteen minute break at 11:30. She said (whined), "But don't I get a lunch break at noon??" I explained, as nicely as I could, that we can't all take a break at noon, because we have to take turns for our breaks. She asked again about a break at noon. Again, I pointed to her 11:30 break. She complained, "But that's only fifteen minutes. That's not enough time to go get a lunch!"
First of all: I have never, in my entire life, started a job without a bagged lunch. You never know what the facilities are going to be like.
Secondly: My boss came and found me halfway through the day and asked what I thought of Jane. I said, "Please make her go away". He said, "How about I pay her for the hours she's worked today and then fire her". I said, "That'll work". First and only time in my life I've gotten someone fired.
10 August 2014
Book: "The Absolute Sandman, Volume 1"
I don't read a lot of comic books/graphic novels, but I'd heard of Neil Gaiman's Sandman series. It's considered a classic of the genre. I loved Gaiman's (regular) book Good Omens (that he co-wrote with Terry Pratchett), but didn't care for his solo novel Neverwhere. Given my ambivalence towards comic books, I wasn't sure I'd like Sandman.
The Volume 1 collection contains the first twenty issues of the series. It took a while to catch my interest, especially since the main character doesn't appear to be the main character until late in the first issue. But once we're properly introduced to him, the story begins to gain traction. It really takes off in Issue 8 ("The Sound of Her Wings") when you meet the main character's sister.
Sandman draws on mythology in some interesting ways. In the course of the book you meet the Fates, Lucifer, a Muse, the Faerie Queen, goblins, and more.
Some issues are "one shots" that tell a single story. Other stories take several issues to tell. The one-shots were nice breathers between the longer stories.
As with most graphic novels, there was more gore than I'd have liked, but the stories and characters were compelling.
Labels: comics, review: book
05 June 2014
Quote of the Day: comic
26 May 2014
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From Retail:
Marla: Thank you for call Grumbel's, Marla speaking.
customer on the phone: I bought something there last week, but I lost it.
Marla: Okay....?
customer on the phone: What's your return policy on that?
Marla: Thank you for call Grumbel's, Marla speaking.
customer on the phone: I bought something there last week, but I lost it.
Marla: Okay....?
customer on the phone: What's your return policy on that?
Labels: comics
09 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From today's Retail comic strip:
clerk: Is there anything I can help you find?
customer: [annoyed] You're the third person to ask me that in the last ten minutes! Can't a teenager browse without being treated like a shoplifter?! Why you gotta keep asking me if I need help?!
clerk: Because we closed 20 minutes ago.
customer: Oh....
clerk: Is there anything I can help you find?
customer: [annoyed] You're the third person to ask me that in the last ten minutes! Can't a teenager browse without being treated like a shoplifter?! Why you gotta keep asking me if I need help?!
clerk: Because we closed 20 minutes ago.
customer: Oh....
Labels: comics
24 December 2013
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From today's Retail comic strip:
[Cooper answers the phone.]
Cooper: Grumbel's.
customer: What time do you close tonight?
Cooper: 6:00.
customer: Why so early? It's Christmas Eve!
Cooper: Yes, that's right.
customer: What?
Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were answering your own question.
[Cooper answers the phone.]
Cooper: Grumbel's.
customer: What time do you close tonight?
Cooper: 6:00.
customer: Why so early? It's Christmas Eve!
Cooper: Yes, that's right.
customer: What?
Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were answering your own question.
07 October 2013
Quote of the Day: Retail
10/8/13:
customer: Where do I go to complain?
Marla: Well, I'm the store manager.
customer: So I complain to you?
Marla: Yes. What seems to be the problem?
customer: Nothing yet. I just want to know for later.
Marla: ... Thanks for the heads up.
customer: Where do I go to complain?
Marla: Well, I'm the store manager.
customer: So I complain to you?
Marla: Yes. What seems to be the problem?
customer: Nothing yet. I just want to know for later.
Marla: ... Thanks for the heads up.
Labels: comics
11 August 2013
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From tomorrow's Retail comic strip:
Cooper: I'd like to hire this guy Donnie for the stockroom.
Marla: Okay. I'll do a follow-up interview with him. How did you like being on the other side of the interviewing process?
Cooper: It was insightful. I always thought there was more to it than there is.
Marla: Nope. You just ask questions to see if the interviewee says something stupid.
Cooper: I'd like to hire this guy Donnie for the stockroom.
Marla: Okay. I'll do a follow-up interview with him. How did you like being on the other side of the interviewing process?
Cooper: It was insightful. I always thought there was more to it than there is.
Marla: Nope. You just ask questions to see if the interviewee says something stupid.
Labels: comics
14 July 2013
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From tomorrow's Retail comic strip:
Josh: You promoted Cooper to stockroom supervisor?! Why would you do that?!
Marla: He's the most qualified employee for the position.
Josh: You should have hired someone more qualified from outside the store!
Marla: Who would train that person?
Josh: Cooper!
Marla: Do we really need to have this logic lesson right now?
Josh: You promoted Cooper to stockroom supervisor?! Why would you do that?!
Marla: He's the most qualified employee for the position.
Josh: You should have hired someone more qualified from outside the store!
Marla: Who would train that person?
Josh: Cooper!
Marla: Do we really need to have this logic lesson right now?
Labels: comics
04 July 2013
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From today's Retail strip:
Cooper: I wish I had today off.
Josh: Why? We're manning the helm of commerce to keep the economy strong while others celebrate. I can't think of a more patriotic way to spend the 4th of July than working in retail.
Cooper: There's a fine line between positive spin and the rantings of a lunatic, Josh.
Cooper: I wish I had today off.
Josh: Why? We're manning the helm of commerce to keep the economy strong while others celebrate. I can't think of a more patriotic way to spend the 4th of July than working in retail.
Cooper: There's a fine line between positive spin and the rantings of a lunatic, Josh.
29 June 2013
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From this "Retail" comic strip:
customer: What's the best price you can give my on this?
Marla: Whatever it says on the price tag.
customer: We'll see about that. Let me talk to the manager.
Marla: You're talking to her.
customer: Oh... Umm... What's the best price you can give me on this?
Marla: Really? That was your whole plan??
customer: What's the best price you can give my on this?
Marla: Whatever it says on the price tag.
customer: We'll see about that. Let me talk to the manager.
Marla: You're talking to her.
customer: Oh... Umm... What's the best price you can give me on this?
Marla: Really? That was your whole plan??
Labels: comics
25 April 2013
Quote of the Day: Nerd Approved
It's better with the pictures. (h/t The Mary Sue):
Batman: Why do you always change in a phonebooth?
Superman: I like them. A blue one showed up on Krypton once. My father said it's where heroes come from.
Batman: Was it bigger on the inside?
Superman: YES! I think my pediatrician owned it. He's the one who told Jor-El to send me to Earth. He said that being the last makes us stronger.
Batman: I'm familiar with The Doctor. I'm surprised he didn't save Krypton.
The Doctor: Fixed point in time. I am so sorry.
Batman: Why do you always change in a phonebooth?
Superman: I like them. A blue one showed up on Krypton once. My father said it's where heroes come from.
Batman: Was it bigger on the inside?
Superman: YES! I think my pediatrician owned it. He's the one who told Jor-El to send me to Earth. He said that being the last makes us stronger.
Batman: I'm familiar with The Doctor. I'm surprised he didn't save Krypton.
The Doctor: Fixed point in time. I am so sorry.
Labels: comics, Doctor Who
16 April 2013
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From the Retail comic for 3/29/13:
Cooper: You've got that far-off look in your eye that says you're thinking of something awesome, Lunker.
Lunker: Lunker wondering if Swedish caviar made of candy like "Swedish Fish".
Cooper: Ah, you never disappoint, Lunk.
Cooper: You've got that far-off look in your eye that says you're thinking of something awesome, Lunker.
Lunker: Lunker wondering if Swedish caviar made of candy like "Swedish Fish".
Cooper: Ah, you never disappoint, Lunk.
Labels: comics
05 February 2013
Quote of the Day: xkcd
From this comic:
parent: No, you can't go.
teen: But all my friends --
parent: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?
teen: Oh jeez. Probably.
parent: What!? Why!?
teen: Because all my friends did. Think about it -- which scenario is more likely: Every single person I know, many of them levelheaded and afraid of heights, abruptly went crazy at exactly the same time.... or the bridge is on fire?
parent: No, you can't go.
teen: But all my friends --
parent: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?
teen: Oh jeez. Probably.
parent: What!? Why!?
teen: Because all my friends did. Think about it -- which scenario is more likely: Every single person I know, many of them levelheaded and afraid of heights, abruptly went crazy at exactly the same time.... or the bridge is on fire?
Labels: comics
29 January 2013
Quote of the Day: xkcd
From this comic:
MY HOBBY: Sitting down with grad students and timing how long it takes them to figure out that I'm not actually an expert in their field.
ENGINEERING:
[Our big problem is heat dissipation.]
Have you tried logarithms?
48 seconds
LINGUISTICS:
Ah, so does this Finno-Ugric family include, say, Klingon?
63 seconds
SOCIOLOGY:
Yeah, my latest work is on ranking people from best to worst.
4 minutes
LITERARY CRITICISM:
You see, the deconstruction is inextricable from not only the text, but also the self.
Eight papers and two books and they haven't caught on.
MY HOBBY: Sitting down with grad students and timing how long it takes them to figure out that I'm not actually an expert in their field.
ENGINEERING:
[Our big problem is heat dissipation.]
Have you tried logarithms?
48 seconds
LINGUISTICS:
Ah, so does this Finno-Ugric family include, say, Klingon?
63 seconds
SOCIOLOGY:
Yeah, my latest work is on ranking people from best to worst.
4 minutes
LITERARY CRITICISM:
You see, the deconstruction is inextricable from not only the text, but also the self.
Eight papers and two books and they haven't caught on.
Labels: comics
09 January 2013
Quote of the Day: Retail
From Tuesday's comic:
Josh: Cooper, today your priority is to clean and organize the stockroom.
Cooper: Okay.
Josh: Nothing is more important. This needs to get done today.
Cooper: No problem. Who's going to do my regular work while I get it done?
Josh: Ha. Ha. Very funny.
Cooper: ... That wasn't a joke, actually.
Josh: Cooper, today your priority is to clean and organize the stockroom.
Cooper: Okay.
Josh: Nothing is more important. This needs to get done today.
Cooper: No problem. Who's going to do my regular work while I get it done?
Josh: Ha. Ha. Very funny.
Cooper: ... That wasn't a joke, actually.
Labels: comics
25 November 2012
Quote of the Day: Retail
From tomorrow's strip. (Yes, tomorrow's. The magic of the internet!):
district manager: How were your sales over the weekend?
Marla: We barely made plan. It was chaos in here as usual, but sales were soft overall.
district manager: How can that be? We were open on Thanksgiving.
Marla: All that did was spread the shopping out over an extra day.
district manager: Hmm... What do you think would happen if we started a Black Wednesday tradition?
Marla: In a perfect world, an angry revolt... In reality, probably nothing.
p.s. This is my first Christmas season in a loooong time that I'm not working in a store. Let me tell you: I do NOT miss it.
district manager: How were your sales over the weekend?
Marla: We barely made plan. It was chaos in here as usual, but sales were soft overall.
district manager: How can that be? We were open on Thanksgiving.
Marla: All that did was spread the shopping out over an extra day.
district manager: Hmm... What do you think would happen if we started a Black Wednesday tradition?
Marla: In a perfect world, an angry revolt... In reality, probably nothing.
p.s. This is my first Christmas season in a loooong time that I'm not working in a store. Let me tell you: I do NOT miss it.
Labels: comics
