14 February 2015
A Valentine from Agent Carter
31 December 2014
Happy New Year
26 December 2014
Do As I Say, Not As I Capture On Film
From Carolyn Hax's Hootenanny of Holiday Horrors 2014:
Ah, that Christmas I was pregnant and my mother had been annoying the crap out of me with her esteemed parenting advice for several months by then. It was barely tolerable long-distance, but then with me home for the holidays I was on the edge of losing my mind. For some reason my dad decided to break out the old videocassettes of my childhood holidays. He used to set up a tripod and just leave the video-camera running for hours upon hours, so we had lots of boring footage UNTIL the nearly 30 minute clip of baby me, left alone in the room except for the video-camera filming me, systematically pulling ornaments off the tree and eating them. Like, swallowing chunks of non-edible semi-poisonous choking hazards. Magically, the esteemed parenting advice ended. And we no longer have to sit through hours of grainy footage of a Christmas tree. Win-win!
Ah, that Christmas I was pregnant and my mother had been annoying the crap out of me with her esteemed parenting advice for several months by then. It was barely tolerable long-distance, but then with me home for the holidays I was on the edge of losing my mind. For some reason my dad decided to break out the old videocassettes of my childhood holidays. He used to set up a tripod and just leave the video-camera running for hours upon hours, so we had lots of boring footage UNTIL the nearly 30 minute clip of baby me, left alone in the room except for the video-camera filming me, systematically pulling ornaments off the tree and eating them. Like, swallowing chunks of non-edible semi-poisonous choking hazards. Magically, the esteemed parenting advice ended. And we no longer have to sit through hours of grainy footage of a Christmas tree. Win-win!
Labels: holidays
25 December 2014
Carol of the Bells
24 December 2014
The Real Heroes
23 December 2014
Ok, Not OK
22 December 2014
A Retail Carol
At the store I used to work at, the busiest days of the year were the 22nd and 23rd of the December. So, so happy not to be there anymore!
[And I had to do the $%&! bank run...]
[And I had to do the $%&! bank run...]
Labels: comics, holidays, work
21 December 2014
The Great Christmas Bloodbath
From Carolyn Hax's Hootenanny of Holiday Horrors 2014:
Like many children, when I was growing up I had a hard time sleeping through the night on Christmas Eve. Early one Christmas morning when I was around 5 years old, I was in my bed awake waiting for it to be time to go upstairs and collect my stocking, when I heard a scream and loud thumps from my parents room upstairs. Curious and scared, I crept upstairs and tiptoed into my parents bedroom. What in front of my wondering eyes did appear than my father, passed out half on the bed, half on the floor with blood running down his face, and my mother passed out nearby clutching a bloody towel. I screamed, imagination running wild with visions of Santa Claus sneaking down the chimney and assaulting my parents. Luckily my screams awoke my mother who was able to calm me down. Turns out my father had a particularly realistic dream of being buzzed by a fly, jerked his sleeping head to avoid it and and rammed his forehead into the corner of his 1980s clock radio, cutting a big gash in it. He screamed, panicked and passed out at the sight of his own blood. My mother, aiming to help, stood up too fast and after grabbing a towel and beginning to apply it to the wound, passed out herself. That's where I entered to the bloody scene. My father spent Christmas with a giant bandage on his forehead, I was consoled with presents, and the day was dubbed The Great Christmas Bloodbath. We never were able to get all of the Christmas Blood out of the carpet.
Like many children, when I was growing up I had a hard time sleeping through the night on Christmas Eve. Early one Christmas morning when I was around 5 years old, I was in my bed awake waiting for it to be time to go upstairs and collect my stocking, when I heard a scream and loud thumps from my parents room upstairs. Curious and scared, I crept upstairs and tiptoed into my parents bedroom. What in front of my wondering eyes did appear than my father, passed out half on the bed, half on the floor with blood running down his face, and my mother passed out nearby clutching a bloody towel. I screamed, imagination running wild with visions of Santa Claus sneaking down the chimney and assaulting my parents. Luckily my screams awoke my mother who was able to calm me down. Turns out my father had a particularly realistic dream of being buzzed by a fly, jerked his sleeping head to avoid it and and rammed his forehead into the corner of his 1980s clock radio, cutting a big gash in it. He screamed, panicked and passed out at the sight of his own blood. My mother, aiming to help, stood up too fast and after grabbing a towel and beginning to apply it to the wound, passed out herself. That's where I entered to the bloody scene. My father spent Christmas with a giant bandage on his forehead, I was consoled with presents, and the day was dubbed The Great Christmas Bloodbath. We never were able to get all of the Christmas Blood out of the carpet.
Labels: holidays
20 December 2014
Silent Night
One of my least favorite carols, but I'll listen if Kelly Clarkson, Trisha Yearwood, and Reba McEntire are singing!
19 December 2014
Stitching the Pillow Already
From Carolyn Hax's 12/5/14 chat:
Q: My wife's parents are sponsoring a cruise for this Christmas, but I can't go because I have deadlines just before and just after New Year's. My assistant invited me to spend Christmas with her. Thing is my wife hates my assistant because she thinks I just hired her for her looks. She is amazing in every way, but I don't think it's a bad thing to have someone who looks gorgeous and is highly confident as your assistant--it keeps business smooth and clients are often nicer when she's around. So how do I deal with my wife's demand that I spend 14 hours Christmas Day in the office to PROVE that I really can't go on a cruise with deadlines on Dec. 29 and Jan. 5?
A: When you blow off Christmas with your wife, don't spend it with your hot assistant.
I'm stitching the pillow already.
Q: My wife's parents are sponsoring a cruise for this Christmas, but I can't go because I have deadlines just before and just after New Year's. My assistant invited me to spend Christmas with her. Thing is my wife hates my assistant because she thinks I just hired her for her looks. She is amazing in every way, but I don't think it's a bad thing to have someone who looks gorgeous and is highly confident as your assistant--it keeps business smooth and clients are often nicer when she's around. So how do I deal with my wife's demand that I spend 14 hours Christmas Day in the office to PROVE that I really can't go on a cruise with deadlines on Dec. 29 and Jan. 5?
A: When you blow off Christmas with your wife, don't spend it with your hot assistant.
I'm stitching the pillow already.
Labels: holidays
26 November 2014
Open Tomorrow?
17 February 2014
Quote of the Day: Kat Dennings
From her twitter:
"Let's all take a moment to reflect on our favorite Presidents. Mine is Zaphod Beeblebrox"
"Let's all take a moment to reflect on our favorite Presidents. Mine is Zaphod Beeblebrox"
Labels: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, holidays
14 February 2014
Quote of the Day: Carolyn Hax's Chat
Advice columnist Carolyn Hax usually hosts a weekly chat on Fridays. This week she wasn't available, but her producer opened up that chat for people to tell Valentine's Day stories:
poster: I had a boyfriend in college with red-green colorblindness. On Valentine's Day, I went into his dorm room and festooned the space with bajillions of paper hearts. Green paper hearts. Green streamers. Green everywhere. His roommate just about died laughing, and I think it took me years to own up to what I had done.
Jess the Producer: Please be my valentine! Do you do the opposite on St. Patty's day?
poster: Now I wish I'd thought of decorating his room in red shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day! The minute time travel is invented, I am going straight back to March 17, 1996 and doing exactly that.
poster: I had a boyfriend in college with red-green colorblindness. On Valentine's Day, I went into his dorm room and festooned the space with bajillions of paper hearts. Green paper hearts. Green streamers. Green everywhere. His roommate just about died laughing, and I think it took me years to own up to what I had done.
Jess the Producer: Please be my valentine! Do you do the opposite on St. Patty's day?
poster: Now I wish I'd thought of decorating his room in red shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day! The minute time travel is invented, I am going straight back to March 17, 1996 and doing exactly that.
Labels: holidays
25 December 2013
Mo & Jed's "White Christmas"
Quote of the Day: Farscape
From "Terra Firma" (4.13):
Aeryn: Well. Merry frelling Christmas.
Crichton: Amen.
Aeryn: Well. Merry frelling Christmas.
Crichton: Amen.
24 December 2013
"Carol of the Bells" for 12 Cellos
Quote of the Day: Norm Feuti
From today's Retail comic strip:
[Cooper answers the phone.]
Cooper: Grumbel's.
customer: What time do you close tonight?
Cooper: 6:00.
customer: Why so early? It's Christmas Eve!
Cooper: Yes, that's right.
customer: What?
Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were answering your own question.
[Cooper answers the phone.]
Cooper: Grumbel's.
customer: What time do you close tonight?
Cooper: 6:00.
customer: Why so early? It's Christmas Eve!
Cooper: Yes, that's right.
customer: What?
Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were answering your own question.
23 December 2013
Christmas Jingle from Nickelodeon
Quote of the Day: The Vicar of Dibley
From "Merry Christmas", the 2004 Christmas special:
[Geraldine is giving her Christmas sermon while heavily drunk.]
Geraldine: On this day, many many years ago, a child was born. And his name was ummm... his name was... gosh, I know this... it's in that book. Ummm... [She looks at Alice for help.]
Alice: [Whispers, trying to hint the name] J.
Geraldine: Jeremy! No, that's not it.
Alice: [Whispers louder than before] J-esus.
Geraldine: Jesus -- no that's not right either. Doesn't matter, what's in a name? Important thing is... he was a very, very nice guy... apparently. [Laughs.] Two important things to remember about him. ONE, he loved all of us and he had a nice fluffy beard, and three, two, one - THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!!!
[She collapses and falls off the pulpit. The congregation applauds.]
[Geraldine is giving her Christmas sermon while heavily drunk.]
Geraldine: On this day, many many years ago, a child was born. And his name was ummm... his name was... gosh, I know this... it's in that book. Ummm... [She looks at Alice for help.]
Alice: [Whispers, trying to hint the name] J.
Geraldine: Jeremy! No, that's not it.
Alice: [Whispers louder than before] J-esus.
Geraldine: Jesus -- no that's not right either. Doesn't matter, what's in a name? Important thing is... he was a very, very nice guy... apparently. [Laughs.] Two important things to remember about him. ONE, he loved all of us and he had a nice fluffy beard, and three, two, one - THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!!!
[She collapses and falls off the pulpit. The congregation applauds.]
Labels: holidays, The Vicar of Dibley
22 December 2013
Pentatonix's "Carol of the Bells"
