31 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Working
Seen here:
Telemarketer: “Hello, could I talk to [mother], please?”
Kid: “Sorry, she’s not available.”
Telemarketer: “Don’t play with me. I want to talk to your mother.”
Kid: “She’s not here. You can’t talk to her because she’s not here!”
Telemarketer:“So if I get off the phone, come to your house, open the window, and climb in, I won’t find her there? I could do that.”
Kid: “Well, if you did that, one: it would be a crime, and two: you wouldn’t find her because she’s not here.”
Telemarketer: “I don’t believe you. Put your mother on right now.”
Kid: “You know what? I’ve been more than patient with you. I’ve had it. Don’t call back here again. Goodbye.”
(The kid hangs up the phone. It immediately rings again.)
Telemarketer: “We’re not done here. Put your mother on! I know she’s there!”
Kid: “Fine, you got me. She’s kind of here.”
Telemarketer: “I knew she was there. Wait, how can she be kind of there?”
Kid: “She’s here in body but not in spirit.”
Telemarketer: “What do you mean?”
Kid: “I mean she was mauled to death by a horde of angry platypi!” *sobbing voice* “I don’t even know how it happened. She was just sitting there, watching Days Of Our Lives, when they just came in with switchblades and shanks. She was watching TV; she never even saw them coming until it was too late! And worst of all: IT WAS PERRY THE PLATYPUS LEADING THEM! HE’S A MURDERER! A MURDERER!”
Telemarketer: “Well... I didn’t know your mother had died. I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’ll remove your number from call list. Goodbye.” *click*
Kid: “...I don’t understand how he believed that...”
Telemarketer: “Hello, could I talk to [mother], please?”
Kid: “Sorry, she’s not available.”
Telemarketer: “Don’t play with me. I want to talk to your mother.”
Kid: “She’s not here. You can’t talk to her because she’s not here!”
Telemarketer:“So if I get off the phone, come to your house, open the window, and climb in, I won’t find her there? I could do that.”
Kid: “Well, if you did that, one: it would be a crime, and two: you wouldn’t find her because she’s not here.”
Telemarketer: “I don’t believe you. Put your mother on right now.”
Kid: “You know what? I’ve been more than patient with you. I’ve had it. Don’t call back here again. Goodbye.”
(The kid hangs up the phone. It immediately rings again.)
Telemarketer: “We’re not done here. Put your mother on! I know she’s there!”
Kid: “Fine, you got me. She’s kind of here.”
Telemarketer: “I knew she was there. Wait, how can she be kind of there?”
Kid: “She’s here in body but not in spirit.”
Telemarketer: “What do you mean?”
Kid: “I mean she was mauled to death by a horde of angry platypi!” *sobbing voice* “I don’t even know how it happened. She was just sitting there, watching Days Of Our Lives, when they just came in with switchblades and shanks. She was watching TV; she never even saw them coming until it was too late! And worst of all: IT WAS PERRY THE PLATYPUS LEADING THEM! HE’S A MURDERER! A MURDERER!”
Telemarketer: “Well... I didn’t know your mother had died. I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’ll remove your number from call list. Goodbye.” *click*
Kid: “...I don’t understand how he believed that...”
Labels: Not Always...
30 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Tumblr
Seen here:
tumblr #1: tell me a story about how people survive in Minnesota. Because from my understanding it is a frozen, tundra-like, barren... well, not wasteland, but pretty close. With some targets.
tumblr #2: We wake at dawn because we can no longer sleep through the cold in our houses, the snow falling in clumps the size of baseballs.
Wind gusts shake the windows and icicles hang from the ceiling. We put on two pair of boots -- the regular boot and the government boot, which everyone receives before the first snowfall of the year. The Minnesota boot has 6 inch spikes to walk through the sheets of the ice that cover the land.
Only the eyes left exposed, to ensure that the cold of winter does not permeate our snow suits, which we make of old tarps and pillowcases stuffed with newspapers. They are all blaze orange so we can find the bodies of the frozen dead that litter our sidewalks. We travel in packs for safety, but if one falls, he/she is left behind to form a new pack or is eaten.
We walk together in hordes, blinded and freezing, climbing small mountains of snow and ice, until we see it in the distance: Target. The red sign is our winter sun, and it shines like a beacon across the horizon. We stumble toward it, rolling the last 20 feet across the parking lot because our legs have gone numb.
When we make it through the doors, emergency crews are there to wrap us in heat blankets and give us Starbucks. Some never make it this far. It is a perilous journey, but one we must make.
Together, from November to April, we are strong. We are cold. We are Minnesotan.
tumblr #1: tell me a story about how people survive in Minnesota. Because from my understanding it is a frozen, tundra-like, barren... well, not wasteland, but pretty close. With some targets.
tumblr #2: We wake at dawn because we can no longer sleep through the cold in our houses, the snow falling in clumps the size of baseballs.
Wind gusts shake the windows and icicles hang from the ceiling. We put on two pair of boots -- the regular boot and the government boot, which everyone receives before the first snowfall of the year. The Minnesota boot has 6 inch spikes to walk through the sheets of the ice that cover the land.
Only the eyes left exposed, to ensure that the cold of winter does not permeate our snow suits, which we make of old tarps and pillowcases stuffed with newspapers. They are all blaze orange so we can find the bodies of the frozen dead that litter our sidewalks. We travel in packs for safety, but if one falls, he/she is left behind to form a new pack or is eaten.
We walk together in hordes, blinded and freezing, climbing small mountains of snow and ice, until we see it in the distance: Target. The red sign is our winter sun, and it shines like a beacon across the horizon. We stumble toward it, rolling the last 20 feet across the parking lot because our legs have gone numb.
When we make it through the doors, emergency crews are there to wrap us in heat blankets and give us Starbucks. Some never make it this far. It is a perilous journey, but one we must make.
Together, from November to April, we are strong. We are cold. We are Minnesotan.
Labels: random weirdness
29 March 2014
"Nothing Compares 2 U" / "Wrecking Ball" Mash-Up
Quote of the Day: The Hunger Games
From "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire":
[Katniss and Peeta are forced to work together, but they decide to try to make the best of it.]
Peeta: Maybe we have a shot at being friends.
Katniss: I've never been very good at friends.
Peeta: For starters, it does help when you know the person. I hardly know anything about you except that you're stubborn and good with a bow.
Katniss: That about sums me up.
Peeta: No, there's more than that. You just don't want to tell me.
Katniss: It's like I said, I'm --
Peeta: See, Katniss, the way the whole "friend" thing works is you have tell each other the deep stuff.
Katniss: The deep stuff?
Peeta: Yeah.
Katniss. Uh-oh. Like what?
Peeta: Like, what's your favorite color?
Katniss: Now you've stepped over the line.
[Katniss and Peeta are forced to work together, but they decide to try to make the best of it.]
Peeta: Maybe we have a shot at being friends.
Katniss: I've never been very good at friends.
Peeta: For starters, it does help when you know the person. I hardly know anything about you except that you're stubborn and good with a bow.
Katniss: That about sums me up.
Peeta: No, there's more than that. You just don't want to tell me.
Katniss: It's like I said, I'm --
Peeta: See, Katniss, the way the whole "friend" thing works is you have tell each other the deep stuff.
Katniss: The deep stuff?
Peeta: Yeah.
Katniss. Uh-oh. Like what?
Peeta: Like, what's your favorite color?
Katniss: Now you've stepped over the line.
Labels: movies
28 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Working
Seen here, a grad student from New Mexico, attending school in California, gets a phone call from the California version of the IRS:
Tax Board: “We are calling because you didn’t pay your taxes for the previous year.”
Student: “For which year?”
Tax Board: “[Year student first arrived in California].”
Student: “Yes. I was not a California resident that year.”
Tax Board: “Yes, but you were living in California.”
Student: “True, but I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I paid New Mexico state income taxes for that year. I’m a graduate student and since I could not guarantee that I would be staying past the first year, I was maintaining my New Mexico residency in case I didn’t pass through the first year.”
Tax Board: “But you were still living in California.”
Student: “But I was not a California resident. What money is this about?”
Tax Board: “We have a record of interest on [bank account] of $800.”
Student: “That account is drawn on a bank in New Mexico.”
Tax Board: “But you were living in California.”
Student: “But I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I specifically did not move my accounts over nor did I register my car nor get a driver’s license in California until this year. My voter registration was for New Mexico. I was not a California resident.”
Tax Board: “But you were living in California when you earned the money.”
Student: “But I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I was not a resident of California.”
Tax Board: “But if you are living in California when you earn money, you must pay California taxes on it.”
Student: “That makes no sense. That means anybody who is physically in California whenever any interest is earned means they owe California income tax and that clearly isn’t true.”
Tax Board: “But as soon as you started living in California, you owed California income tax on any money you earned. You weren’t just visiting. You were living here.”
Student: “Wait a minute. It seems every government agency here in California has a different idea of ‘residency.’ The DMV seems to think I needed to register my car as soon as I drove over the border from Arizona. The university says I’m not a resident until I’ve lived here a year. And now you’re telling me that I’m a resident as soon as I earned any money.”
Tax Board: “Yes, you owe California income tax on money you earned while living in California.”
Student: “You say I owe taxes on $800 of interest income? That’s what, eight dollars of taxes I owe?”
Tax Board: “That’s right.”
Student: “I’ll be happy to write you a check for $8 in exchange for a refund of the $10,000 in out-of-state tuition I had to pay.”
Tax Board: “Excuse me?”
Student: “If I’m liable for taxes, then I demand the services that those taxes paid for. San Diego State is a state-run institution. It is funded by my tax revenues. I was charged out-of-state tuition. But you, the tax franchise board, are saying that I am a resident of California. Refund me my out-of-state tuition. You can take the eight bucks out of that.”
Tax Board: “... I think we might be able to overlook this.”
Tax Board: “We are calling because you didn’t pay your taxes for the previous year.”
Student: “For which year?”
Tax Board: “[Year student first arrived in California].”
Student: “Yes. I was not a California resident that year.”
Tax Board: “Yes, but you were living in California.”
Student: “True, but I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I paid New Mexico state income taxes for that year. I’m a graduate student and since I could not guarantee that I would be staying past the first year, I was maintaining my New Mexico residency in case I didn’t pass through the first year.”
Tax Board: “But you were still living in California.”
Student: “But I was not a California resident. What money is this about?”
Tax Board: “We have a record of interest on [bank account] of $800.”
Student: “That account is drawn on a bank in New Mexico.”
Tax Board: “But you were living in California.”
Student: “But I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I specifically did not move my accounts over nor did I register my car nor get a driver’s license in California until this year. My voter registration was for New Mexico. I was not a California resident.”
Tax Board: “But you were living in California when you earned the money.”
Student: “But I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I was not a resident of California.”
Tax Board: “But if you are living in California when you earn money, you must pay California taxes on it.”
Student: “That makes no sense. That means anybody who is physically in California whenever any interest is earned means they owe California income tax and that clearly isn’t true.”
Tax Board: “But as soon as you started living in California, you owed California income tax on any money you earned. You weren’t just visiting. You were living here.”
Student: “Wait a minute. It seems every government agency here in California has a different idea of ‘residency.’ The DMV seems to think I needed to register my car as soon as I drove over the border from Arizona. The university says I’m not a resident until I’ve lived here a year. And now you’re telling me that I’m a resident as soon as I earned any money.”
Tax Board: “Yes, you owe California income tax on money you earned while living in California.”
Student: “You say I owe taxes on $800 of interest income? That’s what, eight dollars of taxes I owe?”
Tax Board: “That’s right.”
Student: “I’ll be happy to write you a check for $8 in exchange for a refund of the $10,000 in out-of-state tuition I had to pay.”
Tax Board: “Excuse me?”
Student: “If I’m liable for taxes, then I demand the services that those taxes paid for. San Diego State is a state-run institution. It is funded by my tax revenues. I was charged out-of-state tuition. But you, the tax franchise board, are saying that I am a resident of California. Refund me my out-of-state tuition. You can take the eight bucks out of that.”
Tax Board: “... I think we might be able to overlook this.”
Labels: Not Always...
27 March 2014
How Seattle's Neighborhoods Got Their Names
This is neat. Examples:
The Bitter Lake neighborhood in north Seattle is named after the small lake inside of it. That lake itself got its name because of the tannic acid that flowed into the lake from a local sawmill. The lake became so bitter that horses refused to drink from it, leading to the well-known phrase, “You can lead a horse to water, but if it’s in a lake filled with acid then you won’t be able to get it to drink.”
Eastlake is the small neighborhood east of Lake Union. It is not east of Lake Washington. If you go east of Lake Washington, you’re in Bellevue.
Lake City took its name from a sign that someone posted along the Seattle, Lake Shore & Eastern Railroad north of the Sand Point brick factory. The sign, tacked to a shed, said "Lake," in reference to Lake Washington, and the name Lake City eventually stuck.
Montlake, a community that sits in between Capitol Hill and the University District alongside the Lake Washington ship canal, got its name from real estate agents who wanted to evoke the beauty of both mountains and lakes in order to move land. Sorry Montlake, you’re just a marketing term.
Northgate’s name was codified around the development of the Northgate Mall in 1950, which was the first indoor shopping center in America to be called a mall. So, yeah. It’s named after a mall.
This neighborhood [South Lake Union] sits south of Lake Union. It must not be confused with the southern portion of Lake Union itself—much like Amazon.com, which is headquartered in South Lake Union, should not be confused with the Amazon River.
The Bitter Lake neighborhood in north Seattle is named after the small lake inside of it. That lake itself got its name because of the tannic acid that flowed into the lake from a local sawmill. The lake became so bitter that horses refused to drink from it, leading to the well-known phrase, “You can lead a horse to water, but if it’s in a lake filled with acid then you won’t be able to get it to drink.”
Eastlake is the small neighborhood east of Lake Union. It is not east of Lake Washington. If you go east of Lake Washington, you’re in Bellevue.
Lake City took its name from a sign that someone posted along the Seattle, Lake Shore & Eastern Railroad north of the Sand Point brick factory. The sign, tacked to a shed, said "Lake," in reference to Lake Washington, and the name Lake City eventually stuck.
Montlake, a community that sits in between Capitol Hill and the University District alongside the Lake Washington ship canal, got its name from real estate agents who wanted to evoke the beauty of both mountains and lakes in order to move land. Sorry Montlake, you’re just a marketing term.
Northgate’s name was codified around the development of the Northgate Mall in 1950, which was the first indoor shopping center in America to be called a mall. So, yeah. It’s named after a mall.
This neighborhood [South Lake Union] sits south of Lake Union. It must not be confused with the southern portion of Lake Union itself—much like Amazon.com, which is headquartered in South Lake Union, should not be confused with the Amazon River.
Labels: history
Quote of the Day: Welcome to NightVale
From episode 8, "The Lights in Radon Canyon":
"And now, a word from our sponsor: Step into your nearest Subway restaurant today and try their new six-inch mashed potato sub. Top it with a delicious assortment of fresh vegetables, like french fries and Nutella. They'll even toast or poach it for you. There are several Subway locations in Night Vale, all easily accessible through witchcraft and chanting. And between now and November 30th, buy nine reverse colonics and get a free forty ounce soda or freshly baked tobacco cookie. Subway: devour your own empty heart."
"And now, a word from our sponsor: Step into your nearest Subway restaurant today and try their new six-inch mashed potato sub. Top it with a delicious assortment of fresh vegetables, like french fries and Nutella. They'll even toast or poach it for you. There are several Subway locations in Night Vale, all easily accessible through witchcraft and chanting. And between now and November 30th, buy nine reverse colonics and get a free forty ounce soda or freshly baked tobacco cookie. Subway: devour your own empty heart."
Labels: Welcome to Night Vale
26 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Not Always Right
From a hospital:
[The nurse returns to the patient after the hospital receives a call from his worried wife.]
Nurse: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”
Patient: “Which one?”
Nurse: “Which one what?”
Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”
Nurse: “... No. She just said she was your wife.”
Patient: “D***.”
Nurse: “... Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”
[The nurse returns to the patient after the hospital receives a call from his worried wife.]
Nurse: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”
Patient: “Which one?”
Nurse: “Which one what?”
Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”
Nurse: “... No. She just said she was your wife.”
Patient: “D***.”
Nurse: “... Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”
Labels: Not Always...
25 March 2014
Quote of the Day: John Altavilla
Tweeting from tonight's 2nd round UConn vs St. Joseph's game, an admittedly ill & cranky John Altavilla was in rare form:
"So to recap: We have played 1:40 seconds. #UConnwomen are up 8-0. Good luck to you, [UConn sweet sixteen opponent] BYU"
"There have been 17 rebounds.. #UConnwomen have 14. How many does St. Joe's have boys and girls?"
"Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis has 10 points, 3 rebounds, four assists and an adorable baby brother"
"Moriah Jefferson is faster than melted butter on someone lactose intolerant"
"St. Joe's has 21. #UConnwomen have 42. What percentage of Husky points do the Hawks have, boys and girls?"
"So to recap: We have played 1:40 seconds. #UConnwomen are up 8-0. Good luck to you, [UConn sweet sixteen opponent] BYU"
"There have been 17 rebounds.. #UConnwomen have 14. How many does St. Joe's have boys and girls?"
"Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis has 10 points, 3 rebounds, four assists and an adorable baby brother"
"Moriah Jefferson is faster than melted butter on someone lactose intolerant"
"St. Joe's has 21. #UConnwomen have 42. What percentage of Husky points do the Hawks have, boys and girls?"
Labels: UConn basketball
24 March 2014
Emeli Sande
I recently discovered Emeli Sande; I'm really enjoying her music. This is "My Kind of Love":
Labels: music
Quote of the Day: The O.C.
From "The Heavy Lifting" (3.15):
Seth: Summer found my stash [of marijuana].
Ryan: You don't have any visible bruises. Did she go for the kidneys?
Seth: Summer found my stash [of marijuana].
Ryan: You don't have any visible bruises. Did she go for the kidneys?
Labels: The O.C.
23 March 2014
Quote of the Day: ESPN
Regarding today's first round NCAA tournament game, South Carolina vs Cal State Northridge:
"South Carolina is new to this whole No. 1 seed thing, so maybe the Gamecocks didn't fully understand the deal.
You aren't really supposed to come out and play a close, competitive game in the first round of the NCAA tournament. The way it usually works is you overmatch and overwhelm the No. 16 seed and get yourself warmed up for a long tournament run. Nice and easy, no drama required.
You shouldn't have to look up at the scoreboard and see Cal State Northridge within four points well into the second half. And the Matadors certainly shouldn't be within two possessions of a tie with less than four minutes to go."
"South Carolina is new to this whole No. 1 seed thing, so maybe the Gamecocks didn't fully understand the deal.
You aren't really supposed to come out and play a close, competitive game in the first round of the NCAA tournament. The way it usually works is you overmatch and overwhelm the No. 16 seed and get yourself warmed up for a long tournament run. Nice and easy, no drama required.
You shouldn't have to look up at the scoreboard and see Cal State Northridge within four points well into the second half. And the Matadors certainly shouldn't be within two possessions of a tie with less than four minutes to go."
Labels: college basketball
22 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Tumblr
Seen here:
STORY IDEA: YOUR DOOR BELL RINGS AND ITS A PERSON FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE “I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY FAVORITE BOOK CHARACTER AND I KNOW HOW IT ENDS AND I WANNA CHANGE IT”
STORY IDEA: YOUR DOOR BELL RINGS AND ITS A PERSON FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE “I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY FAVORITE BOOK CHARACTER AND I KNOW HOW IT ENDS AND I WANNA CHANGE IT”
Labels: random silliness
21 March 2014
Quote of the Day: National Association OPPOSED to Woman Suffrage
This historical pamphlet is from 1920:
Vote NO on Woman Suffrage
BECAUSE 90% of the women either do not want it, or do not care.
BECAUSE it means competition of women with men instead of co-operation.
BECAUSE 80% of the women eligible to vote are married and can only double or annul their husbands' votes.
BECAUSE it can be of no benefit commensurate with the additional expense involved.
BECAUSE in some States more voting women than voting men will place the Government under petticoat rule.
BECAUSE it is unwise to risk the good we already have for the evil which may occur.
Votes of Women can accomplish no more than votes of Men. Why waste time, energy and money, without result?
Vote NO on Woman Suffrage
BECAUSE 90% of the women either do not want it, or do not care.
BECAUSE it means competition of women with men instead of co-operation.
BECAUSE 80% of the women eligible to vote are married and can only double or annul their husbands' votes.
BECAUSE it can be of no benefit commensurate with the additional expense involved.
BECAUSE in some States more voting women than voting men will place the Government under petticoat rule.
BECAUSE it is unwise to risk the good we already have for the evil which may occur.
Votes of Women can accomplish no more than votes of Men. Why waste time, energy and money, without result?
Labels: history
20 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Tumblr
19 March 2014
Sadly, I Don't Think I'm in the Right Region
Sports Illustrated is releasing six regional covers for March Madness, and one of them features UConn's Breanna Stewart. (With cameo by Rebecca Lobo!) I'm guessing it won't be on newsstands out here.
It does beg the question, though, which one will be sold up here? Aside from UConn, the other featured athletes* are from Florida, Arizona, Michigan State, Syracuse, and Wichita State.
I'm assuming Arizona?
*All male, of course. Which would have been obvious to me from the list of schools alone. If they had other female basketball players, it probably would have been UConn, Stanford, Baylor, Maryland, and Notre Dame.
It does beg the question, though, which one will be sold up here? Aside from UConn, the other featured athletes* are from Florida, Arizona, Michigan State, Syracuse, and Wichita State.
I'm assuming Arizona?
*All male, of course. Which would have been obvious to me from the list of schools alone. If they had other female basketball players, it probably would have been UConn, Stanford, Baylor, Maryland, and Notre Dame.
Labels: UConn basketball
Quote of the Day: Not Always Working
NotAlwaysWorking is a sister site of NotAlwaysRight, and it gathers stories about bad co-workers and customer service people. For instance, this one from a fast food restaurant:
Customer: “Can I get a hamburger combo and -- ”
Employee: “We don’t have a hamburger combo.”
Customer: “What?”
Employee: “We don’t have hamburger combos.”
Customer: “Then... can I have a cheeseburger combo... without cheese?”
Employee:“Of course!” *happily inputs order*
Customer: “...”
Customer: “Can I get a hamburger combo and -- ”
Employee: “We don’t have a hamburger combo.”
Customer: “What?”
Employee: “We don’t have hamburger combos.”
Customer: “Then... can I have a cheeseburger combo... without cheese?”
Employee:“Of course!” *happily inputs order*
Customer: “...”
Labels: Not Always...
18 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Swish Appeal
From South Carolina's dance card:
"The Gamecocks (Gamehens?) are a strong defensive team, holding opponents to 55 points per game. The good news: they've improved their free throw shooting from last year! The bad news: they're aaaaaall the way up to 66.8%. As a team. This could be a problem."
"The Gamecocks (Gamehens?) are a strong defensive team, holding opponents to 55 points per game. The good news: they've improved their free throw shooting from last year! The bad news: they're aaaaaall the way up to 66.8%. As a team. This could be a problem."
Labels: college basketball
17 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Sam & Cat
From "#FresnoGirl" (1.29):
[Sam and Cat made a deal with one of the kids they babysit that if she got a good grade on her math test, they would buy her a present. After coming home from the store, Cat makes a discovery...]
Cat: Um, Kim? What is this?
Sam: [takes the paper from Cat] This is your math test!
Kim: Uhh... yeah?
Sam: This says you got a 67.
Cat: No, we saw her test. She got a 92.
Sam: Kim?
Kim: Ok, that's my real test. I scanned it, and then I used photodoc to change the 67 to a 92. And then I
showed you guys the fake test.
Cat: [shocked] Kim!
Sam: I'm really disappointed in you [Kim]. When you pull a scam, you always destroy the original evidence so you don't get caught!
[Sam and Cat made a deal with one of the kids they babysit that if she got a good grade on her math test, they would buy her a present. After coming home from the store, Cat makes a discovery...]
Cat: Um, Kim? What is this?
Sam: [takes the paper from Cat] This is your math test!
Kim: Uhh... yeah?
Sam: This says you got a 67.
Cat: No, we saw her test. She got a 92.
Sam: Kim?
Kim: Ok, that's my real test. I scanned it, and then I used photodoc to change the 67 to a 92. And then I
showed you guys the fake test.
Cat: [shocked] Kim!
Sam: I'm really disappointed in you [Kim]. When you pull a scam, you always destroy the original evidence so you don't get caught!
Labels: Sam & Cat
16 March 2014
I Learned Something New Today
While parchment paper doesn't burn in high temperatures, it will catch fire if it touches the heating element in the oven.
Lesson learned....
Lesson learned....
Labels: food
Quote of the Day: Shameless
From "Daddyz Girl" (1.11):
[Frank is trying to get hurt on the job so he can collect workman's comp. His daughter isn't thrilled with the plan.]
Debbie: I don't like that you're getting hurt on purpose to make money. Isn't that cheating?
Frank: I prefer to think of it as helping.
Debbie: You do?
Frank: Yeah. When I collect workman's comp, some lady has to fill out the paperwork. That's her job. If it wasn't for me, she'd be unemployed.
[Frank is trying to get hurt on the job so he can collect workman's comp. His daughter isn't thrilled with the plan.]
Debbie: I don't like that you're getting hurt on purpose to make money. Isn't that cheating?
Frank: I prefer to think of it as helping.
Debbie: You do?
Frank: Yeah. When I collect workman's comp, some lady has to fill out the paperwork. That's her job. If it wasn't for me, she'd be unemployed.
Labels: Shameless
15 March 2014
Quote of the Day; Sam & Cat
From "#SalmonCat" (1.17):
Marty: My name is Martin Malloy. I'm a lawyer.
Sam: Is this about my mom? Is she in jail? Did she go to church naked again?
Marty: I don't know your mother.
Sam: [wistfully] Must be nice...
Marty: My name is Martin Malloy. I'm a lawyer.
Sam: Is this about my mom? Is she in jail? Did she go to church naked again?
Marty: I don't know your mother.
Sam: [wistfully] Must be nice...
Labels: Sam & Cat
14 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Game of Thrones
From "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" (3.07):
[Tyrion's bodyguard Bronn makes some suggestions Tyrion finds disturbing.]
Tyrion: I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. The ones already there don't need company.
Bronn: You pay me to kill people who bother you. The evil notions come free.
[Tyrion's bodyguard Bronn makes some suggestions Tyrion finds disturbing.]
Tyrion: I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. The ones already there don't need company.
Bronn: You pay me to kill people who bother you. The evil notions come free.
Labels: Game of Thrones
13 March 2014
"How many of us are there?"
Quote of the Day: ani difranco
From "pixie":
the man behind the counter looks like he's got
a half a dozen places he'd rather be
and furthermore it looks like he's prepared
to take it all out on me
buddy, I don't really care what your problem is
just don't make it mine
come on kids, let's all hold hands
and pretend we're having a good time
maybe you don't like your job
maybe you didn't get enough sleep
well, nobody likes their job
nobody got enough sleep
maybe you just had
the worst day of your life
but, you know, there's no escape
and there's no excuse
so just suck up and be nice
the man behind the counter looks like he's got
a half a dozen places he'd rather be
and furthermore it looks like he's prepared
to take it all out on me
buddy, I don't really care what your problem is
just don't make it mine
come on kids, let's all hold hands
and pretend we're having a good time
maybe you don't like your job
maybe you didn't get enough sleep
well, nobody likes their job
nobody got enough sleep
maybe you just had
the worst day of your life
but, you know, there's no escape
and there's no excuse
so just suck up and be nice
Labels: ani difranco
12 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Swish Appeal
From their Dance Card summary for UConn:
Good wins: Stanford. At Duke. You know, the usual.
Bad losses: Overall team health, given the injury to Morgan Tuck and the time Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis has had to spend sidelined. Oh, you meant on the court? 0, dudes and dudettes.
Good wins: Stanford. At Duke. You know, the usual.
Bad losses: Overall team health, given the injury to Morgan Tuck and the time Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis has had to spend sidelined. Oh, you meant on the court? 0, dudes and dudettes.
Labels: UConn basketball
11 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Welcome to NightVale
From the twitter:
"If you love something set if free. If it stays in place because it has long wooden roots buried deep in the earth, it was probably a tree."
"If you love something set if free. If it stays in place because it has long wooden roots buried deep in the earth, it was probably a tree."
Labels: random weirdness
10 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Teen Wolf
From "Illuminated" (3.16):
[Scott & Kira need to sneak into the Sheriff's office. Their friend, Stiles, is the son of the Sheriff, so he's giving them electronic keys.]
Stiles: Okay, this one will get you into all the perimeter doors, this one to the evidence room, and this one's for my father's office.
Scott: You didn't steal these, did you?
Stiles: Nah, I just cloned them, using a RFID emulator.
Scott: Is that worse than stealing?
Stiles: [pause] It's smarter.
[Scott & Kira need to sneak into the Sheriff's office. Their friend, Stiles, is the son of the Sheriff, so he's giving them electronic keys.]
Stiles: Okay, this one will get you into all the perimeter doors, this one to the evidence room, and this one's for my father's office.
Scott: You didn't steal these, did you?
Stiles: Nah, I just cloned them, using a RFID emulator.
Scott: Is that worse than stealing?
Stiles: [pause] It's smarter.
Labels: Teen Wolf
09 March 2014
Some Highlights from the Rutgers/UConn AAC Semi-Final
"I was at the other end of the court. I'm not going to lie; I didn't move an inch. But then all of a sudden, Stewie just came flying out of nowhere...."
Labels: UConn basketball
Quote of the Day: The Onion
From U.S. Advances To Women’s Hockey, Hey, Get The Fuck Back Here:
"After surging ahead thanks to first-period goals from Amanda Kessel, Kacey Bellamy, and—what, did seeing the names Amanda and Kacey already make you want to navigate away from this page? Because sources saw your dismissive, misogynistic bullshit coming a mile away before posting this report about a women’s sporting event, even though it involves a team representing the United States of America at the goddamn Olympics."
"After surging ahead thanks to first-period goals from Amanda Kessel, Kacey Bellamy, and—what, did seeing the names Amanda and Kacey already make you want to navigate away from this page? Because sources saw your dismissive, misogynistic bullshit coming a mile away before posting this report about a women’s sporting event, even though it involves a team representing the United States of America at the goddamn Olympics."
Labels: Olympics
08 March 2014
I Miss "Sleepy Hollow"!
Ichabod meets Abbie's sister for the first time:
"What's your name, tall-dark-and-British?"
"What's your name, tall-dark-and-British?"
Labels: Sleepy Hollow
Quote of the Day: Tumblr
Seen here:
tumblr #1: in Canada they don’t pronounce Z as "zee". they pronounce it as "zed" and that is crazy to me. it sounds like they made a typo when they invented it
tumblr #2: They do that everywhere in the world that’s not America. We do that here in the UK too. America is weird man.
tumbler: #3: i love it when america’s like lol canada amiright?? and the rest of the worlds like nah bro its literally only you that does it different
tumblr #1: in Canada they don’t pronounce Z as "zee". they pronounce it as "zed" and that is crazy to me. it sounds like they made a typo when they invented it
tumblr #2: They do that everywhere in the world that’s not America. We do that here in the UK too. America is weird man.
tumbler: #3: i love it when america’s like lol canada amiright?? and the rest of the worlds like nah bro its literally only you that does it different
Labels: grammar
07 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Chris Kluwe
From his twitter account, Chris Kluwe tweets about his adventures at the Pittsburgh airport:
I don't know what's happening at Pittsburgh International airport this morning, but there are security lines literally out the door.
This check in area is a clusterfuck of colossal proportions. So glad we keep letting shitty airlines merge together into even shittier ones.
Oh sweet, the airline computer system is down and TSA isn't letting them check people in manually. There's no chance I'm getting home.
Sigh. There's a group of Pittbros in front of me. They're currently talking about their collars and how much dip they packed.
Oooh, now they're talking about how their other friend sent them snapchat pictures of his most recent sexual conquest. And bathroom selfies!
This is better than early morning cartoons. I've never seen an actual caricature in the flesh before.
"I packed all these cutoffs, and was like, whoa."
"Yeah man, got these dope tanks. Dope. Tanks."
I'm trying to think of some way to snap a picture that doesn't involve duckface or looking creepy, but no ideas as of yet.
Might tell them I'm a talent caster for a reality TV show. That should probably work.
One of them is named Chad. Because of course he is.
Chad apparently has a neon green manpurse/backpack/something. I can only imagine it's holding all the dope tanks.
Asked the TSA people if I could go through the TSA Pre line with a full patdown, since my flight is literally leaving in 20 minutes. Nope!
THANKS FOR KEEPING ME SAFE ON THE FLIGHT I WON'T MAKE, TSA. CHAD SAYS THANKS, TOO.
Oh lord. Chad's friend is named Dylin. Because of course Chad's friend is named Dylin.
Well, I have three minutes to make it to D terminal. D terminal won't be far, right?
Also, for those wondering, Dylin is indeed spelled that way. He had a name tag.
Welp, I knew there was a reason I've been staying in shape. Just sprinted the length of Pittsburgh International in sandals.
MADE IT AS THEY WERE CLOSING THE DOORS. SUCK ON THAT, CHAD AND DYLIN.
Now I'm that sweating guy who's breathing heavily in the plane. Hi seatmate! Let's be friends!
Pretty sure half the people who were supposed to be on this flight are stuck in TSA hell. Lot of empty seats.
And my running was in vain. They're keeping us here waiting for people. With any luck, this means I'll miss my connecting flight!
I don't know what's happening at Pittsburgh International airport this morning, but there are security lines literally out the door.
This check in area is a clusterfuck of colossal proportions. So glad we keep letting shitty airlines merge together into even shittier ones.
Oh sweet, the airline computer system is down and TSA isn't letting them check people in manually. There's no chance I'm getting home.
Sigh. There's a group of Pittbros in front of me. They're currently talking about their collars and how much dip they packed.
Oooh, now they're talking about how their other friend sent them snapchat pictures of his most recent sexual conquest. And bathroom selfies!
This is better than early morning cartoons. I've never seen an actual caricature in the flesh before.
"I packed all these cutoffs, and was like, whoa."
"Yeah man, got these dope tanks. Dope. Tanks."
I'm trying to think of some way to snap a picture that doesn't involve duckface or looking creepy, but no ideas as of yet.
Might tell them I'm a talent caster for a reality TV show. That should probably work.
One of them is named Chad. Because of course he is.
Chad apparently has a neon green manpurse/backpack/something. I can only imagine it's holding all the dope tanks.
Asked the TSA people if I could go through the TSA Pre line with a full patdown, since my flight is literally leaving in 20 minutes. Nope!
THANKS FOR KEEPING ME SAFE ON THE FLIGHT I WON'T MAKE, TSA. CHAD SAYS THANKS, TOO.
Oh lord. Chad's friend is named Dylin. Because of course Chad's friend is named Dylin.
Well, I have three minutes to make it to D terminal. D terminal won't be far, right?
Also, for those wondering, Dylin is indeed spelled that way. He had a name tag.
Welp, I knew there was a reason I've been staying in shape. Just sprinted the length of Pittsburgh International in sandals.
MADE IT AS THEY WERE CLOSING THE DOORS. SUCK ON THAT, CHAD AND DYLIN.
Now I'm that sweating guy who's breathing heavily in the plane. Hi seatmate! Let's be friends!
Pretty sure half the people who were supposed to be on this flight are stuck in TSA hell. Lot of empty seats.
And my running was in vain. They're keeping us here waiting for people. With any luck, this means I'll miss my connecting flight!
Labels: travel
06 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Kevin Pelton
From his twitter, at the Pac-12 tournament:
"Listening to [USC coach] Cynthia Cooper during timeouts is exactly as entertaining as you would think it would be."
"Listening to [USC coach] Cynthia Cooper during timeouts is exactly as entertaining as you would think it would be."
Labels: college basketball
05 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Very Short Story
Seen here:
"Mark applied sunscreen to Laura trying to keep her from burning. The time would have been better spent putting out the fire on the boat."
"Mark applied sunscreen to Laura trying to keep her from burning. The time would have been better spent putting out the fire on the boat."
Labels: random weirdness
04 March 2014
Quote of the Day: The O.C.
From "The Game Plan" (3.08):
Seth: Okay, picture me in college: Big fish in a small pond? Or small fish in a big pond?
Ryan: Well, I don't know. I never really pictured you living in a pond.
Seth: Okay, picture me in college: Big fish in a small pond? Or small fish in a big pond?
Ryan: Well, I don't know. I never really pictured you living in a pond.
Labels: The O.C.
03 March 2014
Quote of the Day: Tom Hiddleston
From his twitter:
"Such a beautiful day in London this morning. After so much wind and snow: sunshine, at last. They say Aslan is on the move."
"Such a beautiful day in London this morning. After so much wind and snow: sunshine, at last. They say Aslan is on the move."
Labels: books, random awesomeness
02 March 2014
National Media Noticing Plum
ESPN-W has a very nice article about Washington freshman Kelsey Plum:
"She's never hit a freshman wall," [Coach] Neighbors said. "If she did, she plowed right through it."
"She's never hit a freshman wall," [Coach] Neighbors said. "If she did, she plowed right through it."
Labels: college basketball
Orphan Black Returns April 19th!
Quote of the Day: Game of Thrones
From "Walk of Punishment" (3.03):
[Tyrion has taken over the finances of the kingdom, and discovered that they are in debt. He's discussing the problem with his bodyguard, Bronn.]
Bronn: I've never borrowed money before; I'm not clear on the rules.
Tyrion: The basic principle is: I lend you money, and after a agreed upon period of time, you return it with interest.
Bronn: And what if I don't?
Tyrion: Well, you have to.
Bronn: But what if I don't?
Tyrion: [pause] This is why I don't lend you money.
[Tyrion has taken over the finances of the kingdom, and discovered that they are in debt. He's discussing the problem with his bodyguard, Bronn.]
Bronn: I've never borrowed money before; I'm not clear on the rules.
Tyrion: The basic principle is: I lend you money, and after a agreed upon period of time, you return it with interest.
Bronn: And what if I don't?
Tyrion: Well, you have to.
Bronn: But what if I don't?
Tyrion: [pause] This is why I don't lend you money.
Labels: Game of Thrones
01 March 2014
The Opening Scene of the Veronica Mars Movie!
Quote of the Day: John Altavilla & Svetlana Abrosimova
A twitter conversation between the UConn reporter and the former UConn star:
John Altavilla: Hello Svetlana how are you?
Svetlana Abrosimova: hello I'm great and you?
John Altavilla: In Cincinnati :O] UConn up by only 38
Svetlana Abrosimova: OMG. I bet Coach A will still find smth to complain about :)
John Altavilla: Hello Svetlana how are you?
Svetlana Abrosimova: hello I'm great and you?
John Altavilla: In Cincinnati :O] UConn up by only 38
Svetlana Abrosimova: OMG. I bet Coach A will still find smth to complain about :)
Labels: UConn basketball
