13 June 2014
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From their twitter:
"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says 'why the long face.' The horse does not understand. It is from a future where language is dead."
"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says 'why the long face.' The horse does not understand. It is from a future where language is dead."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
01 May 2014
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From episode 16, "The Phone Call":
"In light of the ever-declining sales of newspapers and the rise of competition from digital media, the Night Vale Daily Journal announced that it has developed a new business model. Publishing editor Leanne Hart, speaking to television and internet reporters outside the burned-down shell of the Journal's former distribution plant, said their new mission, as a newspaper, is to kill news bloggers with hatchets. In this bold new initiative -- a game-changing strategy by one of the industry's stalwarts -- the Daily Journal plans to just 'go to bloggers homes and places of employment with hatchets then chop them up (the bloggers). Until they (the bloggers) are dead.' She added that the Journal still plans to use the AP style guide, and they are working to design a newer, more modern-looking masthead. Several Journal reporters and ad reps then began swinging blades at the non-print reporters in attendance. "
"In light of the ever-declining sales of newspapers and the rise of competition from digital media, the Night Vale Daily Journal announced that it has developed a new business model. Publishing editor Leanne Hart, speaking to television and internet reporters outside the burned-down shell of the Journal's former distribution plant, said their new mission, as a newspaper, is to kill news bloggers with hatchets. In this bold new initiative -- a game-changing strategy by one of the industry's stalwarts -- the Daily Journal plans to just 'go to bloggers homes and places of employment with hatchets then chop them up (the bloggers). Until they (the bloggers) are dead.' She added that the Journal still plans to use the AP style guide, and they are working to design a newer, more modern-looking masthead. Several Journal reporters and ad reps then began swinging blades at the non-print reporters in attendance. "
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
22 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From "History Week" (episode 7):
"The results of a recent survey of Night Vale residents came to light this week. The study found widespread dissatisfaction with our town's public library. And when considering the facts, it's easy to see why. The public computers for internet use are out-dated and slow. The lending period of fourteen days is not nearly long enough to read lengthier books, given the busy schedules of all our lives. The fatality rate is also well above the national average for public libraries. The library blood stone circle does not appear to have seen any maintenance or cleaning in some time. There are reports of a faceless specter moving about the biography section, picking off lone browsers one by one. And that biography section, by the way, is far too small and has been oddly curated: containing thirty-three copies of the official biography of Helen Hunt and no other books. From top to bottom, the public library is a disgrace to our fair city and I can only hope our city council does something about that soon. Or I may find myself hoping that the faceless specter puts the library to the same mysterious violent end as its many victims."
"The results of a recent survey of Night Vale residents came to light this week. The study found widespread dissatisfaction with our town's public library. And when considering the facts, it's easy to see why. The public computers for internet use are out-dated and slow. The lending period of fourteen days is not nearly long enough to read lengthier books, given the busy schedules of all our lives. The fatality rate is also well above the national average for public libraries. The library blood stone circle does not appear to have seen any maintenance or cleaning in some time. There are reports of a faceless specter moving about the biography section, picking off lone browsers one by one. And that biography section, by the way, is far too small and has been oddly curated: containing thirty-three copies of the official biography of Helen Hunt and no other books. From top to bottom, the public library is a disgrace to our fair city and I can only hope our city council does something about that soon. Or I may find myself hoping that the faceless specter puts the library to the same mysterious violent end as its many victims."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
03 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From episode #17, "Valentine":
"Emergency workers report that they have reached Old Town Night Vale, and further report that it is a scene out of a nightmare. Assuming you have had the usual nightmare in which Old Town received minor structural damage and debris, with no serious injuries."
"Emergency workers report that they have reached Old Town Night Vale, and further report that it is a scene out of a nightmare. Assuming you have had the usual nightmare in which Old Town received minor structural damage and debris, with no serious injuries."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
01 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From twitter:
"Refer a friend to existential despair and get a free extra year of life that doesn't matter."
"Refer a friend to existential despair and get a free extra year of life that doesn't matter."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
27 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Welcome to NightVale
From episode 8, "The Lights in Radon Canyon":
"And now, a word from our sponsor: Step into your nearest Subway restaurant today and try their new six-inch mashed potato sub. Top it with a delicious assortment of fresh vegetables, like french fries and Nutella. They'll even toast or poach it for you. There are several Subway locations in Night Vale, all easily accessible through witchcraft and chanting. And between now and November 30th, buy nine reverse colonics and get a free forty ounce soda or freshly baked tobacco cookie. Subway: devour your own empty heart."
"And now, a word from our sponsor: Step into your nearest Subway restaurant today and try their new six-inch mashed potato sub. Top it with a delicious assortment of fresh vegetables, like french fries and Nutella. They'll even toast or poach it for you. There are several Subway locations in Night Vale, all easily accessible through witchcraft and chanting. And between now and November 30th, buy nine reverse colonics and get a free forty ounce soda or freshly baked tobacco cookie. Subway: devour your own empty heart."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
05 January 2014
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From twitter:
"Want to make money fast? I dunno. Rob someone. Commit fraud. There’s lots of ways. Watch some movies for ideas."
"Want to make money fast? I dunno. Rob someone. Commit fraud. There’s lots of ways. Watch some movies for ideas."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
30 November 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Nightvale
From twitter:
"Ten Places You Need To See Before You Die. Sorry, we meant 'OR You'll Die.' You have an hour to see these ten places. Your time starts now."
"Ten Places You Need To See Before You Die. Sorry, we meant 'OR You'll Die.' You have an hour to see these ten places. Your time starts now."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
13 November 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From twitter:
"Looking for motivation in your work or personal life? So are all of us. We think it was hidden in a cave or a tree. Shout if you find it."
"Looking for motivation in your work or personal life? So are all of us. We think it was hidden in a cave or a tree. Shout if you find it."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
30 October 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From twitter:
"Time waits for no man. Or woman. Or single cell organism. It does wait for certain trees. Those trees are to be feared and worshipped."
"Time waits for no man. Or woman. Or single cell organism. It does wait for certain trees. Those trees are to be feared and worshipped."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
25 October 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From twitter:
"LOST: DOG. Has no visible form. Clear, cloudlike, humid. Brings anguish to all it passes through. Reward if never found again."
"LOST: DOG. Has no visible form. Clear, cloudlike, humid. Brings anguish to all it passes through. Reward if never found again."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
22 October 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From episode 7, "History Week":
"And now, a word from our sponsors. That word is: carp."
[This reminds me of this classic Veronica Mars quote.]
"And now, a word from our sponsors. That word is: carp."
[This reminds me of this classic Veronica Mars quote.]
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
14 October 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Nightvale
From episode 6, "The Drawbridge":
"This Friday, at Night Vale High's Memorial Stadium, it's the annual Softball Showdown between the Night Vale Fire Department and the Sheriff's secret police. Proceeds from the game will go to support development of nuclear weaponry for a strongly religious Indonesian militia that is looking to overthrow their heretical government, as well as to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. So, even if you don't like softball, come on out and support a couple of great causes. Last year's game ended in a rout as the secret police hit three home runs in the 8th and 9th innings. The firefighters claim that there was some foul play involved (pun intended, dear listeners) as their entire bullpen was assassinated in the middle innings with blow darts. Those murders remain unsolved and completely un-investigated. Our hearts go out the families of the deceased relief pitchers. Rest in peace. It should a fun one -- expect a real revenge-minded fire department to take the field on Friday. Tickets are only $10, or $5 if you bring enriched yellow cake uranium. Black helicopters will be mind-scanning the town on game day, hunting down those who do not attend. The first 500 fans receive surgically applied working gills."
"This Friday, at Night Vale High's Memorial Stadium, it's the annual Softball Showdown between the Night Vale Fire Department and the Sheriff's secret police. Proceeds from the game will go to support development of nuclear weaponry for a strongly religious Indonesian militia that is looking to overthrow their heretical government, as well as to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. So, even if you don't like softball, come on out and support a couple of great causes. Last year's game ended in a rout as the secret police hit three home runs in the 8th and 9th innings. The firefighters claim that there was some foul play involved (pun intended, dear listeners) as their entire bullpen was assassinated in the middle innings with blow darts. Those murders remain unsolved and completely un-investigated. Our hearts go out the families of the deceased relief pitchers. Rest in peace. It should a fun one -- expect a real revenge-minded fire department to take the field on Friday. Tickets are only $10, or $5 if you bring enriched yellow cake uranium. Black helicopters will be mind-scanning the town on game day, hunting down those who do not attend. The first 500 fans receive surgically applied working gills."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
03 October 2013
Quote of the Day: Night Vale Twitter
Original tweet:
"Quiet tapping at your window may be spooky but that's just our overactive imagination! Likely it's merely a masked intruder seeking entrance."
"Quiet tapping at your window may be spooky but that's just our overactive imagination! Likely it's merely a masked intruder seeking entrance."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
26 September 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From episode 5, "The Shape in Grove Park":
"The Night Vale Green Market Co-op announced today that, after 15 years, they will begin selling fruits and vegetables. Green Market Board President Tristan Cortez said that recent customer surveys indicated that shoppers have grown tired of empty pick-up trucks and vacant tents lining the city hall parking lot every Sunday morning in the summer and fall. Cortez said that research indicates consumers are more likely to buy products if they are available and for sale, and that green market and grocery shoppers tend to purchase food items. Cortez said that the decision to sell food at the Green Market was a controversial one as many board members and co-op shareholders feel fruit and vegetable sales will interfere with their ongoing secretive domestic espionage operations."
"The Night Vale Green Market Co-op announced today that, after 15 years, they will begin selling fruits and vegetables. Green Market Board President Tristan Cortez said that recent customer surveys indicated that shoppers have grown tired of empty pick-up trucks and vacant tents lining the city hall parking lot every Sunday morning in the summer and fall. Cortez said that research indicates consumers are more likely to buy products if they are available and for sale, and that green market and grocery shoppers tend to purchase food items. Cortez said that the decision to sell food at the Green Market was a controversial one as many board members and co-op shareholders feel fruit and vegetable sales will interfere with their ongoing secretive domestic espionage operations."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
17 September 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From episode 3, "Station Management":
"Listeners, we are currently fielding numerous reports that books have stopped working. It seems that all over Night Vale, books have simply ceased functioning. The scientists are studying one of the broken books to see if they can understand just what is going on here. The exact problem is currently unclear, but some of the words being used include 'sparks', 'meat smell', 'biting', and 'lethal gas'. For your own safety, please do not attempt to open a book until we have more information on the nature and cause of these problems. The city council has released only a brief statement, indicating that their stance on books has not changed, and that -- as always -- they believe that books are dangerous and inadvisable, and should not be kept in private homes."
"Listeners, we are currently fielding numerous reports that books have stopped working. It seems that all over Night Vale, books have simply ceased functioning. The scientists are studying one of the broken books to see if they can understand just what is going on here. The exact problem is currently unclear, but some of the words being used include 'sparks', 'meat smell', 'biting', and 'lethal gas'. For your own safety, please do not attempt to open a book until we have more information on the nature and cause of these problems. The city council has released only a brief statement, indicating that their stance on books has not changed, and that -- as always -- they believe that books are dangerous and inadvisable, and should not be kept in private homes."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
03 September 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From episode 2, "Glow Cloud":
"And now, the news. Have any of our listeners seen the glowing cloud that has been moving in from the west? Well, John Peters -- you know, the farmer? -- he saw it over the western ridge this morning. Said he would have thought it was the setting sun, if it wasn't for the time of day. Apparently, the cloud glows in a variety of colors, perhaps changing from observer to observer. Although all report a low whistling when it draws near. One death has already been attributed to the glow cloud. But listen, it's probably nothing. If we had to shut down the town for every mysterious event that at least one death could be attributed to, we'd never have time to do anything, right? That's what the sheriff's secret police are saying, and I agree. Although, I would not go so far as to endorse their suggestion to 'run directly at the cloud, shrieking and waving your arms, just to see what it does.'"
"And now, the news. Have any of our listeners seen the glowing cloud that has been moving in from the west? Well, John Peters -- you know, the farmer? -- he saw it over the western ridge this morning. Said he would have thought it was the setting sun, if it wasn't for the time of day. Apparently, the cloud glows in a variety of colors, perhaps changing from observer to observer. Although all report a low whistling when it draws near. One death has already been attributed to the glow cloud. But listen, it's probably nothing. If we had to shut down the town for every mysterious event that at least one death could be attributed to, we'd never have time to do anything, right? That's what the sheriff's secret police are saying, and I agree. Although, I would not go so far as to endorse their suggestion to 'run directly at the cloud, shrieking and waving your arms, just to see what it does.'"
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
28 August 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From episode 2, "Glow Cloud":
"Alert: The sheriff's secret police are searching for a fugitive named Hiram McDaniels, who escaped custody last night following a 9pm arrest. McDaniels is described as five-headed dragon, approximately 18 feet tall, with mostly green eyes, and weighing about 3600 pounds. He is suspected of insurance fraud."
"Alert: The sheriff's secret police are searching for a fugitive named Hiram McDaniels, who escaped custody last night following a 9pm arrest. McDaniels is described as five-headed dragon, approximately 18 feet tall, with mostly green eyes, and weighing about 3600 pounds. He is suspected of insurance fraud."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
25 August 2013
Quote of the Day: Welcome to Night Vale
From the pilot episode of the podcast:
"Traffic time, listeners. Now, police are issuing warnings about ghost cars out on the highways. Those cars: only visible in the distance, reaching unimaginable speeds, leaving destinations unknown for destinations more unknown. They would like to remind you that you should not set your speed by these apparitions, and doing so will not be considered 'following the flow of traffic'. However, they do say that it's probably safe to match speed with the mysterious lights in the sky, as whatever entities or organizations responsible appear to be cautious and reasonable drivers."
"Traffic time, listeners. Now, police are issuing warnings about ghost cars out on the highways. Those cars: only visible in the distance, reaching unimaginable speeds, leaving destinations unknown for destinations more unknown. They would like to remind you that you should not set your speed by these apparitions, and doing so will not be considered 'following the flow of traffic'. However, they do say that it's probably safe to match speed with the mysterious lights in the sky, as whatever entities or organizations responsible appear to be cautious and reasonable drivers."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
