23 October 2010
Quote of the Day: Cracked
Apparently there's a movie called "Red Dawn" about the Soviets invading the U.S., and a ragtag group Colorado high school students that fight the invaders. Yeah, I've never heard of it either. (It came out in the 80's.) But Cracked.com has some thoughts:
The opening scene takes place at a high school in Calumet, Colo. Suddenly, Russian troops parachute onto the lawn, in a surprise attack on America ...
... Alright, stop the movie. How the hell did communists make it all the way to Colorado?
Later it's explained that the invasion came from two directions: Mexico (which in the film had recently fallen to communists) where half a million troops had amassed, and from the north, where 60 divisions of Russian troops flooded across Alaska and then down through Canada. Both forces were presumably marching to converge on a small high school in Colorado to knock out America's Swayze capability before it could be mobilized.
So let's start with the north. Keep in mind, a military division is anywhere between 10,000 and 30,000 troops. Sixty of those, showing up in Alaska. Excuse me? Have they never played Risk before? How the hell did the U.S. miss the 600,000 troops even back when they were amassing in Kamchatka?
The U.S. intelligence networks and spy satellites then failed to notice this massive army as it moved south across 3,500 miles of land to reach the USA? And what the hell did we do to piss off Canada, that nobody there bothered to pick up the phone and let us know thousands and thousands of Red Army tanks and jeeps and support vehicles were clanking down the highway?
The opening scene takes place at a high school in Calumet, Colo. Suddenly, Russian troops parachute onto the lawn, in a surprise attack on America ...
... Alright, stop the movie. How the hell did communists make it all the way to Colorado?
Later it's explained that the invasion came from two directions: Mexico (which in the film had recently fallen to communists) where half a million troops had amassed, and from the north, where 60 divisions of Russian troops flooded across Alaska and then down through Canada. Both forces were presumably marching to converge on a small high school in Colorado to knock out America's Swayze capability before it could be mobilized.
So let's start with the north. Keep in mind, a military division is anywhere between 10,000 and 30,000 troops. Sixty of those, showing up in Alaska. Excuse me? Have they never played Risk before? How the hell did the U.S. miss the 600,000 troops even back when they were amassing in Kamchatka?
The U.S. intelligence networks and spy satellites then failed to notice this massive army as it moved south across 3,500 miles of land to reach the USA? And what the hell did we do to piss off Canada, that nobody there bothered to pick up the phone and let us know thousands and thousands of Red Army tanks and jeeps and support vehicles were clanking down the highway?
Labels: movies, random silliness
# posted by mamurd @ 9:40 PM 
