16 September 2013
C Is for Contrafibularity
Blackadder the Third... Hugh Laurie, Robbie Coltrane, and Rowan Atkinson:
"Every single word, sir?"
"Every single word, sir?"
Labels: Black Adder
22 December 2012
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Blackadder's Christmas Carol":
Baldrick: I've been helping out with the workhouse Nativity play.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, of course. How did it go?
Baldrick: Well, not very well. At the last moment, the baby playing Jesus died!
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, dear! This high infant mortality rate's a real devil when it comes to staging quality children's theatre. What did you do?
Baldrick: Got another Jesus.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, thank goodness. And his name?
Baldrick: "Spot." There weren't any more children, so we had to settle for a dog instead.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, dear. I'm not convinced that Christianity would have established its firm grip over the hearts and minds of mankind, if all Jesus had ever said was "woof!"
Baldrick: I've been helping out with the workhouse Nativity play.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, of course. How did it go?
Baldrick: Well, not very well. At the last moment, the baby playing Jesus died!
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, dear! This high infant mortality rate's a real devil when it comes to staging quality children's theatre. What did you do?
Baldrick: Got another Jesus.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, thank goodness. And his name?
Baldrick: "Spot." There weren't any more children, so we had to settle for a dog instead.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, dear. I'm not convinced that Christianity would have established its firm grip over the hearts and minds of mankind, if all Jesus had ever said was "woof!"
Labels: Black Adder, holidays
25 October 2012
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Beer" (2.5):
[Queen Elizabeth has a lot of good ideas.]
Nursie: That was another good idea! You are so clever today, you better be careful your foot doesn't fall off.
Queen Elizabeth: Does that happen, when you have lots of brilliant ideas? Your foot falls off?
Nursie: Certainly does! My brother, he had this brilliant idea of cutting his toenails with a scythe, and his foot fell off.
[Queen Elizabeth has a lot of good ideas.]
Nursie: That was another good idea! You are so clever today, you better be careful your foot doesn't fall off.
Queen Elizabeth: Does that happen, when you have lots of brilliant ideas? Your foot falls off?
Nursie: Certainly does! My brother, he had this brilliant idea of cutting his toenails with a scythe, and his foot fell off.
Labels: Black Adder
24 December 2011
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Blackadder's Christmas Carol":
Blackadder: So, shall I begin?
The Prince Regent: Absolutely, as long as it's not that terribly depressing one about the chap who gets born on Christmas Day, shoots his mouth off about everything under the sun, and then comes a cropper with a couple of rum coves on top of a hill in Johnny Arab land!
Blackadder: You mean Jesus?
The Prince Regent: Yes, that's the bloke! Keep him out of it; he always spoils the Xmas atmos!
Blackadder: So, shall I begin?
The Prince Regent: Absolutely, as long as it's not that terribly depressing one about the chap who gets born on Christmas Day, shoots his mouth off about everything under the sun, and then comes a cropper with a couple of rum coves on top of a hill in Johnny Arab land!
Blackadder: You mean Jesus?
The Prince Regent: Yes, that's the bloke! Keep him out of it; he always spoils the Xmas atmos!
Labels: Black Adder, holidays
23 September 2011
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Amy and Amiability" (3.5):
Blackadder: Oh God! Bills, bills, bills. One is born, one runs up bills, one dies! And what have I got to show for it? Nothing but a butler's uniform and a slightly effeminate hairdo! Honestly, Baldrick, I sometimes feel like a pelican: whichever way I turn, I've still got an enormous bill in front of me!
Baldrick: Don't worry, Mr B.! I have a cunning plan to solve your problem.
Blackadder: Yes, but let us not forget that you solved the problem of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head.
Blackadder: Oh God! Bills, bills, bills. One is born, one runs up bills, one dies! And what have I got to show for it? Nothing but a butler's uniform and a slightly effeminate hairdo! Honestly, Baldrick, I sometimes feel like a pelican: whichever way I turn, I've still got an enormous bill in front of me!
Baldrick: Don't worry, Mr B.! I have a cunning plan to solve your problem.
Blackadder: Yes, but let us not forget that you solved the problem of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head.
Labels: Black Adder
14 September 2011
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Ink and Incapability" (3.2):
Blackadder: Now, Baldrick, go to the kitchen and make me something quick and simple to eat, would you? Two slices of bread with something inbetween.
Baldrick: What, like Gerald, Lord Sandwich had the other day?
Blackadder: Yes, a few rounds of geralds.
Blackadder: Now, Baldrick, go to the kitchen and make me something quick and simple to eat, would you? Two slices of bread with something inbetween.
Baldrick: What, like Gerald, Lord Sandwich had the other day?
Blackadder: Yes, a few rounds of geralds.
Labels: Black Adder
24 May 2011
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Duel and Duality" (episode 3.6):
Blackadder: God, I'm wasted here. It's no life for a man of noble blood, being servant to a master with the intellect of a jugged walrus and all the social graces of a potty!
Baldrick: I'm wasted too. I've been thinking of bettering myself.
Blackadder: Oh really, how?
Baldrick: I applied for the job of village idiot of Kensington.
Blackadder: Oh. Get anywhere?
Baldrick: I got down to the last two, but I failed the final interview.
Blackadder: Oh, what went wrong?
Baldrick: I turned up. The other bloke was such an idiot, he forgot to.
Blackadder: God, I'm wasted here. It's no life for a man of noble blood, being servant to a master with the intellect of a jugged walrus and all the social graces of a potty!
Baldrick: I'm wasted too. I've been thinking of bettering myself.
Blackadder: Oh really, how?
Baldrick: I applied for the job of village idiot of Kensington.
Blackadder: Oh. Get anywhere?
Baldrick: I got down to the last two, but I failed the final interview.
Blackadder: Oh, what went wrong?
Baldrick: I turned up. The other bloke was such an idiot, he forgot to.
Labels: Black Adder
29 March 2011
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Duel and Duality" (episode 3.06):
[Baldrick has a cunning plan to save the Prince from Wellington: Blackadder will pretend to be the Prince!]
Baldrick: Well, I just thought: this Wellington bloke's been in Europe for years. You don't know what he looks like, he don't know what you look like, so why don't you get someone else to fight the duel instead of you?
The Prince Regent: But I'm the Prince Regent! My portrait hangs on every wall!
Blackadder: Answer that, Baldrick.
Baldrick: Well, my cousin Bert Baldrick, Mr. Gainsborough's butler's dogsbody, says that he's heard all portraits look the same these days, 'cause they're painted to a romantic ideal, rather than as a true depiction of the idiosyncratic facial qualities of the person in question.
[Blackadder and the Prince look astonished]
Blackadder: Your cousin Bert obviously has a larger vocabulary than you do.
[Baldrick has a cunning plan to save the Prince from Wellington: Blackadder will pretend to be the Prince!]
Baldrick: Well, I just thought: this Wellington bloke's been in Europe for years. You don't know what he looks like, he don't know what you look like, so why don't you get someone else to fight the duel instead of you?
The Prince Regent: But I'm the Prince Regent! My portrait hangs on every wall!
Blackadder: Answer that, Baldrick.
Baldrick: Well, my cousin Bert Baldrick, Mr. Gainsborough's butler's dogsbody, says that he's heard all portraits look the same these days, 'cause they're painted to a romantic ideal, rather than as a true depiction of the idiosyncratic facial qualities of the person in question.
[Blackadder and the Prince look astonished]
Blackadder: Your cousin Bert obviously has a larger vocabulary than you do.
Labels: Black Adder
15 January 2011
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "General Hospital" (episode 4.5):
[Blackadder suspects that Nurse Mary is a spy.]
Blackadder: Remember you mentioned a clever boyfriend?
Nurse Mary: Yes.
Blackadder: I leapt on the opportunity to test you. I asked if he'd been to one of the great universities: Oxford, Cambridge, Hull.
Nurse Mary: Well?
Blackadder: You failed to spot that only two of those are great universities!
Nurse Mary: You swine!
General Melchett: That's right! Oxford's a complete dump!
[P.S. Stephen Fry -- a Cambridge graduate -- played General Melchett.]
[Blackadder suspects that Nurse Mary is a spy.]
Blackadder: Remember you mentioned a clever boyfriend?
Nurse Mary: Yes.
Blackadder: I leapt on the opportunity to test you. I asked if he'd been to one of the great universities: Oxford, Cambridge, Hull.
Nurse Mary: Well?
Blackadder: You failed to spot that only two of those are great universities!
Nurse Mary: You swine!
General Melchett: That's right! Oxford's a complete dump!
[P.S. Stephen Fry -- a Cambridge graduate -- played General Melchett.]
Labels: Black Adder
25 December 2010
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Blackadder's Christmas Carol":
Lord Blackadder: Ah, Melchett! Greetings! I trust Christmas brings you its traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp.
Lord Melchett: And compliments of the season to you, Blackadder. May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down.
Lord Blackadder: Ah, Melchett! Greetings! I trust Christmas brings you its traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp.
Lord Melchett: And compliments of the season to you, Blackadder. May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down.
Labels: Black Adder, holidays
11 December 2010
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Chains" (episode 2.6):
Queen: Did you miss me, Edmund?
Blackadder: Madame, life without you was like a broken pencil.
Queen: [confused] Explain...?
Blackadder: Pointless.
Queen: Did you miss me, Edmund?
Blackadder: Madame, life without you was like a broken pencil.
Queen: [confused] Explain...?
Blackadder: Pointless.
Labels: Black Adder
13 November 2010
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Beer" (episode 2.5):
Queen Elizabeth: Edmund, quick, quick! Melchett's dying! We must do something!
Blackadder: Well, yes, of course. Some sort of celebration!
Queen Elizabeth: Edmund, quick, quick! Melchett's dying! We must do something!
Blackadder: Well, yes, of course. Some sort of celebration!
Labels: Black Adder
04 July 2010
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From "Nob and Nobility" (episode 3.3):
[Blackadder and Baldrick are facing execution.]
Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Baldrick: They certainly are, sir!
Blackadder: Well, forgive me if I don't do a cartwheel of joy. Your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?
Baldrick: We do nothing.
Blackadder: Yup. It's another world-beater!
Baldrick: No, wait. We do nothing... until our heads have actually been cut off.
Blackadder: And then we... spring into action?
Baldrick: Exactly! You know how when you cut a chicken's head off, it runs round and round the farmyard and then out the gate?
Blackadder: [haltingly] Yyyyyyyeah...?
Baldrick: Well, we wait until our heads have been cut off, then we run round and round, out the gate, and escape! What do you think?
Blackadder: My opinions are rather difficult to express in words, Baldrick. So perhaps I can put it this way... [tweaks Baldrick's nose]
[Blackadder and Baldrick are facing execution.]
Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Baldrick: They certainly are, sir!
Blackadder: Well, forgive me if I don't do a cartwheel of joy. Your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?
Baldrick: We do nothing.
Blackadder: Yup. It's another world-beater!
Baldrick: No, wait. We do nothing... until our heads have actually been cut off.
Blackadder: And then we... spring into action?
Baldrick: Exactly! You know how when you cut a chicken's head off, it runs round and round the farmyard and then out the gate?
Blackadder: [haltingly] Yyyyyyyeah...?
Baldrick: Well, we wait until our heads have been cut off, then we run round and round, out the gate, and escape! What do you think?
Blackadder: My opinions are rather difficult to express in words, Baldrick. So perhaps I can put it this way... [tweaks Baldrick's nose]
Labels: Black Adder
04 May 2010
Quote of the Day: Black Adder
From episode 3.2, "Ink and Incapability"...
Blackadder: I trust you had a pleasant evening, sir?
Prince George: Well, no, actually. The most extraordinary thing happened. Last night I was having a bit of a snack at the Naughty Hellfire Club, and some fellow said that I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey.
Blackadder: Oh. An absurd suggestion, sir.
Prince George: You're right, it is absurd.
Blackadder: Unless this was a particularly stupid donkey.
Blackadder: I trust you had a pleasant evening, sir?
Prince George: Well, no, actually. The most extraordinary thing happened. Last night I was having a bit of a snack at the Naughty Hellfire Club, and some fellow said that I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey.
Blackadder: Oh. An absurd suggestion, sir.
Prince George: You're right, it is absurd.
Blackadder: Unless this was a particularly stupid donkey.
Labels: Black Adder
