24 April 2007
Quote of the Week
From Go Fug Yourself:
Jenna Jameson claims her divorce caused her recent, startling weight loss that has rendered her alarmingly ill and plastic-looking. And that might be a true story, and if so, I'm sorry she's hitting a rough patch. But when I find myself in times of sorrow, Oscar Meyer comes to me, speaking words of wisdom. Words like "beef hot dog" and "bologna" and "bacon". So I can't relate. Plus, since she's identified her problem, you'd think she'd start doing different things to cope with it. Things like:
1) Take two pieces of white bread. Slap an assload of cheddar on them. Butter the outsides. Fry until golden brown. Then shove into your mouth and lick your greasy fingers and marinate in the bliss of a grilled-cheese sandwich. Repeat as needed. (And may I suggest a scraping of mustard and a splash or five of Worcestershire Sauce? You won't be sorry.)
2) Don't wear a sack dress that hangs limply off your vexingly bony frame.
3) Buy pre-made cookie dough. Preheat the oven, per the directions. Open the dough and proceed to eat it. Laugh to yourself that you bothered turning on the oven and switch it off, retiring to the couch with your dough loaf and a spoon.
Jenna Jameson claims her divorce caused her recent, startling weight loss that has rendered her alarmingly ill and plastic-looking. And that might be a true story, and if so, I'm sorry she's hitting a rough patch. But when I find myself in times of sorrow, Oscar Meyer comes to me, speaking words of wisdom. Words like "beef hot dog" and "bologna" and "bacon". So I can't relate. Plus, since she's identified her problem, you'd think she'd start doing different things to cope with it. Things like:
1) Take two pieces of white bread. Slap an assload of cheddar on them. Butter the outsides. Fry until golden brown. Then shove into your mouth and lick your greasy fingers and marinate in the bliss of a grilled-cheese sandwich. Repeat as needed. (And may I suggest a scraping of mustard and a splash or five of Worcestershire Sauce? You won't be sorry.)
2) Don't wear a sack dress that hangs limply off your vexingly bony frame.
3) Buy pre-made cookie dough. Preheat the oven, per the directions. Open the dough and proceed to eat it. Laugh to yourself that you bothered turning on the oven and switch it off, retiring to the couch with your dough loaf and a spoon.
Labels: food
# posted by mamurd @ 9:17 PM 
