05 December 2014
Seinfeld
From Not-stalgia: Why I Don't Miss 'Seinfeld', by Linda Holmes:
I remember laughing occasionally at Seinfeld. I'm pretty sure there's tape of me somewhere, probably on a podcast, acknowledging that it's good. Because of peer pressure.
I don't like Seinfeld, I don't miss it, and every time I'm asked to participate in some sort of acknowledgment of its greatness, or its place in the pantheon, I feel myself cringe and lie and say I understand, but I am here to tell you, and then never to be so cowardly again: I don't understand.
This was brought back to me in full force when I saw the Super Bowl ad Sunday night with Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander, and I thought, almost involuntarily, "Not this again." When I mentioned this on Twitter, I thought that I would immediately be crushed under the weight of other people's nostalgia and hostility, but no! There are many of us! And we all feel alone! We all feel like we are the only ones!
I am here to tell you: There are many of us. It is a show that benefits from the kind of nostalgia that enforces itself through consensus, by assuming that We All Know how great it is and how important it is, and for plenty of people, that is a legitimate reflection of their joyful adoration with which I'd never quibble.
But there are many of us.
I remember laughing occasionally at Seinfeld. I'm pretty sure there's tape of me somewhere, probably on a podcast, acknowledging that it's good. Because of peer pressure.
I don't like Seinfeld, I don't miss it, and every time I'm asked to participate in some sort of acknowledgment of its greatness, or its place in the pantheon, I feel myself cringe and lie and say I understand, but I am here to tell you, and then never to be so cowardly again: I don't understand.
This was brought back to me in full force when I saw the Super Bowl ad Sunday night with Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander, and I thought, almost involuntarily, "Not this again." When I mentioned this on Twitter, I thought that I would immediately be crushed under the weight of other people's nostalgia and hostility, but no! There are many of us! And we all feel alone! We all feel like we are the only ones!
I am here to tell you: There are many of us. It is a show that benefits from the kind of nostalgia that enforces itself through consensus, by assuming that We All Know how great it is and how important it is, and for plenty of people, that is a legitimate reflection of their joyful adoration with which I'd never quibble.
But there are many of us.
Labels: Linda Holmes, TV
20 November 2014
Linda Holmes Speaks The Truth
06 November 2014
"The Luxury of Solitude"
From this essay by Linda Holmes:
We have a certain cultural mistrust of solitude, I think. It is for weirdos and lost souls, spinsters and misfits. But in truth, I can't tell you what a luxury I think it is to be entitled to it. Most of the time, I want good company, like most people do. But the experience of earned, voluntary aloneness is, among other things, instructive. I don't think you can really understand how accustomed you are to being scheduled and operating off an internal to-do list at almost all times until you think to yourself, "My goal will be to get to Providence by 4," and then you think, "Why is there a goal?"
And then it begins to make you internally rebellious: What if I drove with no goal? What if I had nowhere to be all day until it was time to sleep and I discussed with no one where to stop and take a picture, where to have lunch, what shop to go in, or which way to turn on the trail? What would I do if I could do anything — in this micro-environment, in this moment, at the point of this particular pause, what is my wish?
We have a certain cultural mistrust of solitude, I think. It is for weirdos and lost souls, spinsters and misfits. But in truth, I can't tell you what a luxury I think it is to be entitled to it. Most of the time, I want good company, like most people do. But the experience of earned, voluntary aloneness is, among other things, instructive. I don't think you can really understand how accustomed you are to being scheduled and operating off an internal to-do list at almost all times until you think to yourself, "My goal will be to get to Providence by 4," and then you think, "Why is there a goal?"
And then it begins to make you internally rebellious: What if I drove with no goal? What if I had nowhere to be all day until it was time to sleep and I discussed with no one where to stop and take a picture, where to have lunch, what shop to go in, or which way to turn on the trail? What would I do if I could do anything — in this micro-environment, in this moment, at the point of this particular pause, what is my wish?
Labels: Linda Holmes, travel
13 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
Two tweets from her twitter:
"Etiquette question: How long can somebody leave wet laundry done in the communal washer before you can move it?"
[a few minutes later...]
"Your laundry answers, [for what it's worth], basically range from 'two hours' to 'after 30 seconds, they're lucky you don't set their clothes on fire.'"
"Etiquette question: How long can somebody leave wet laundry done in the communal washer before you can move it?"
[a few minutes later...]
"Your laundry answers, [for what it's worth], basically range from 'two hours' to 'after 30 seconds, they're lucky you don't set their clothes on fire.'"
Labels: Linda Holmes
06 April 2014
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From her twitter:
"If you consider how many last-minute twists happen on Law And Order shows, they're really not very good detectives."
"If you consider how many last-minute twists happen on Law And Order shows, they're really not very good detectives."
Labels: Linda Holmes, TV
13 February 2014
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From her twitter. She lives in Washington, DC:
With all this weather we're having, I'm sure glad I'm getting out of town this weekend.*
*to Minnesota
With all this weather we're having, I'm sure glad I'm getting out of town this weekend.*
*to Minnesota
Labels: Linda Holmes, weather
13 January 2014
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From her post on last night's Golden Globes, The Golden Globes Share The Wealth, Such As It Is:
"Let us say this first: The Golden Globes are Hollywood culture at its most purely self-perpetuating. Given out by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, a small group of journalists so gleefully obscure that there is usually a joke about how gleefully obscure they are, the Globes lack the gravitas of the Oscars, which is really saying something, given the fact that the Oscars lack the gravitas of the Tonys and the Tonys lack the gravitas of a halfway decent episode of Law & Order: SVU."
"Let us say this first: The Golden Globes are Hollywood culture at its most purely self-perpetuating. Given out by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, a small group of journalists so gleefully obscure that there is usually a joke about how gleefully obscure they are, the Globes lack the gravitas of the Oscars, which is really saying something, given the fact that the Oscars lack the gravitas of the Tonys and the Tonys lack the gravitas of a halfway decent episode of Law & Order: SVU."
Labels: Linda Holmes, TV
08 November 2013
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
I couldn't choose just one, but they're all from A Complete Curmudgeon's Guide to "The Sound of Music":
"You only have 17 favorite things, and one of them is 'doorbells'?"
"Maria is apparently sent off to the von Trapp household in the early summer, 'until September.' At the time she leaves, she wants to be a nun. Before the end of the summer, she has decided she wants a military husband and seven children. Maria needs a gap year, or she's going to enter into a series of unsatisfying short careers."
"The 'Lonely Goatherd' puppet show is all about coerced mountain marriages, including coerced goat marriages, which send a bad message to children and anthropomorphized goats."
"You would start by teaching untrained children to sing in unison. There's nothing wrong with unison. Having them sing in seven-part harmony is overly ambitious and likely to create stress."
"If Gretl is really dozing off in the middle of performances, she probably needs to focus less on her singing career and more on going to bed early."
"Sure, the Captain perhaps overreacts to discovering the children playing, but ask yourself this: if you hired a nanny and later saw your children, under her supervision, hanging from trees over a road without so much as a safety rope, would you find that whimsical?"
"That's a very short time for children under 15 to all become accomplished puppeteers."
"Louisa's middle-child thing is not going to be helped by sharing a verse with her sister."
"'There's isn't going to be any Baroness.' That is cold. THERE WILL STILL BE A BARONESS."
"Everybody sings a song about what a flake Maria is. At her wedding. Etiquette fail."
"You only have 17 favorite things, and one of them is 'doorbells'?"
"Maria is apparently sent off to the von Trapp household in the early summer, 'until September.' At the time she leaves, she wants to be a nun. Before the end of the summer, she has decided she wants a military husband and seven children. Maria needs a gap year, or she's going to enter into a series of unsatisfying short careers."
"The 'Lonely Goatherd' puppet show is all about coerced mountain marriages, including coerced goat marriages, which send a bad message to children and anthropomorphized goats."
"You would start by teaching untrained children to sing in unison. There's nothing wrong with unison. Having them sing in seven-part harmony is overly ambitious and likely to create stress."
"If Gretl is really dozing off in the middle of performances, she probably needs to focus less on her singing career and more on going to bed early."
"Sure, the Captain perhaps overreacts to discovering the children playing, but ask yourself this: if you hired a nanny and later saw your children, under her supervision, hanging from trees over a road without so much as a safety rope, would you find that whimsical?"
"That's a very short time for children under 15 to all become accomplished puppeteers."
"Louisa's middle-child thing is not going to be helped by sharing a verse with her sister."
"'There's isn't going to be any Baroness.' That is cold. THERE WILL STILL BE A BARONESS."
"Everybody sings a song about what a flake Maria is. At her wedding. Etiquette fail."
Labels: Linda Holmes, movies
31 May 2012
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From a post on Monkey See back in 2009, in which Linda Holmes discusses upcoming movies:
"Terminator Salvation, which I used to think was Terminator: Salvation, but it turns out that it does not contain the colon, meaning that it is about the salvation of terminators or possibly salvation by terminators, as opposed to just being the next movie in the Terminator franchise and also named Salvation. (This may seem like a small point, until you realize that, for instance, Batman Returns would be a very different movie if it were called Batman: Returns, which would almost certainly make it about whether you can write off your cape as a business expense if you are self-employed as a late-night doer of good deeds.)"
"Terminator Salvation, which I used to think was Terminator: Salvation, but it turns out that it does not contain the colon, meaning that it is about the salvation of terminators or possibly salvation by terminators, as opposed to just being the next movie in the Terminator franchise and also named Salvation. (This may seem like a small point, until you realize that, for instance, Batman Returns would be a very different movie if it were called Batman: Returns, which would almost certainly make it about whether you can write off your cape as a business expense if you are self-employed as a late-night doer of good deeds.)"
Labels: grammar, Linda Holmes, movies
30 January 2012
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From her post at Monkey See entitled "The Agonizing SAG Red Carpet: Come Back, Ryan Seacrest! Never Leave Again!":
"For years, these [awards show red carpet] chats were done by Joan Rivers, who specialized in later saying mean things about what everyone was wearing. This last part, she still does on a separate show. But Rivers is out of the red-carpet game, and much of E!'s coverage is now anchored by Ryan Seacrest, the man whose official job in Hollywood is Host Of Most Things, and whose unofficial job is Doing Things That Seem Like Stupid Jobs Until You See Other People Trying To Do Them And Realize Hey, I'll Be Darned, That Ryan Seacrest Knows Something. Seacrest does the Golden Globes, he does the Oscars, he does the Emmys ... essentially, he handles your high-end red-carpet events, such as they are. (Hey, everything has a high end. Even a very short fencepost.)"
"For years, these [awards show red carpet] chats were done by Joan Rivers, who specialized in later saying mean things about what everyone was wearing. This last part, she still does on a separate show. But Rivers is out of the red-carpet game, and much of E!'s coverage is now anchored by Ryan Seacrest, the man whose official job in Hollywood is Host Of Most Things, and whose unofficial job is Doing Things That Seem Like Stupid Jobs Until You See Other People Trying To Do Them And Realize Hey, I'll Be Darned, That Ryan Seacrest Knows Something. Seacrest does the Golden Globes, he does the Oscars, he does the Emmys ... essentially, he handles your high-end red-carpet events, such as they are. (Hey, everything has a high end. Even a very short fencepost.)"
Labels: Linda Holmes
22 August 2011
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From this post about the after-the-credits "tags" in movies:
The purpose of [Rise of the Planet of the Apes] is to tell the story of how (1) apes got really smart, and (2) humans got wiped out. Those are its two table-setting stories. The first story makes up, oh, 98 percent of the movie.
[...]
And then at the end of the movie you get, in effect: "P.S. Also humanity is wiped out by a superbug."
There are certainly hints of trouble for humanity before this point, but maybe two minutes of screen time is spent on them, and as of the first appearance of the credits, I turned to my friend and said, "So the sick guy was in the movie for no reason whatsoever." And then after a few names had rolled by, the film returned with a sequence — a short scene, and then an animation — in which humanity was wiped out.
Let me repeat that. Humanity was wiped out after the credits. Humanity was wiped out in the tag. The end of humankind was considered the equivalent of a blooper reel. And while the end of humankind would certainly be a blooper, this seems like rather a lot to pack into a post-credits sequence that might be missed by people who, for instance, stop a DVD when the credits roll. I don't have problems with people who leave immediately missing a bonus sequence. I do have problems with them missing the apocalypse.
The purpose of [Rise of the Planet of the Apes] is to tell the story of how (1) apes got really smart, and (2) humans got wiped out. Those are its two table-setting stories. The first story makes up, oh, 98 percent of the movie.
[...]
And then at the end of the movie you get, in effect: "P.S. Also humanity is wiped out by a superbug."
There are certainly hints of trouble for humanity before this point, but maybe two minutes of screen time is spent on them, and as of the first appearance of the credits, I turned to my friend and said, "So the sick guy was in the movie for no reason whatsoever." And then after a few names had rolled by, the film returned with a sequence — a short scene, and then an animation — in which humanity was wiped out.
Let me repeat that. Humanity was wiped out after the credits. Humanity was wiped out in the tag. The end of humankind was considered the equivalent of a blooper reel. And while the end of humankind would certainly be a blooper, this seems like rather a lot to pack into a post-credits sequence that might be missed by people who, for instance, stop a DVD when the credits roll. I don't have problems with people who leave immediately missing a bonus sequence. I do have problems with them missing the apocalypse.
Labels: Linda Holmes, movies
13 June 2011
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
Since the Seattle/Minnesota game was so bad (for us Seattle fans, anyway -- I'm sure Minnesota fans thought it was great!), one of the biggest cheers of the night came when the announcer told us that Dallas had beaten Miami in Game 5 of the NBA Finals.
In that spirit, here's Linda Holmes writing an introduction for "A Short Photo Essay About LeBron James For People Who Don't Like LeBron James":
"For those who followed the hullabaloo when James left the Cleveland Cavaliers to play for the Heat — which is, in and of itself, something he had every right in the world to do — he's wound up carrying more than his fair share of criticism.
And yet.
Aaaaaaand yet, for everyone who has seen a beloved local star move on, there is something viscerally satisfying about a hugely publicized move by a very big ego not resulting in a championship. It's not necessarily right. It just is. And what you need to do is flush it out of your system efficiently so you can go back to caring about sports in the same not especially rational way you normally do: by hating the Yankees."
In that spirit, here's Linda Holmes writing an introduction for "A Short Photo Essay About LeBron James For People Who Don't Like LeBron James":
"For those who followed the hullabaloo when James left the Cleveland Cavaliers to play for the Heat — which is, in and of itself, something he had every right in the world to do — he's wound up carrying more than his fair share of criticism.
And yet.
Aaaaaaand yet, for everyone who has seen a beloved local star move on, there is something viscerally satisfying about a hugely publicized move by a very big ego not resulting in a championship. It's not necessarily right. It just is. And what you need to do is flush it out of your system efficiently so you can go back to caring about sports in the same not especially rational way you normally do: by hating the Yankees."
Labels: Linda Holmes, Seattle Storm, sports
01 June 2011
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From her "review" (based on the commercial) of a new law show called "Franklin and Bash":
You know, the first time I ever appeared in court, I had prepared and prepared and prepared, but the judge was so mad at the other lawyer by the time I stood up — and had made it so clear that I was already going to win — that he leaned over the bench, looked down at me, and said menacingly, "Did you have anything you wanted to add?" I argued — with eloquence that defied my lack of experience, I think — thusly: "No."
You know, the first time I ever appeared in court, I had prepared and prepared and prepared, but the judge was so mad at the other lawyer by the time I stood up — and had made it so clear that I was already going to win — that he leaned over the bench, looked down at me, and said menacingly, "Did you have anything you wanted to add?" I argued — with eloquence that defied my lack of experience, I think — thusly: "No."
Labels: Linda Holmes, TV
30 March 2011
Non-Quote of the Day
I wanted to use something from this article for my quote of the day, but then I just would have used the whole thing.
So just go read it! Linda Holmes writes Dear Wonder Woman: YOU Will Get Arrested If You Fight Crime In That Top.
So just go read it! Linda Holmes writes Dear Wonder Woman: YOU Will Get Arrested If You Fight Crime In That Top.
Labels: Linda Holmes
16 March 2011
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From this post:
It's a little nerve-racking to hear the word "Pixar" close to the words "direct to DVD," but "Movieline hears" that there may be a direct-to-DVD sequel to Cars, called Planes. This could be the beginning of kind of quite a franchise. Dirigibles! Carriages! Trolleys! Monorails!
It's a little nerve-racking to hear the word "Pixar" close to the words "direct to DVD," but "Movieline hears" that there may be a direct-to-DVD sequel to Cars, called Planes. This could be the beginning of kind of quite a franchise. Dirigibles! Carriages! Trolleys! Monorails!
Labels: Linda Holmes
30 June 2010
Quote of the Day: Linda Holmes
From her Monkey See post "Five More Fictional Beings Bella Swan Should Fall Madly In Love With":
I have always said that it seems like an impressive coincidence that Bella Swan — of Twilight fame — had one boyfriend who was a vampire, and then found another one who was a werewolf.
In the same town. I mean, what are the odds? There are towns in the United States where running into both a Unitarian and a Presbyterian at T.G.I.Friday's would make you think, "Hey, this place is quite a bit more diverse than I thought!" But Bella found a vampire and a werewolf. In a row. In high school.
I have always said that it seems like an impressive coincidence that Bella Swan — of Twilight fame — had one boyfriend who was a vampire, and then found another one who was a werewolf.
In the same town. I mean, what are the odds? There are towns in the United States where running into both a Unitarian and a Presbyterian at T.G.I.Friday's would make you think, "Hey, this place is quite a bit more diverse than I thought!" But Bella found a vampire and a werewolf. In a row. In high school.
Labels: Linda Holmes, Twilight
13 May 2010
Newsweek Brouhaha
There's this big brouhaha going on because Newsweek published a piece claiming that gay actors can't convincingly play straight actors.
Lots of people have had much to say on the subject, but I really like Linda Holmes' logical approach to the issue.
My favorite bit, in response to the Newsweek writer claiming that Jonathan Groff on Glee was using scowling as a "substitute" for being straight:
"Do gay men not scowl? If repeated scowling is a problem here because it means he's trying to appear straight, then what accounts for the repeated scowling on almost every other overwrought drama on television? I think under this definition, everyone on Law & Order must be trying to appear straight. There is also a lot of scowling on Lost, come to think of it. I've never thought of it as sexuality-related. Should I?"
Lots of people have had much to say on the subject, but I really like Linda Holmes' logical approach to the issue.
My favorite bit, in response to the Newsweek writer claiming that Jonathan Groff on Glee was using scowling as a "substitute" for being straight:
"Do gay men not scowl? If repeated scowling is a problem here because it means he's trying to appear straight, then what accounts for the repeated scowling on almost every other overwrought drama on television? I think under this definition, everyone on Law & Order must be trying to appear straight. There is also a lot of scowling on Lost, come to think of it. I've never thought of it as sexuality-related. Should I?"
Labels: GLBT, Linda Holmes
09 October 2009
Quote of the Week
I didn't really care for Southland, so I wasn't too bothered by its cancellation. Linda Holmes at Monkey See, however, makes some good points about the idiocy of NBC regarding its cancellation. (In summary: NBC promised to air it, regardless of the Leno-required move to 9 pm, then decided the show was to gritty for the 9 pm time slot -- without ever airing any episodes!)
Anyway, this led to a comparison of NBC and NBC-owned USA:
"What makes this story particularly frustrating is that in spite of what you read about costs and splintering audiences and a future made up of nothing but variety shows, there are indications that there are ways to make money with scripted shows. A Newsweek profile in July of this year discussed the remarkable successes of the USA network under the guidance of Bonnie Hammer, who helped turn USA into a major moneymaker. What's her strategy?
Good scripted shows, for one thing. Burn Notice, Monk, Psych, the new Royal Pains, and others. From that profile: 'Of all NBCU's properties, including the namesake broadcaster NBC and its Universal studio, USA has become the biggest earner, delivering roughly $1 billion in profits last year.' Hammer is not a snob -- she has embraced USA's relationship with professional wrestling. But her big strategy is good shows people like, and she's making money. NBC Universal owns this network -- how is its broadcast network making worse shows than, and making less money than, one of its cable properties? They're all in Rockefeller Center -- they're in the building. Go ask them how they're doing it."
Anyway, this led to a comparison of NBC and NBC-owned USA:
"What makes this story particularly frustrating is that in spite of what you read about costs and splintering audiences and a future made up of nothing but variety shows, there are indications that there are ways to make money with scripted shows. A Newsweek profile in July of this year discussed the remarkable successes of the USA network under the guidance of Bonnie Hammer, who helped turn USA into a major moneymaker. What's her strategy?
Good scripted shows, for one thing. Burn Notice, Monk, Psych, the new Royal Pains, and others. From that profile: 'Of all NBCU's properties, including the namesake broadcaster NBC and its Universal studio, USA has become the biggest earner, delivering roughly $1 billion in profits last year.' Hammer is not a snob -- she has embraced USA's relationship with professional wrestling. But her big strategy is good shows people like, and she's making money. NBC Universal owns this network -- how is its broadcast network making worse shows than, and making less money than, one of its cable properties? They're all in Rockefeller Center -- they're in the building. Go ask them how they're doing it."
Labels: Linda Holmes, TV
10 July 2009
Quote of the Week
Linda Holmes -- she writes what I think, but much more cleverly.
"Cougar Town, starring Courteney Cox as a divorced single mom learning all about dating. Now...I try very hard not to decide things are not going to be good before I even watch them, because it's certainly possible to defy a bad premise and be a reasonably funny show. But...I honestly feel like, on instinct, I would rather watch the entire run of Wings on DVD five or six times than watch a single episode of Courteney Cox in a show called Cougar Town. Seriously, Cougar Town. What town is it? Cougar Town! Where are we stranded? Cougar Town! Where do we exile sitcom actresses who accidentally turn 40? Cougar Town! I can honestly say it's the first time I've ever been utterly filled with despair by the title of a sitcom."
"Cougar Town, starring Courteney Cox as a divorced single mom learning all about dating. Now...I try very hard not to decide things are not going to be good before I even watch them, because it's certainly possible to defy a bad premise and be a reasonably funny show. But...I honestly feel like, on instinct, I would rather watch the entire run of Wings on DVD five or six times than watch a single episode of Courteney Cox in a show called Cougar Town. Seriously, Cougar Town. What town is it? Cougar Town! Where are we stranded? Cougar Town! Where do we exile sitcom actresses who accidentally turn 40? Cougar Town! I can honestly say it's the first time I've ever been utterly filled with despair by the title of a sitcom."
Labels: Linda Holmes
15 April 2009
Quote of the Week
From Linda Holmes at Monkey See:
MGM is finalizing plans for its Three Stooges movie, which will be directed by the Farrelly brothers (There's Something About Mary, Dumb And Dumber). And who's going to be in it? Jim Carrey, Sean Penn, and Benicio Del Toro. My guess is that you are now thinking either, "I will be the first person in line," or "I would not see that movie if the theater showing it were the last available refuge from rampaging Visigoths."
MGM is finalizing plans for its Three Stooges movie, which will be directed by the Farrelly brothers (There's Something About Mary, Dumb And Dumber). And who's going to be in it? Jim Carrey, Sean Penn, and Benicio Del Toro. My guess is that you are now thinking either, "I will be the first person in line," or "I would not see that movie if the theater showing it were the last available refuge from rampaging Visigoths."
Labels: Linda Holmes
