30 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Welcome to Nightvale

From twitter:


"Ten Places You Need To See Before You Die. Sorry, we meant 'OR You'll Die.' You have an hour to see these ten places. Your time starts now."

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29 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Not Always Right

At a returns counter:


Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

[The pot in question is in a box with the store logo on it, but the box looks very old.]

Returns clerk: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.”

[The customer hands the clerk a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.]


Returns clerk: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

Returns clerk: “So, you have used it, then?”

Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

Returns clerk: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

Customer:
“But I have a receipt!”

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28 November 2013

 

Pasta with Jam Sauce

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Quote of the Day: SB Nation

One of the reasons I love SB Nation and their family of sports websites is that they have randomly interesting posts like this one from October:


There's a very small roster of starting NFL quarterbacks who aren't actively hated by vast swaths of Football Internet. This roster expands and contracts every passing week, heaving inward and outward within the iron lung of immediate judgment, psycho-pop, and tastemaking dummies. Over the last year or so, I've considered the following quarterbacks to be in this club:

Russell Wilson
Matt Ryan

Drew Brees (strangely, because he's very good)

Matt Schaub

Jake Locker, maybe

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27 November 2013

 

Community Chaos

Remember the brilliant Community episode "Remedial Chaos Theory"? This video plays all the timelines simultaneously:


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Quote of the Day: Jayda Evans

From her article Documentary aims to dispel myth that “no one is interested in women’s sports”:


"Those entrenched in girls and women in sport are far too aware of the disappointing numbers. As found by the Tucker Center, while 40 percent of all sports participants are female, women’s sports receive only 2-4 percent of all sport media coverage. The center also found most female athletes are more likely than male athletes to be portrayed in sexually provocative poses.

The Seattle Times is even guilty of following the norm. Decisions for travel and space are often gauged on attendance, even though the Storm outdrew the Mariners on some nights last summer and had a better average attendance than what the Washington men’s basketball team is currently drawing. That’s without All-Stars Sue Bird and Lauren Jackson for the 2013 season.

Don’t even mention the WNBA team being the only to win a pro championship (or two) for Seattle. Instead the repetitive story is that pro basketball doesn’t exist in the city since the Sonics relocated to Oklahoma in 2008."

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26 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Not Always Right

From a tech support call center:


Technical Support: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is ***, how can I help you?

Customer: “Where am I calling?”

Technical Support: “*** technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?”

Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”

Technical Support: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Canada?! You have internet up in Canada?”

Technical Support: [sarcastically] “Nope...just got radio. In fact, I had to drive my dog sled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.”

Customer: “Oh...well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.” [hangs up]

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25 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Tom & Lorenzo

The beginning of their review of the 50th anniversary special of Doctor Who, "The Day of The Doctor":


"Let us state this clearly, so there’s no confusion: The Moment was absolutely Bad Wolf and the Old Curator was the Doctor, very late in his life, recycling some old favorite faces. We will brook no argument on this.

Ah, we so love opening sentences like those. Separates the lookie-loos from the real fanboys and fangirls. Well, pull up a chair, fanboys and fangirls. Let’s have this thing out."

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24 November 2013

 

The Point of Baseball (According to Abbie Mills)

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Quote of the Day: Tumblr

Seen here:


"Jack from Titantic was time traveler that was only there to save Rose from committing suicide and altering the timeline. This may seem ridiculous but think about it for a moment...if Rose jumped to her demise then the ship would have stopped to look for her. The temporary delay would lead to warmer weather and the Titantic would have never hit the iceberg. This is also why Jack made it a note to spend so much time with her, his job was to ensure her survival.

Let's look at the evidence -- Jack doesn't have any currency in this time period so he has to gamble in order to get the ticket in the first place. He mentioned fishing at Lake Wissota which is a man-made lake created in 1917, five years after the Titantic sank. His haircut seemed completely out of place for the era, furthermore that rucksack wasn't common until the late 30's. He claims he will take Rose on a roller-coaster on the Santa Monica Pier which wouldn't be built until 1916. How else would Jack have knowledge of these future places?"

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23 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: iCarly

From "iPity the Nevel" (3.09)


Gibby:
So, what's a "karma party"?

Carly: It's a special party where you celebrate the failures and disappointments of your enemies.

Sam: And since Nevel is now the most hated kid in America, we are going to celebrate.

Gibby: So what kind of food do you have at a karma party?

Freddie:
Just desserts.

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22 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Doctor Who

From "The Lodger" (5.11):


Craig: Where did you learn to cook?

The Doctor: Paris in the 18th century. No, hang on, that's not recent is it? 17th? No, no, 20th. Sorry, I'm not used to doing it in the right order.

Craig: Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?

The Doctor:
They never really stop.

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21 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: A Football Life

From the episode on "The Forward Pass":


Narrator:
In the beginning, there was only the run and the kick.

Expert #1: In the 19th century the two kinds of football were soccer and rugby -- neither of them allowed the forward pass. The forward pass is completely alien to the game of football. It is football, after all, not...something else. The earliest surviving film is from 1903 -- shot by Thomas Edison -- of the University of Chicago and Michigan. Basically, it's one line plunge after another.

Expert #2: There weren't many options for how to move the ball. Every play kind of looks like what you would expect from a goal line surge during a blizzard.

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20 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: The Mary Sue

From their review of the Sleepy Hollow episode "Necromancer":


This episode took stereotypical notions of the “emotional woman” and the “stoic man,” cut their heads off, and rolled them into a ditch.

Male characters: *EMOTIONAL YELLING*
Female characters: Oh my God shut up, we have an apocalypse to cancel.

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19 November 2013

 

Good News for UConn, Bad News for the Other Teams

John Altavilla reports that Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis's arm is healing on its own. This means she won't need surgery, and should be back in three to five weeks. That's about the same time-table as Morgan Tuck returning from her knee surgery.

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Quote of the Day: The O.C.

From "The Ties that Bind" (1.27):


Marissa: Feels like [you and I are] constantly being punished for something. And Mom just keeps on ticking.

Jimmy: Hey. Your mom has to wake up every morning and be Julie Cooper. That is punishment enough.

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18 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Tom Mison

Tom Mison plays Ichabod Crane on Sleepy Hollow. This is his story of telling his mother about the show:


"I was telling her about the man with no head chasing me around with an axe and explaining the show...and she was just baffled. [She replied] ‘...Do you think you should... Do you maybe want to do some more Shakespeare or something?’"

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17 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Not Always Right

At a store that recently stopped taking checks:


Customer: "What?! I can’t write a check?"

Employee: "I’m sorry, we no longer accept checks. We simply get too many returned for insufficient funds."

Customer: "But I was going to write a check..."

Employee: "We accept credit cards, or you can use your debit card for that checking account."

Customer: "I can’t use my debit card -- I don’t have enough money in my account!"

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16 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Sleepy Hollow

Crane leaves Abbie a voicemail:


"Dear Miss Mills, I trust this aural missive finds you well, if it finds you at all. I’m still trying to fathom the notion that my words are somehow recorded onto your 'smart' phone. After consideration, I agree it is wholly unjust that you are prohibited from attending the Masons assembly. I will rectify this the moment I arrive. Please join us as we strategize our plan of attack against the Horseman’s imminent arrival. I am, most respectfully, Ichabod Crane"

[You can listen to it here.]

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15 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: ESPN

UConn went to #8 Maryland today. UConn was down to seven scholarship players, and four of those were guards. In the game, all three of the post players were in foul trouble. UConn spent large portions of the second half in a four guard/one post rotation -- which they did a lot last year, but last year they had Kelly Faris who could guard anyone but Britney Griner. Late in first half one of the two bench players twisted her ankle and had to come out of the game. (Thankfully she returned for the second half.)

This is from ESPN's review of the game:

"If this was a glimpse of the new normal, the months ahead might take a toll on Connecticut.

It still won't be much fun for the rest of the teams around the country, either. It will be even less fun for them if this was just a temporary test for the No. 1 team.

Missing two players from an already gaunt rotation, mired with foul trouble Friday and playing on the road against a team with championship aspirations and the roster to match, No. 1 Connecticut nonetheless beat No. 8 Maryland 72-55.

This wasn't the best team Connecticut can put on the court. It was a team that made a compelling case that the Huskies remain the best team by a comfortable margin."


In other UConn news, Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis has an "ulnar nerve compression". Per UConn reporter John Altavilla, "Depending upon where it occurs, this pressure on the nerve can cause numbness and/or pain in the elbow, wrist, hand, fingers."

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14 November 2013

 

The Night of the Doctor

The pre-50th anniversary mini-episode:



(If you don't recognize him, that's the 8th doctor.)

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Quote of the Day: Richard Sherman

From this video where Richard Sherman explains how he studies offenses:


"There were [teams] that worked me out as a receiver. Like, half the teams. And they said if I would have fell to the sixth or seventh rounds, they would have taken me as a receiver. It's crazy how that could have changed things."


Edited to add this great video of Richard Sherman and Percy Harvin watching game video together:


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13 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale

From twitter:


"Looking for motivation in your work or personal life? So are all of us. We think it was hidden in a cave or a tree. Shout if you find it."

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12 November 2013

 

I Know It Looks Crazy & Silly, But It's SOOOO Good -- I Promise!



Although, to be fair, it is crazy. But that's part of the fun!!

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Quote of the Day: iCarly

From "iFight Shelby Marx":


Freddie: You been on iCarly.com today?

Carly: No, why?

Freddie: Over 100,000 comments in the past 24 hours.

Carly: 100,000?

Freddie: Yep. Almost all of them about the fight.

Carly:
Let me guess: "Carly's a chicken", "Carly's lame", "Carly's a coward"...

Freddie: Most of them weren't that nice.

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11 November 2013

 

Ouch

UConn beat Stanford today, 76-57. Yay, right? And if you read this game summary from the University of Connecticut website, you'd think that the worst thing to happen in the game was Breanna Stewart getting in foul trouble early and not playing a great game.

For some reason, they completely omitted that Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis was badly injured early in the second half. She and a Stanford player went up (I think for a rebound), and when she came down she landed badly on her right arm. I thought she landed directly on her elbow, but the announcers later said that she landed on her palm. They replayed it a couple of times, but I couldn't watch. After she fell, she immediately began screaming. Not crying, screaming. After a couple minutes, the trainers were able to get her on her feet and walk her to the locker room, but she never came back. The only update they had by the end of the game was that her arm was very swollen, she was in a lot of pain, and they would re-examine it tomorrow.

The thing about watching college players is that you see them come in as 17 or 18-year-olds, and you watch them grow up. Seeing this strong, tough young woman screaming in agony was just heart-wrenching.

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Quote of the Day: Kacey Musgraves

From the song "Silver Lining":


If you're ever gonna find a silver lining
It's gotta be a cloudy day

If you wanna fill your bottle up with lightning
You're gonna have to stand in the rain

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10 November 2013

 

Go Betty Lou!

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Quote of the Day: Not Always Right

The phone company calls a customer:


phone company:
“May I speak to [customer's name] please?”

woman: “He’s not here.”

phone company:
“This is [name], with [phone company]. I am calling to remind you that your phone bill was due on the 5th and is in danger of being disconnected. Can you tell me when you will be able to pay it?”

woman: “How did you get this number? It’s unlisted!”

phone company: “Ma’am, this is the phone company. We gave you this phone number.”

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09 November 2013

 

Quote(s) of the Day: The Turtles & The Beatles

I like to pretend these songs are about the same woman (even if her name is spelled differently):


Elenore, gee I think you're swell
And you really do me well
You're my pride and joy, et cetera
Elenore, can I take the time
To ask you to speak your mind
Tell me that you love me better

[and]

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been,
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father Mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

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08 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes

I couldn't choose just one, but they're all from A Complete Curmudgeon's Guide to "The Sound of Music":


"You only have 17 favorite things, and one of them is 'doorbells'?"

"Maria is apparently sent off to the von Trapp household in the early summer, 'until September.' At the time she leaves, she wants to be a nun. Before the end of the summer, she has decided she wants a military husband and seven children. Maria needs a gap year, or she's going to enter into a series of unsatisfying short careers."

"The 'Lonely Goatherd' puppet show is all about coerced mountain marriages, including coerced goat marriages, which send a bad message to children and anthropomorphized goats."

"You would start by teaching untrained children to sing in unison. There's nothing wrong with unison. Having them sing in seven-part harmony is overly ambitious and likely to create stress."

"If Gretl is really dozing off in the middle of performances, she probably needs to focus less on her singing career and more on going to bed early."

"Sure, the Captain perhaps overreacts to discovering the children playing, but ask yourself this: if you hired a nanny and later saw your children, under her supervision, hanging from trees over a road without so much as a safety rope, would you find that whimsical?"

"That's a very short time for children under 15 to all become accomplished puppeteers."

"Louisa's middle-child thing is not going to be helped by sharing a verse with her sister."

"'There's isn't going to be any Baroness.' That is cold. THERE WILL STILL BE A BARONESS."

"Everybody sings a song about what a flake Maria is. At her wedding. Etiquette fail."

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07 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Swish Appeal

From their preview of UConn:


"Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis: To say Mosqueda-Lewis shot well in her sophomore season would be an understatement. The forward shot 52 percent from the field and 49(!) percent from 3-point range. These numbers aren't trumped up by a small sample size either -- she shot 458 times last season and 240 of them were 3-pointers. That's a true shooting percentage of 68. Sweet Jesus."

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06 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: The O.C.

From "The Goodbye Girl" (1.21):


[Summer's dad is a plastic surgeon.]

Summer: My dad says chins are the new nose.

Anna: So did Picasso.

Summer: Really? What hospital does he work for? [pause] Kidding! I'm not that dumb. Just shallow.

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05 November 2013

 

UConn, with a Dash Of Storm

ESPN did a thing where they named the top five players at each position, and it shows how ridiculous UConn is. Per ESPN, they've got the top power forward (Breanna Stewart) and their point guard (Bria Hartley), small forward (Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis), and center (Stefanie Dolson) are all in the top fives for those positions.

In other news, former UConn player Kelly Faris is playing in Hungary and her teammate is.... The Storm's own Tianna Hawkins! I love it when players from "my" teams play together.

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Quote of the Day: Not Always Right

From the days when software updates were sent out on multiple floppy disks:


Customer: “The computer says it’s unable to read disk two.”

IT Support: “Can we start the installation again just to check it is the disk that is the problem, please? Put the disk in the drive and type ‘a:update’. Then, press enter.

Customer: “Okay. It says it’s unable to read disk one now.”

IT Support: “I’m sorry. Did you try that with disk one or two?”

Customer: “Both.”

IT Support: “No, sorry. Just then, not earlier. Was the disk in the drive disk one, or two?”

Customer: “Both. Both disks are in the drive. Why? Was I supposed to take the first one out before putting the second one in? It didn’t say to do so, just to insert disk 2.”

IT Support: “You’ve got two disks in the drive at the same time? That must’ve been difficult to manage.”

Customer: “Not when you hit the second one with an encyclopedia.”

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04 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Richard Cohen

From his 7/21/13 column:


"New York stuck with the same starting lineup that was destroyed in the opening quarter of Thursday’s disaster, but they began the game much better. Well, Cappie Pondexter dropped the ball out of bounds on the opening possession, but in general they started better."

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03 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Elise Woodward

From her twitter:


"It's almost as if the Seahawks said,'If you think the Rams game scared you, just wait for what we're going to put u thru against the Bucs!'"

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02 November 2013

 

Flock to the Streets in Outrage!

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Quote of the Day: The X-Files

From "The List" (3.05):


Mulder: Okay, but imagine if it was true, Scully. Imagine if you can come back [from the dead] and take out five people, who caused you to suffer. Who whould they be?

Scully: I only get five?

Mulder: [looks up at her] I've remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully?

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01 November 2013

 

Quote of the Day: Donovan

"Mellow Yellow":


I'm just mad about Saffron
Saffron's mad about me
I'm just mad about Saffron
She's just mad about me

They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow

I'm just mad about Fourteen
Fourteen's mad about me
I'm just mad about Fourteen
She's just mad about me

They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow

Born high forever to fly
Wind velocity nil
Born high forever to fly
If you want your cup I will fill

They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow

(So mellow, he's so yellow)

Electrical banana
Is gonna be a sudden craze
Electrical banana
Is bound to be the very next phase

They call it mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow

Saffron -- yeah
I'm just mad about her
I'm just mad about Saffron
She's just mad about me

They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
They call me mellow yellow

(Oh so yellow, oh so mellow)


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