12 January 2014
Quote of the Day: The O.C.
From "The Mallpisode" (2.15):
[Ryan has recently broken up with his girlfriend, Lindsay. Seth is trying to cheer him up during breakfast.]
Ryan: This thing with Lindsay is... different.
Seth: Different how?
Ryan: Different as in not fixed by pancakes. And don't ask me how I feel about waffles.
Seth: Got it.
Of course, that scene always reminds me of this:
[Ah, so you're a waffle man!]
[Ryan has recently broken up with his girlfriend, Lindsay. Seth is trying to cheer him up during breakfast.]
Ryan: This thing with Lindsay is... different.
Seth: Different how?
Ryan: Different as in not fixed by pancakes. And don't ask me how I feel about waffles.
Seth: Got it.
Of course, that scene always reminds me of this:
[Ah, so you're a waffle man!]
27 March 2013
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Camille" (4.1):
Camille: Please, I can't meet your shipmates. Trust me.
Kryten: But you don't know them! You'll like them! [pause] Well, some of them. [pause] Well, one of them. [pause] Maybe.
Camille: Please, I can't meet your shipmates. Trust me.
Kryten: But you don't know them! You'll like them! [pause] Well, some of them. [pause] Well, one of them. [pause] Maybe.
Labels: Red Dwarf
16 November 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Better Than Life" (2.2):
[Rimmer cooked dinner. The rest of the crew was not impressed.]
Lister: Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings, when they are properly cooked to perfection, proper dumplings should not bounce!
Rimmer: True, but after the way I thought they were going to turn out, they were quite superb!
Lister: So how's the Cat?
Rimmer: Oh, he's just sleeping off the stomach pump. He'll be alright. The lamb was a bit of a flop though.
Lister: The lamb!? Everyone thought the lamb was the cheese! And that lemon meringue pie, man, what was in that?
Rimmer: I thought you liked that? You bought some back.
Lister: Yeah... I wanted to try some out on my athlete's foot!
[Rimmer cooked dinner. The rest of the crew was not impressed.]
Lister: Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings, when they are properly cooked to perfection, proper dumplings should not bounce!
Rimmer: True, but after the way I thought they were going to turn out, they were quite superb!
Lister: So how's the Cat?
Rimmer: Oh, he's just sleeping off the stomach pump. He'll be alright. The lamb was a bit of a flop though.
Lister: The lamb!? Everyone thought the lamb was the cheese! And that lemon meringue pie, man, what was in that?
Rimmer: I thought you liked that? You bought some back.
Lister: Yeah... I wanted to try some out on my athlete's foot!
Labels: Red Dwarf
11 October 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Demons & Angels" (5.5):
Holly: Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle! Many Wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil. Repeat: This is not a daffodil.
Rimmer: Well, thankfully Holly's unaffected.
Holly: Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle! Many Wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil. Repeat: This is not a daffodil.
Rimmer: Well, thankfully Holly's unaffected.
Labels: Red Dwarf
13 August 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Justice" (4.3):
[Lister takes the witness stand.]
Kryten: Name?
Lister: Dave Lister.
Kryten: Occupation?
Lister: [pause] Bum.
Kryten: Sir, would you describe the accused [Rimmer] as a friend?
Cat: Take the Fifth!
Kryten: Sir, please answer the question. Remember you are under polygraphic surveillance: Would you describe the accused as a friend?
Lister: No, I'd describe the accused as a git.
Kryten: And who would you say feels most fondly for him?
Lister: Well, I do.
[Lister takes the witness stand.]
Kryten: Name?
Lister: Dave Lister.
Kryten: Occupation?
Lister: [pause] Bum.
Kryten: Sir, would you describe the accused [Rimmer] as a friend?
Cat: Take the Fifth!
Kryten: Sir, please answer the question. Remember you are under polygraphic surveillance: Would you describe the accused as a friend?
Lister: No, I'd describe the accused as a git.
Kryten: And who would you say feels most fondly for him?
Lister: Well, I do.
Labels: Red Dwarf
25 July 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Back to Reality" (5.6):
Kryten: [The] question which occurs: if this ocean is supposed to be teeming with new lifeforms, where are they all?
Lister: What are you implying?
Kryten: No implication intended, sir.
Lister: Yes, there is. You're saying there's some huge damn fish out there, aren't you? Some kind of gigantic, weird, pre-historic leviathan who's porked his way through this entire ocean.
Kryten: That's one option.
Lister: Any alternatives?
Kryten: None that occur.
Kryten: [The] question which occurs: if this ocean is supposed to be teeming with new lifeforms, where are they all?
Lister: What are you implying?
Kryten: No implication intended, sir.
Lister: Yes, there is. You're saying there's some huge damn fish out there, aren't you? Some kind of gigantic, weird, pre-historic leviathan who's porked his way through this entire ocean.
Kryten: That's one option.
Lister: Any alternatives?
Kryten: None that occur.
Labels: Red Dwarf
18 July 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Terrorform" (5.3):
Cat: Okay. I say, let's get into the jet-powered rocket pants and junior bird-man the hell out of here!
Kryten: An excellent and inventive suggestion, sir, with just two tiny drawbacks: 1) We don't have any jet-powered rocket pants; and 2) there's no such thing as jet-powered rocket pants outside the fictional serial "Robbie Rocket Pants."
Cat: Well, that's put an annoying crimp on an otherwise damn fine plan.
Cat: Okay. I say, let's get into the jet-powered rocket pants and junior bird-man the hell out of here!
Kryten: An excellent and inventive suggestion, sir, with just two tiny drawbacks: 1) We don't have any jet-powered rocket pants; and 2) there's no such thing as jet-powered rocket pants outside the fictional serial "Robbie Rocket Pants."
Cat: Well, that's put an annoying crimp on an otherwise damn fine plan.
Labels: Red Dwarf
10 July 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Backwards" (3.1):
Lister: Cat.
Cat: Hmm?
Lister: Did you ever see "The Flintstones"?
Cat: Of course.
Lister: Do you think Wilma's sexy?
Cat: Wilma Flintstone?
Lister: Maybe we've been alone in deep space for too long, but every time I see that show, her body drives me crazy. Is it just me?
Cat: I think in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most desirable woman who ever lived.
Lister: That's good, I thought I was going strange.
Cat: She's incredible!
Lister: What do you think of Betty?
Cat: Betty Rubble? Well, I would go with Betty... but I'd be thinking of Wilma.
Lister: This is stupid. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister: She'll never leave Fred and we know it.
Lister: Cat.
Cat: Hmm?
Lister: Did you ever see "The Flintstones"?
Cat: Of course.
Lister: Do you think Wilma's sexy?
Cat: Wilma Flintstone?
Lister: Maybe we've been alone in deep space for too long, but every time I see that show, her body drives me crazy. Is it just me?
Cat: I think in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most desirable woman who ever lived.
Lister: That's good, I thought I was going strange.
Cat: She's incredible!
Lister: What do you think of Betty?
Cat: Betty Rubble? Well, I would go with Betty... but I'd be thinking of Wilma.
Lister: This is stupid. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister: She'll never leave Fred and we know it.
Labels: Red Dwarf
13 June 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
I've been watching Red Dwarf again... This is from "Better Than Life" (2.2):
[Lister is sorting through the mail.]
Lister: Smeg! Outland Revenue!
Rimmer: [gleefully] Oh, oh, oh, oh! Outland Revenue!
Lister: £8,500!
Rimmer: £8,500? That's a lot of tax, isn't it, Listy? How on Titan are you going to pay for that?
Lister: I'm not. It's yours.
Rimmer: What? This is wrong! This is dead wrong!
Lister: Relax, it doesn't matter now. Not gonna catch you now, are they?
Rimmer: What? Just because we're three million years into deep space and the human species is extinct? That means nothing to these people. They'll find us.
[Lister is sorting through the mail.]
Lister: Smeg! Outland Revenue!
Rimmer: [gleefully] Oh, oh, oh, oh! Outland Revenue!
Lister: £8,500!
Rimmer: £8,500? That's a lot of tax, isn't it, Listy? How on Titan are you going to pay for that?
Lister: I'm not. It's yours.
Rimmer: What? This is wrong! This is dead wrong!
Lister: Relax, it doesn't matter now. Not gonna catch you now, are they?
Rimmer: What? Just because we're three million years into deep space and the human species is extinct? That means nothing to these people. They'll find us.
Labels: Red Dwarf
09 June 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Waiting for God" (1.4):
Toaster: Would you like some toast?
Lister: Uh-Uh.
Toaster: Some nice, hot, crisp, brown, buttered toast?
Lister: Uh-Uh.
Toaster: You don't want any toast, then?
Lister: No.
Toaster: What about a muffin?
Lister: Nothing!
Toaster: You know the last time you had toast? Eighteen days ago. 11:36, Tuesday the 3rd. Two rounds.
Lister: Ssshhh!
Toaster: I mean, what's the point of buying a toaster with artificial intelligence if you don't like toast?
Lister: I do like toast!
Toaster: I mean, this is my job! This is cruel! Just cruel!
Lister: Look, I'm busy!
Toaster: Oh, you're not busy eating toast, are you?
Lister: I don't want any!!
Toaster: I mean, the whole purpose of my existence is to serve you with hot, buttered, scrummy toast. If you don't want any, then my existence is meaningless.
Lister: Good.
Toaster: I toast, therefore I am.
Lister: Will you shut up?!
Toaster: Would you like some toast?
Lister: Uh-Uh.
Toaster: Some nice, hot, crisp, brown, buttered toast?
Lister: Uh-Uh.
Toaster: You don't want any toast, then?
Lister: No.
Toaster: What about a muffin?
Lister: Nothing!
Toaster: You know the last time you had toast? Eighteen days ago. 11:36, Tuesday the 3rd. Two rounds.
Lister: Ssshhh!
Toaster: I mean, what's the point of buying a toaster with artificial intelligence if you don't like toast?
Lister: I do like toast!
Toaster: I mean, this is my job! This is cruel! Just cruel!
Lister: Look, I'm busy!
Toaster: Oh, you're not busy eating toast, are you?
Lister: I don't want any!!
Toaster: I mean, the whole purpose of my existence is to serve you with hot, buttered, scrummy toast. If you don't want any, then my existence is meaningless.
Lister: Good.
Toaster: I toast, therefore I am.
Lister: Will you shut up?!
Labels: Red Dwarf
08 May 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Rimmerworld" (6.5):
Cat: All in all, a 100% successful trip!
Kryten: But, sir, we lost Mr. Rimmer.
Cat: All in all, a 100% successful trip!
Cat: All in all, a 100% successful trip!
Kryten: But, sir, we lost Mr. Rimmer.
Cat: All in all, a 100% successful trip!
Labels: Red Dwarf
10 April 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Terrorform" (5.03):
Rimmer: I don't loathe myself. What is there one could possibly loathe about me?
Kryten: Would you like the list, sir?
Rimmer: What list?
Kryten: Well, there was the fact you were despised by your parents for failing to achieve their standards. The fact your three brothers were all such high-flyers in the Space Corps and you ended up servicing chicken soup machines. There's your inability to form long-term relationships with anyone, your cowardliness, your lack of charm, honour or grace and the awful knowledge that throughout your entire life nobody has ever truly liked you because you are so fundamentally unlikeable.
Rimmer: Oh, that.
Kryten: Please don't interrupt, sir, I'm only half-way through my list.
Rimmer: I don't loathe myself. What is there one could possibly loathe about me?
Kryten: Would you like the list, sir?
Rimmer: What list?
Kryten: Well, there was the fact you were despised by your parents for failing to achieve their standards. The fact your three brothers were all such high-flyers in the Space Corps and you ended up servicing chicken soup machines. There's your inability to form long-term relationships with anyone, your cowardliness, your lack of charm, honour or grace and the awful knowledge that throughout your entire life nobody has ever truly liked you because you are so fundamentally unlikeable.
Rimmer: Oh, that.
Kryten: Please don't interrupt, sir, I'm only half-way through my list.
Labels: Red Dwarf
11 March 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "The Inquisitor" (5.2):
The Inquisitor: Justify your existence. What contribution have you made?
Cat: I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass!
The Inquisitor: Well, that's true.
Cat: Can I go now?
The Inquisitor: That's your case?
Cat: You need more???
The Inquisitor: Some might say that's a pretty shallow argument.
Cat: Some might say I'm a pretty shallow guy, but a shallow guy with a great ass!
The Inquisitor: Justify your existence. What contribution have you made?
Cat: I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass!
The Inquisitor: Well, that's true.
Cat: Can I go now?
The Inquisitor: That's your case?
Cat: You need more???
The Inquisitor: Some might say that's a pretty shallow argument.
Cat: Some might say I'm a pretty shallow guy, but a shallow guy with a great ass!
Labels: Red Dwarf
01 February 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Psirens" (6.1):
[Starbug is threatened by a giant rogue asteroid that may be an illusion.]
Kryten: Suggest we maintain course. That asteroid does not exist.
Rimmer: Suppose you're wrong?
Kryten: Sir, I'll stake my reputation on it.
Rimmer: Kryten, you haven't got a reputation.
Kryten: No, sir, but I'm hoping to acquire one from this escapade.
[Starbug is threatened by a giant rogue asteroid that may be an illusion.]
Kryten: Suggest we maintain course. That asteroid does not exist.
Rimmer: Suppose you're wrong?
Kryten: Sir, I'll stake my reputation on it.
Rimmer: Kryten, you haven't got a reputation.
Kryten: No, sir, but I'm hoping to acquire one from this escapade.
Labels: Red Dwarf
22 January 2012
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Bodyswap" (3.4):
[Cat and Lister are playing Scrabble.]
Cat: Hey hey hey, I've got you now, buddy! J, O, Z, X, Y, Q, K!
Lister: That's not a word.
Cat: It's a Cat word.
Lister: Jozxyqk?
Cat: That's not how you pronounce it!
Lister: What does it mean?
Cat: It's the sound you make when you get your sexual organs trapped in something.
Lister: Is it in the dictionary?
Cat: Well it could be, if you're reading in the nude and close the book too quick. Jozxyqk!!!
[Cat and Lister are playing Scrabble.]
Cat: Hey hey hey, I've got you now, buddy! J, O, Z, X, Y, Q, K!
Lister: That's not a word.
Cat: It's a Cat word.
Lister: Jozxyqk?
Cat: That's not how you pronounce it!
Lister: What does it mean?
Cat: It's the sound you make when you get your sexual organs trapped in something.
Lister: Is it in the dictionary?
Cat: Well it could be, if you're reading in the nude and close the book too quick. Jozxyqk!!!
Labels: Red Dwarf
30 December 2011
Have a Fantastic Period!
22 December 2011
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Back in the Red, part 3" (8.3):
Rimmer: One day in this lousy, stinking penal colony and I'm cracking up. Everyone's so deranged and brutal, it's frightening. This afternoon I was so depressed I went to see the social worker.
Lister: Was he any help?
Rimmer: Not really; he beat me up. He said I was a whining nancy-boy with girlie white legs, then pummelled me repeatedly with his book, Showing Compassion to Inmates.
Lister: I thought social workers were supposed to be nice?
Rimmer: In the end I was so shell-shocked I went to see the priest and explained everything.
Lister: What did he say?
Rimmer: He said I was a whining baby who was missing his mum. Then he beat me up, too. You can still see the crucifix marks in the back of my head.
Rimmer: One day in this lousy, stinking penal colony and I'm cracking up. Everyone's so deranged and brutal, it's frightening. This afternoon I was so depressed I went to see the social worker.
Lister: Was he any help?
Rimmer: Not really; he beat me up. He said I was a whining nancy-boy with girlie white legs, then pummelled me repeatedly with his book, Showing Compassion to Inmates.
Lister: I thought social workers were supposed to be nice?
Rimmer: In the end I was so shell-shocked I went to see the priest and explained everything.
Lister: What did he say?
Rimmer: He said I was a whining baby who was missing his mum. Then he beat me up, too. You can still see the crucifix marks in the back of my head.
Labels: Red Dwarf
07 December 2011
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Demons & Angels" (5.5):
[The crew meets alternate versions of themselves...]
Kryten: These are our higher selves. They are who we could have become if all the negative aspects of our characters were removed.
Rimmer: You mean hippies.
Kryten: With respect sir, you think Jesus was a hippie.
Rimmer: Well, he was. He had long hair and he didn't have a job. What more do you want?
[The crew meets alternate versions of themselves...]
Kryten: These are our higher selves. They are who we could have become if all the negative aspects of our characters were removed.
Rimmer: You mean hippies.
Kryten: With respect sir, you think Jesus was a hippie.
Rimmer: Well, he was. He had long hair and he didn't have a job. What more do you want?
Labels: Red Dwarf
30 November 2011
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "Stasis Leak" (2.04):
[Rimmer is trying to convince Captain Hollister to punish Lister.]
Rimmer: On the morning of Febuary the 26th, at 0800 hrs, [Lister] did engage in conversation with second technician Rimmer, Arnold J...
Captain Hollister: For crying out loud, Rimmer!
Rimmer: - the outcome of which was a proposal by the aforementioned Lister to the aforementioned Rimmer to cook him breakfast.
Captain Hollister: Okay, I'm getting the picture.
Rimmer: Breakfast comprised of two eggs, three rashers of bacon, a grilled tomato, two sausages, a small portion of fried potatoes... and a large quantity of mushrooms. Having consumed this repast, second technician Rimmer, Arnold J. experienced what can only be described as a "voyage to trip-out city". To wit, a major hallucinogenic fit.
Captain Hollister: Lister, is this true?
Lister: No, sir. I'm sure it was only one egg.
Rimmer: The aforementioned Rimmer, to wit, me, then attended inspection parade. He was totally naked except for a pair of mock-leather driving gloves and some blue swimming goggles. Under the influence of this psychedelic breakfast he went on to attack two senior officers, believing them to be giraffes who were armed and dangerous.
[Rimmer is trying to convince Captain Hollister to punish Lister.]
Rimmer: On the morning of Febuary the 26th, at 0800 hrs, [Lister] did engage in conversation with second technician Rimmer, Arnold J...
Captain Hollister: For crying out loud, Rimmer!
Rimmer: - the outcome of which was a proposal by the aforementioned Lister to the aforementioned Rimmer to cook him breakfast.
Captain Hollister: Okay, I'm getting the picture.
Rimmer: Breakfast comprised of two eggs, three rashers of bacon, a grilled tomato, two sausages, a small portion of fried potatoes... and a large quantity of mushrooms. Having consumed this repast, second technician Rimmer, Arnold J. experienced what can only be described as a "voyage to trip-out city". To wit, a major hallucinogenic fit.
Captain Hollister: Lister, is this true?
Lister: No, sir. I'm sure it was only one egg.
Rimmer: The aforementioned Rimmer, to wit, me, then attended inspection parade. He was totally naked except for a pair of mock-leather driving gloves and some blue swimming goggles. Under the influence of this psychedelic breakfast he went on to attack two senior officers, believing them to be giraffes who were armed and dangerous.
Labels: Red Dwarf
26 November 2011
Quote of the Day: Red Dwarf
From "White Hole" (4.04):
Cat: Come on, man, you gotta sacrifice your life. I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do.
Rimmer: You? You'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew?
Cat: No! I'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew.
Cat: Come on, man, you gotta sacrifice your life. I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do.
Rimmer: You? You'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew?
Cat: No! I'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew.
Labels: Red Dwarf
