Catching Ducks

Seen here:


Europeans: I drove forty minutes to the Netherlands for some groceries and then I popped into Germany to see some of my relatives before driving back home.

Americans: I was in Florida, I drove for nine hours, now I'm still in Florida.

Australians: I drove for nine hours, now I'm nine hours away from home, no one is here, the streets are empty, how did this happen, where has civilisation gone, I am alone in the universe, oh wait no there's an echidna it's okay

Labels: random weirdness

Labels: Orphan Black

From "Revelation" (season 8):


Sarge: There they are! Land right next to them.

Grif: Right. Land?

Sarge: You do know how to land this vehicle, don't you?

Grif: Sure. That just means stop flying, right?

Labels: Red vs. Blue

Seen here:


TO: All Staff
RE: Internet at NPR
DATE: April 28, 1994

Internet is coming to NPR! To some, this will be long awaited, good news; to others, it won't mean much. If you want to find out what the Internet is, how and when NPR is going to use it, join us for a presentation and discussion, on Friday, April 29, at noon in the Board Room. If you can't make the seminar, here's the gist of the presentation.

Internet is a collection of computer networks that is connected around the world. It began as a communications link between defense and scientific research institutions, but today is the fastest growing "organization," such that any statistic on the numbers of connected computers and users is obsolete before the numbers are uttered. The term "organization" is used loosely to refer to the Internet, because only the links among computers and users are managed, which is simply for self-preservation/replication. A code of "netiquette" exists among users and within user groups, but otherwise, you pay your money, find your niche and take your chances.

A number of services exist to permit communication among users, to navigate around the various computers on the "net", and to access and use the enormous amounts of available data. The most powerful, EMAIL, is very similar to our own VAXmail, except the addressing scheme is more complex, i.e., person@computer.organization.country. EMAIL services include both public and private mail, news groups and discussion groups. TELNET allows a user to travel to other computers to access data. Friendly software, like GOPHER, VERONICA, WORLD WIDE WEB, MOSAIC and CELLO provide easy access to the data on those other computers.

To ease ourselves onto the Internet securely, NPR has isolated a computer that will serve our communications needs, and we have built a firewall between it and the rest of the NPR computer network. We will offer EMAIL ONLY, at first. Internet EMAIL will provide us the biggest bang for the least impact on the hardware, software and staff support. To get access to EMAIL, an employee must complete a separate Internet Account Application Form (available from CIS) and attend a one hour training session (to be offered at least once a day)

Labels: computers, history

As quoted by Jayda Evans:


Ruef, a 6-foot-3 forward, was surprised to be drafted. She agreed to play in a coed basketball league because she expected to have a free summer, possibly signing a contract to play overseas in the fall. But Ruef’s summer plan changed while going through a final prep for the rec-league game.

“I was sitting there ready to start the game and all of a sudden my phone started going off like crazy,” Ruef said. She then watched the clip of herself being drafted by Seattle. “I was like, ‘No way!’ The (opposing rec) team was all intimated. We won by like 20 points; it was a good game."

Labels: Seattle Storm

Seen here:


[A former telemarketer get a phone call a month after they quit their job. The caller was trying to sell the same things they sold at their old job.]

Telemarketer: “Hi, this is [name] from [company]. Is [my name] available?”

Me: “Speaking.”

Telemarketer: “Awesome! We at [company] are currently going through our old loyal customers and since you have been such a great...”

[At this point the former telemarketer recognizes the pitch, as it was the exact same one they had been taught to use at their old work place.]

Me: *joining in* “...customer for us, we are glad to let you know that we are donating you six months’ worth of a magazine of your choice...”

[They continue talking at the same rhythm with him, repeating the old sales pitch from word to word. Surprised, he starts slowing down, until his words fade away and they finish the pitch alone.]

Me: “Yes, can you imagine getting six months of a magazine of your choice for free? The only thing you’ll need to worry about is the postage. So, for merely 20€ a month, you can get [lists various magazines] and receive a gift that is worth over 60€. What do you think? Shall we mail the first magazine this week?”

Telemarketer: “Uh...”

Me: “Yeah, sorry dude, not biting. Been there, done that.”

Labels: Not Always...

From "Reconstruction" (season 6):


Washington: All right, I need suggestions. The Freelancer Command Facility is an underground complex of secured bunkers and fortified chambers. Let's put our heads together and see if we can figure out a way to get in there.

Grif: I have an idea.

Washington: And "let's not do it" is not an acceptable plan.

Grif: Oh. Well you probably should have said that before you asked for suggestions.

Labels: Red vs. Blue

From previously.tv:

Labels: Firefly, music

From "Malled" (1.05):


[The class is on a field trip to a giant mall, and the teacher is struggling to navigate the map.]

Mrs. Bennett: We'll walk down R-mauve, and turn right at Q-canary. Please keep the flow, people, please keep the flow. Left at N-cranberry. Wait, is that cranberry or magenta? Jane, you're an artist...

Jane: It's cran-apple.

Labels: Daria

From his twitter:


"So, I guess what I'm really trying to say here, is... I. HATE. SAUERKRAUT. #albuquerque"

Labels: music, random awesomeness

From "History Week" (episode 7):


"The results of a recent survey of Night Vale residents came to light this week. The study found widespread dissatisfaction with our town's public library. And when considering the facts, it's easy to see why. The public computers for internet use are out-dated and slow. The lending period of fourteen days is not nearly long enough to read lengthier books, given the busy schedules of all our lives. The fatality rate is also well above the national average for public libraries. The library blood stone circle does not appear to have seen any maintenance or cleaning in some time. There are reports of a faceless specter moving about the biography section, picking off lone browsers one by one. And that biography section, by the way, is far too small and has been oddly curated: containing thirty-three copies of the official biography of Helen Hunt and no other books. From top to bottom, the public library is a disgrace to our fair city and I can only hope our city council does something about that soon. Or I may find myself hoping that the faceless specter puts the library to the same mysterious violent end as its many victims."

Labels: Welcome to Night Vale

I have a playlist on my iPod that has songs with the days of the weeks in their titles. Here are the days in of the week in order of popularity by songwriters:


#1: Sunday (12)
#2: Monday (8)
#3 (tie): Tuesday (2), Wednesday (2), Friday (2), Saturday (2)
#7: Thursday (0)


What do they have against Thursdays? Shouldn't the day before Friday garner at least a little artistic love? Poor Thursday.


For the curious...

Sunday: Sunday Morning (No Doubt), Sunday Morning (Maroon 5), Sunday Morning (Ani DiFranco), Sunday morning (K-OS), Sunday Morning Coming Down (Johnny Cash), Pleasant Valley Sunday (The Monkees), Don't Tell Me on a Sunday (Michael Ball), Sunday Will Never Be the Same (Spanky & Our Gang), Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon (Queen), Gloomy Sunday (Sarah McLachlan), Sunday (Tift Merritt), Sunday Bloody Sunday (U2)

Monday: Come Monday (Jimmy Buffett), Monday Morning (Fleetwood Mac), Rainy Days and Mondays (The Carpenters), Manic Monday (The Bangles), Except for Monday (Lorrie Morgan), Monday Monday (The Mamas & the Papas), Monday Monday Monday (Tegan & Sara), I Don't Like Mondays (Tori Amos)

Tuesday: Ruby Tuesday (The Rolling Stones), Tuesday Afternoon (The Moody Blues)

Wednesday: Waiting for Wednesday (Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories), Wednesday (Tori Amos)

Friday: Friday (Daniel Bedingfield), Friday Night (Lily Allen)

Saturday: Saturdays (Nelly Furtado), Saturday (Basshunter)

Labels: music

From their recap of the season premiere of season 2 of Orphan Black:


"I've heard interviews with the cast where they've said, 'Season 2 is like season 1 on crack.' No. Season 1 was like season 1 on crack. A guy had a tail. A tail. We passed 'on crack' a long time ago, which means I can't wait to see what kind of new drug cocktail season 2 is on."

Labels: Orphan Black

Seen here:


once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes

Labels: random weirdness

Seen here:


[A big chain retail store with a grocery section has a power outage that lasts several hours. There’s a generator that keeps lights, necessary systems, and two registers going, but it’s not strong enough to power the refrigerated/frozen section. They block off those aisles and announce over the PA that they will not be able to sell any cold foods. A clerk see a customer ducking the cordon and opening a refrigerator door.]

Clerk: “Excuse me, ma’am? Because of the power outage, these aisles are closed. We can’t guarantee the cold food is safe to eat anymore.”

Customer: “Yeah, I heard, but I just need some eggs.”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, but we can’t sell those. There’s a [Grocery Store] across the street if you need.”

Customer: “Why would I go there? I’ve already got these. Hey, what the h***? These eggs are all warm!”

Clerk: “Yes, ma’am, because of the power outage. The refrigerators haven’t been working, so all the cold food has thawed. We can’t sell it.”

[The customer drops the egg carton on the floor.]

Customer: “Then why the h*** are they still on the shelf? What kind of sick store would try to sell bad food to people?”

Clerk: "...that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, ma’am. We CAN’T sell it. That’s why these aisles are blocked with the ropes and signs saying ‘Do Not Enter.’”

Customer: “That’s it. I’ve had enough of your stupid policies! I’m taking my business to [grocery store across the street]!”

Labels: Not Always...

I'm very excited -- can you tell???

Labels: Orphan Black

A recap of Orphan Black:


“Previously on Orphan Black: Tatiana Maslany threw herself in front of a train in front of Tatiana Maslany, and then Tatiana Maslany stole Tatiana Maslany’s identity and pretended to be Tatiana Maslany. And then Tatiana Maslany got shot in the head in front of Tatiana Maslany, and Tatiana Maslany got rid of Tatiana Maslany’s body. And then Tatiana Maslany met two other Tatiana Maslanys and one of those Tatiana Maslanys pretended to be Tatiana Maslany. And then Tatiana Maslany figured out that Tatiana Maslany was trying to kill all of the other Tatiana Maslanys, and Tatiana Maslany, pretending to be Tatiana Maslany, went after Tatiana Maslany and stabbed Tatiana Maslany with a metal rod. And then Tatiana Maslany ate jello with Tatiana Maslany. And one time Tatiana Maslany got drunk and Tatiana Maslany pretended to be Tatiana Maslany and yelled at Tatiana Maslany’s husband. Then Tatiana Maslany convinced Tatiana Maslany not to shoot Tatiana Maslany, and then later Tatiana Maslany hugged Tatiana Maslany and Tatiana Maslany poured Tatiana Maslany a glass of wine. And then Tatiana Maslany shot Tatiana Maslany. And then Tatiana Maslany told Tatiana Maslany that all of the Tatiana Maslanys were property. and THAT’S what you missed on Orphan Black.”

Labels: Orphan Black

"do dah do dah do"

Labels: The Kids in the Hall

Seen here:


"When we last left the insane sci-fi universe of Orphan Black, a dangerous, brand new 'ProClone' named Rachel Duncan (Tatiana Maslany) arrived on the scene to make life miserable for Sarah Manning (Tatiana Maslany), Alison Hendrix (Tatiana Maslany), and Cosima Niehaus (Tatiana Maslany)."

Labels: Orphan Black

Seen here:


Insurance Agent: “Hi, this is [name]from [insurance company]. I’m calling because your policy cancelled for non-payment of premium.”

Client: “Again?! This happens every month! It’s not my fault though. Can you tell them it’s not my fault?”

Insurance Agent: “I’m sorry?”

Client: “See, each time my payment has been due, I’ve been in jail. My probation officer is an a**. Every time I do something illegal he throws me in jail. Every single time!”

Insurance Agent: “I can set you up on automatic withdrawal from your bank just in case.”

Client: “No, I rarely have money. How can I avoid this happening again in the future?”

Insurance Agent: “Pay your bill on time?”

Client: “But, what about the jail thing?”

Insurance Agent: “Um... stop breaking the law?”

Labels: Not Always...

From a new SI interview:


SI.com: Your program is on the line. Which UConn player takes the shot if you need a three-pointer to win?

Auriemma: Probably the one that made the most in her career when she was here -- Diana Taurasi.

SI.com: Same question, but its now a 15-footer to win?

Auriemma: Sue Bird.

SI.com: Same question but the game is now tied and you need a free throw?

Auriemma: I'd probably go Maya Moore.

SI.com: Same question but now you are up by one and the other team is coming down the court. Who defends for you against their best player?

Auriemma: If we had to stop that guy from scoring, it probably would be Kelly Faris. If we wanted someone to steal the ball before it got there, it would probably be Nykesha Sales.

Labels: UConn basketball

Per Jayda Evans:


"Storm Brian Agler intended draft Natalie Achonwa. Natasha Howard to Indy put Wash-Sea trade in play. Mike Thibault wanted Hartley"

Labels: Seattle Storm

Bah, worrying over the draft/2014 season is making me grumpy. Let's have a mood break:

Labels: music, Seattle Storm

The WNBA draft was today. When Stefanie Dolson didn't get picked by the first five teams, I had a slim hope that the Storm would be able to draft her. But then the Washington Mystics grabbed her at #6, right before our pick.

With the 7th pick, the Storm took UConn guard Bria Hartley. My first thought was... don't we need a post? But then I thought... yay! A UConn player!

I turned on my computer at that point and discovered that the Storm had traded Hartley and last year's first round pick Tianna Hawkins to Washington in return for Crystal Langhorne.

My thoughts are.... confused.

On the one hand, we definitely need a post, and Langhorne is a very good player.

But on the other hand, she's 27. Not super old, but not young, either. We gave up two young players for one not-so-young player. At some point, don't we need to start preparing for the future? And we don't want to tank this year, because next year's draft is dreadful. (Outside of Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis, of course.)

And Langhorne, while a great player, isn't very tall. 6'2", I believe. We will be a VERY short team next year.

In the later rounds, the Storm went all Pac-12 and picked up Michelle Plouffe from Utah and Mikaela Ruef from Stanford. I can't imagine Ruef making the team, but Plouffe is intriguing. She's got a little more height (6'4"), and I remember her causing endless trouble for Washington over the last two years.

By the way, the Langhorne trade was not the biggest trade news of the day. Connecticut (which had the #1 pick), traded Tina Charles to New York in exchange for their #4 pick and center Kelsey Bone. Rumor is that Tina Charles wanted out, and told the Sun she would sit this year if they didn't trade her. She was MVP in 2012, so that's a pretty big loss for them. But they picked up Chiney Ogwumike and Alyssa Thomas, so I'm sure they'll be fine.

Connecticut and Washington are young teams. I can seem them battling for the eastern conference in a couple years.

Labels: Seattle Storm, UConn basketball, WNBA

Seen here:


tumblr #1: in movies when kids sneak out through their windows and im just like why dont you have screens in your windows who doesnt have screens in their windows what do you just let bees and bugs and birds and shit fly into your room what the fuck

tumblr #2: #literally just had to google that#apparently screens are widely used in Australia USA and Canada#in Europe we deal with stuff that comes through the window like a man(x)

tumblr #3: this is why you guys had the black plague.

Labels: random weirdness

Two tweets from her twitter:


"Etiquette question: How long can somebody leave wet laundry done in the communal washer before you can move it?"

[a few minutes later...]

"Your laundry answers, [for what it's worth], basically range from 'two hours' to 'after 30 seconds, they're lucky you don't set their clothes on fire.'"

Labels: Linda Holmes

From "Instinct" (1.02):


[Sarah has just met her clone, Alison, and Alison's not happy that Sarah has shown up.]

Alison: [brandishing a gun] Be quiet, my kids are sleeping.

Sarah: You're going to shoot me while your kids are sleeping?

Alison: You wake them or show your face, yes, I will shoot you.

Sarah: Well, I've never known a blood relation, but being your twin certainly sucks.

Labels: Orphan Black

A worker is using their employee discount to buy something from the store he works at:


Manager: “Alright kiddo, that’ll be $5.59.”

[The worker pays for his item. The next customer in line happens to be purchasing the same item.]

Manager: “That’ll be $22.39, please.”

Customer: “What!? That guy only paid five bucks for his! Why do I have to pay over $20?”

Manager: “Sir, he works here. He gets an employee discount.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying this price! I want to pay what he paid! This is a complete rip-off!”

Manager: “Alright, when can you start?”

Customer: “What?”

Manager: “The discount is for employees only. When can you start? I think I can arrange an interview for you next week.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would I want to work here? I already have a well-paying job! I don’t want to deal with any stupid customers!”

Manager: “And that’s why he gets a discount, and you don’t!”

Labels: Not Always...

Seen here:


tumblr #1: The Great Unanswered Question: What the hell happens to every country on the planet that isn’t the US in YA dystopias

tumblr #2: maybe all ya dystopian futures are just highly localised and every other country is busy doing their thing.
"do you think the US will be attending the olympics this year?"
"I don’t know; I think they still have that hell-portal open"
"I’ll put them down as a maybe"

Labels: books, random awesomeness

Probably my favorite play, Breanna Stewart's tip-in is almost like a volleyball set.

Speaking of Stewart, here's her post-game interview.

A summary of the year from John Altavilla: “What I will remember about him is his straight-forwardness and his sarcasm,” Stefanie Dolson said. “I remember how he once stopped practice when I was a freshman. I had just grabbed a rebound. He took out a piece of paper and put it on the court. And then he said, you just jumped over that to get the rebound.”

The Washington Post asks: "When not even previously unbeaten No.2 Notre Dame could stay within 20 in the national championship game, you were left with a sense of admiring exasperation: Why can’t the rest of the women’s game be this good?"

Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis had a tough year, but ended on a high note.

Labels: UConn basketball

From today's Retail comic strip:


clerk: Is there anything I can help you find?

customer: [annoyed] You're the third person to ask me that in the last ten minutes! Can't a teenager browse without being treated like a shoplifter?! Why you gotta keep asking me if I need help?!

clerk: Because we closed 20 minutes ago.

customer: Oh....

Labels: comics

Yay! Iris made a great dinner tonight.

Boo! It was so good, Ped & ate it all, so there weren't any leftovers to take home.

Yay! UConn won the championship.

Boo! My DVR decided not to record anything today.

Yay! ESPNU is replaying the game at midnight.

Labels: food, UConn basketball

From their preview of the UConn/Notre Dame game, they went through the different match-ups (front court, back court, coaching, etc) and compared which team had the edge:


Bench

Advantage: Notre Dame. Given that Connecticut doesn't have one, this was an easy choice. Notre Dame gets the nod with Madison Cable, Michaela Mabrey and Markisha Wright. The difficulty here is that Auriemma has made this a moot point the past two seasons, finding a way to dominate with no depth.

Labels: UConn basketball

From her twitter:


"If you consider how many last-minute twists happen on Law And Order shows, they're really not very good detectives."

Labels: Linda Holmes, TV

From "grey":


the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey

and I feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way

I smoke and I drink
and every time I blink
I have a tiny dream

but as bad as I am
I'm proud of the fact
that I'm worse than I seem

Labels: ani difranco

Seen here:


"George R.R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar and everyone you've ever loved dies."

Labels: TV

Labels: music

From episode #17, "Valentine":


"Emergency workers report that they have reached Old Town Night Vale, and further report that it is a scene out of a nightmare. Assuming you have had the usual nightmare in which Old Town received minor structural damage and debris, with no serious injuries."

Labels: Welcome to Night Vale

From "#MotorcycleMystery" (1.12):


Cat: Knock, knock.

Sam: Who's there?

Cat: No, I'm not making a knock-knock joke.

Sam: No-I'm-not-making-a-knock-knock-joke who?

Labels: Sam & Cat

This is awesome!

Labels: Sports Night

From twitter:


"Refer a friend to existential despair and get a free extra year of life that doesn't matter."

Labels: Welcome to Night Vale